Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Light as a Feather

Yesterday's post was pretty heavy, especially for someone returning from vacation!! So just to lighten things up a bit, take a gander at these little snafus.

Poor little old ladies who type the church bulletin - they're so naive... or are they?! The below statements were found in church bulletins or announced from the pulpit. And boy I would've LOVED to have been there for it!



The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basket ball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
----------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
----------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
-----------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
-----------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
-------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
-----------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
----------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-----------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!




Ha ha ha - good stuff, eh?!

2 comments:

d.a.r. said...

Hilarious!! I love the one about the Low Self-Esteem!

Courtney said...

Haha! I've heard this so many times, but it never ceases to crack me up!