Friday, December 5, 2008

Helplessly Watching

She's stuck.

She's laying head down in a ditch so far down that she doesn't know how she got there. But she's so used to being in this ditch that she's afraid of what life will be like if she comes out of it.

This ditch has some sort of a pull on her. It's like... gravity is working against her so hard that you'd think she's some magnet trying to escape the laws of physics. She needs help, but if I help her, it'll be like helping a butterfly out of it's cocoon.... it'll do her more harm than good. She's got to gain the strength from climbing out of this, or once she gets close to the top, she'll be so worn out that she'll just give in and fall right back into the ditch. Somehow the fall back would be less painful than completing her climb out and finally being able to see what life is like out of the shadows.

But how do you just stand by and wait. Just stand at the top with rope in hand, and wanting SO eagerly to just throw it in there and pull her out, or even more to want to jump into that ditch with her and drag her out of there... but you can't. You're so helpless and hurting for her.

I want the peace for her that only life out of this ditch can bring. I want such a joy for her that it's contagious - like a terminal joy...

I hate seeing her slowly dying. And that's what's happening - she's suffocating in this ditch. The guy that acts like the magnet holding her there is relentless. No matter how many times he slams her hopeless body further and further... harder into the ground... she somehow feels that it's safer there.

She's got familiarity confused with safety. Comfort confused with peace. No wonder she feels hopeless.

And this helplessness I'm feeling is driving me CRAZY!! I pray for her all the time (I do... if you didn't know that. I pray for you ALL the time!) and I know having it in God's hands is a WAY better place for it than in mine... but I just can't help but feel that there's more I should be doing.

But what?

This rut or ditch or whatever you want to call it is just SOO much louder when it screams her name. I'll never stop trying, though.

Friend, I'll never turn my back on you. I'll always be here for you. Always. Even when I feel like you're being SO blinded that it drives me CRAZY, I'll still be here. Even when you feel like no one understands, I'm here... I'm not going anywhere.

I love you, no matter how deep your ditch may seem. I'll always be here to cheer you on and make sure you're not giving up. So don't.

And you know you'll always be welcomed here. Stop making excuses for why you can't be happy, and go Nike...

Just do it.


April E. :) said...

You're a good friend Charlie Brown. :)

...and Special A...we are all praying you get to your TOP :)