Dog Poop and Valium

McStudly and I just moved into our new home about 3 weeks ago. Actually - I believe it was exactly 3 weeks this past Sunday.

Well, without going into too great of detail with you guys, let's just say we're not getting along well with a certain neighbor of ours.

Other than this lady, everyone in the neighborhood is fantastic - really! They are super nice. Willing to help out with anything, and easy to talk to and just hang out with through the nice weatehr we've had lately.

But this lady... oh my goodness! I am trying my hardest. I really am - but for some reason, she's got it out for us (from the mouth of another neighbor). You see, she's not too happy that Austin leaves his little "piles" in our backyard. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, please keep in mind that I clean the backyard every 2 - 3 days (and by clean I mean pick up and hose down).

Well, when I got home yesterday, she approached me for the third time (3rd in person, but 5th altogether) int eh three weeks we've lived here.

Let me pause for a minute and tell you that everytime she's approached us, we've gone out of our way to clean the yard up right away, even if we'd just done it the day before, because we're trying to avoid a neighbor war. We're also VERY nice and polite with her (I know, right? HUGE surprise!).

Back to the story-

She approached me yesterday all flustered and upset. I did my VERY best to ignore her. I saw her by her car when I got home, so I filled my hands with things (to look preoccupied), went to check the mail, and looked down at the mail the entire time I walked EVER so slowly up to the house, but she stopped me in my tracks by stepping in front of me.

For the most part, the "conversation" went something like this (I use that term loosely, because it was more like a trial):

Neighbor Lady (NL): all huffy and puffy like "I just want you to know that I called ProCom again [our HOA management] and the Health Department about that back yard of yours. I just can't stand it anymore. I had company over this weekend and it was just horrible..."

Me (M): very calm and with hands filled, so unable to portray any body language "Ok. Well, I've talked to the HOA and my lawyer, and they've both advised me that we're not in violation of any regulations, so -" cut-off... and this won't be the last time...

NL: raising her voice, now "YES you ARE in violation. I know that for a FACT! You have had a pile out there ALL day and it's just horrible!"

yes, you read that correctly - A pile...

M: "He went this morning jsut before I left for work and I didn't have time to clean it up, I'm sorr-"

NL: yelling, now, and for the rest of the conversation "That's just NOT acceptable! You have to clean it up just like EVERYBODY else in this neighborhood! We all clean up. I don't let my cat go out there and crap all over the place!"

umm... cats are usually litter-box trained, btu whatever, lady... just... whatever

M: "Well, our backyard is considered private property, and we clean it up whenever we get the chance. I'd app-"

NL: pointing around the court "ALL of this is private property and everyone else cleans up after their dogs! You need to have respect for your neighbors! That dog got you kicked out of your last place, and I'm not going to stand it here! I don't have to live like thi- I will NOT live like this!"

M: "Well, I'm sorry, but we're not violating any regu-"

NL: "YES YOU ARE! And I won't stand for it! he got you kicked out of your last house, and you won't be able to get away with it here, either!"

M: "That was an agreement between us and our Landlord, and-"

NL: "Well, I'm not your landlord!!"

M: "No ma'am you're not, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop harassing us about this, so that I won't be forced to seek further legal action with this matt-"

NL: "THIS ISN'T HARASSMENT! I'm your NEIGHBOR and you have NO respect for your neighbors!"

M: "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop talking to me like this."

NL: "YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF HEALTH CODES, AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT!! There are flies EVERYWHERE out there!"

M: "I'm sorry, but we're not violating any regulations according to the HOA and-"

NL: "YES YOU ARE AND I WON'T LIVE LIKE THIS" *queue slamming door

WOW! Yes - it went something like that. Holy goodness!

Well, needless to say, I went inside and BALLED my EYES out to McStudly. I can put my foot down when I have to, but I am trying SO SO hard not to give this lady any leverage against us in anything. And I held in SO much frustration that I just caved in to tears and incoherent-like talked to McStudly about what happened. He told me to go call the HOA and document everything else that had happened, so I did, but the guy was gone for the day, and so was his assistant. I left a message with the front desk, and she marked it as urgent.

So now we're here: I talked with the HOA Assistant to our comunity this morning (unfortunately for her, she's very familiar with the situation, as I've spoken with her about it before) and she advised me that apparently, the lady has called MANY times about the situation, even yelling at THEM over the phone, and they have told her that we are in compliance with all regulations, as well as all bi-laws, and that she needs to leave us alone.

And since I've now asked her twice to leave us alone, the HOA had "advised" us to call the police, should the issue happen again. I couldn't quote the lady, but she pretty much said 'there's nothing further we can do, beyond what we've already done. We've told her that you guys are in compliance, and to leave you alone, and if she doesn't, then can only suggest that you call the police. If it does come to that, please just send us a copy of the police report and we'll keep it on file here, so that we're on the same page as you through all of this. And if it shoudl come to you having to file a peace order, just, again, send us a copy, and we'll keep it on file as well. Just try to keep us informed about whatever is going on, and we're sorry you have to deal with all of this, but it is harassment, and you have every right to call the police. You should not have to put up with that.' Something along those lines.

So here we are. Not only did I clean up the back yard AGAIN last night (I cleaned it up after she approached me - with company over - on Sunday afternoon) after the incident, AND again this morning... hosing it down each time. If she approaches me regarding this today, I may not jsut call the cops, but... hey - does anyone have the number to the Crownsville Mental Insitution?

So, Yeah. I think she needs valium. All in favor - say "Ay!"