Like a Stick in the Mud

This has been a whirlwind of a weekend. Where do I begin? Oh, I know where I'll begin, because I can only really even write about a few things (the down side to having people you know read your blog...).

Well, we just got word that some good friends of ours are leaving. Pastor Travis (our worship pastor) and Leann, along with their two little ones.

It sucks.

To be honest - it's strange how much this is effecting me. I consider them dear friends, and he has actually been kind've a mentor to me for the past year plus. Not to mention they're just plain ol' fun to be with. But even as I sit here typing this up, I find myself crying (...again...).


I get it that people come and go in your life. And I've only even known them for a little less than 2 years. I guess I've just grown really fond of them? I don't know... like I said, it's kind've strange how much this is effecting me. I almost feel stupid. Hopefully it doesn't weird them out to hear that. ha.

But I can honestly say that I hope we remain friends, even after they are gone. We don't know, yet, just how far away they'll be going or where they'll be... they're still trying to figure that out. But for some reason I'm really having a hard time with this.


Gosh dang it. My tear-ducts must be broken... there's a leak or something. Any eye plumbers out there??


I know that God's got plans for them. And I know that he's got plans for me. To prosper all of us and not to harm us. To bring glory to him. I just hate that those plans are going to be in different places, even if just for now. It sucks.


But I know that his ways are higher than mine. I can't even begin to comprehend what he's doing in and around us. I just hate it when it hurts, ya know?


And what makes this weekend even more difficult (and probably why the shut-off valve for my eyes is MIA) is the stuff that I can't really write about. I wish I could. I want answers to some things. I feel like I deserve some answers!! And hey - maybe you guys could shed some light on some stupid situations, but unfortunately I'm left without.

Honestly - I wish I could just dump it all out there. I want to just get it off my chest, but I just don't feel right about it, right now. And it sucks. Dang it - why am I such a freaking nice person?! Ugh!!

Some of it is related to the above, and some is not. So if you're reading this and you know me, and you're wondering why I'm being such a big weird baby, then know that there's more at play.

And you know how it is... a piece of paper doesn't weigh much, but when you start to stack it all up, and then fill a box, and then another... it starts to really weigh you down.

I just feel so torn. I feel stuck. I've really felt like God has been moving me in a certain direction, and now I keep asking myself if I just misheard or misunderstood him.

But his sheep will know his voice. And the Lord confides in those who fear him. That's what my bible tells me... what my Jesus tells me. And I believe it.

...and that's why I'm so confused! Because what I feel and what I'm experiencing don't add up. God's saying "apples" and all I'm seeing are oranges. I'm surrounded by oranges. Oranges. ORANGES!

What the heck?!

And I think, too, that I got so caught off guard because I wasn't expecting ANYthing like this. I did NOT see this coming at all (back to the original subject here, folks).

But then it did.

And I realized how much I take for granted.

Period.

Even just in general.

But I was asked by several people, this morning, how I was doing. They're the ones leaving, and people have been asking how I was doing. So to most of them I just replied that I'm doing good. That I'll obviously miss them (they have no idea, I'd bet), but I know God's got a plan a-working and things all work out for his glory.

But then one person asked me how I was doing, and I began spouting off what became my routine answer, and all of a sudden I sprung a leak, again! I had been fine ALL morning, and then BAM.

I felt like SUCH a dweeb.

But I think we both knew that he wasn't asking for the standard answer, but he wanted to truth. And, well, he got it. I started crying, again, and just smiled. He said "yeah. I figured..." and said that he'd be praying for me. Which is all he can do, really.

Again... have I mentioned that I totally feel like a dweeb with how much this is effecting me.

It's just that we'd made so much progress, I felt. We were doing things. I've been growing so much.

And even through it all... last night as I was trying to go to sleep and my mind just would NOT stop running in circles... I just felt like God was pushing this song back at me that I had been working on a while ago. One that I had worked on with Travis and didn't get very far. And then he came back with some changes to the melody and, again, it kind've stayed in that stage for a while.

But last night I just couldn't sleep and I couldn't stop thinking through this song. I felt like God was really just leading me to focus on it, and I just really couldn't help but do just that.

In God's grace and sovereignty, I feel like I might've finished it last night. And I don't know how I did that without crying (I told you I've been a weepy mess... poor McStudly), though, in the interest of full disclosure, I did get choked up by that knot in my throat...

You know what's funny? I made it through this last night without a single tear, but as I prepare to write the words to the song here on the blog, I am crying yet again (or still, maybe?).

Anyways - here it is. Not all of it, but the main point of it, in poetic order as I'm feeling right now (so, basically, not in song format or order):

Our hearts now changed by your love

Your praise my lips will still proclaim

Who can ever compare to You,

God, I'll never be the same

You're my strength when I have none

You're my vict'ry, You're the one

I may stumble, I may fall

But by Your grace, You're my all

You're my all

You make life out of death

You bring peace and rest

You're my all in all

You bring joy in my pain

Time and time again

Jesus, You're my all

So yeah. I cried. I took a break. I think I'm past it, now, but Lord knows it'll probably come back in a second or two.

Basically, I'm a big huge dork baby and I probably need a midol or something (I promise I don't usually cry this much, no matter how much McStudly probably says otherwise) and I'll be fine. But I'm not happy about this change.

*insert pouty lip and child-like tantrum stomping here*

But I'll accept it, because... well, what other choice do I have?!

I just know that I will really miss them more than I thought I would miss someone I've only known for not-even 2 years. And I hope I haven't freaked them out by saying so. ha ha

Keep praying for me, guys. And please add our church to your list, if you can. We need to find a new worship leader and transition as smoothly as possible. And hopefully some other big bits of my mess can be cleaned up soon...

...to include the puddles caused by my leaky eye-holes. *sigh*

Love you guys. Thanks for letting me blubber on here. And count your blessings that this is not a video blog because I am NOT a cute crier. No no... not in the slightest.

Snot ya later.

Comfort Stalls

I was just thinking about something and it made me laugh. We are SUCH creatures of habit, aren't we? And though there are probably hundreds of thousands of examples of this fact, I just reminded myself of one as I went to the bathroom here at work.

Is it just me, or don't we all have a "usual" bathroom stall that we use? You KNOW that you do it, too. I mean sure, we can use any of the stalls that are available, barring them being completely nasty and un-flushed, that is. But we still tend to gravitate towards the same stall.

It's funny because anytime we walk into the bathroom and our one stall is occupied, it kind've stops us in our tracks for a brief second, doesn't it? We're on such autopilot that we practicaly walk into the bathroom without even looking up, but then are stopped at the sight of our stall's door closed in front of us.


Ha ha - it's just funny to me. Of course we shrug it off and move on to the cleanest stall closest to it, but just the fact that we always go the 3rd stall in (or whichever is your stall of choice) and then leave this "comfort stall" and proceed to the same particular sink everytime... it's just funny! Right?




Am I the only one with a comfort stall??

Feeling Lyrical

So, I'm one of those people who is really impacted by music. The be and flow of it alone can render me tear-filled and sobby, but then you throw in some lyrics and I could quite possibly become a total mess. Am I the only one?! Ah who cares, either way. It's just how I am. So it's funny that I'm married to someone that, although he likes music, doesn't really feel it's impact most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there is still the occasional song that may catch him off guard or have him thinking, but it doesn't happen nearly a often as with me. I'm Sarah, a I'm a musicaholic... (hi, Sarah.)

So one of my favorite things to do, with regards to music, is to find these artists that aren't well known. Artists that are extremely talented, but, for whatever reason, aren't out there, yet. It gives me this random sense of discovery. Songs on the radio can spark a search, which leads me to another artist, then to another, etc. Until I find one that's now all that popular, yet. Oddly enough, usually within a few weeks of finding them, I end up hearing them on the radio, and seeing their name in iTunes or on some banner online. It's pretty cool, cause then I think "Ooh... I found them FIRST! Take THAT, Apple software!" I know, I'm lame, but hey - who cares.

Well, a few months back (like 6?) I became a BIG fan of Meredith Andrews. I heard her on the radio, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE her CD. If you haven't heard it, and/or don't own it, go get it. Check out some clips on iTunes and then buy it. You'll thank me, later. :-) She became my selection of choice for a bit, because I'm one of those people that sticks to the same CD for a while before moving on to another.

So after some one-on-one driving time with Meredith (yeah... we're close like that. ha ha), I started artist hopping, again. I went from her to Brooke Fraser (who's CD, apparently, McStudly had already ordered for me on amazon, as a surprise - he knows my love for music). She's amazing. She's originally from New Zealand (her dad was a famous Rugby player, in his early years), then moved to Australia where she became one of Hillsongs United's worship leaders. She also began her career as a solo-artist. She's amazing. her songs are thought-provoking, much like Meredith Andrews, but she's more guitar-driven and rockin' than Meredith's full band sound and tear-jerker songs that make you want to go deeper (ha - that's the name of one of her songs, even!).

Anywho - after some one-on-one time with Brooke, it was time to hop again. So I went online. iTunes has this feature called "genius". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's super cool. Straight from Apple's website: "While you reacquaint yourself with the music you already own, let Genius introduce you to new music you’ll love. As you select songs in your library, the Genius sidebar displays songs from the iTunes Store that go great with it. The Genius sidebar won’t recommend songs already in your library, and you can preview and buy recommended songs directly from the sidebar." Get it? So pretty much, it tells you what artists and songs that, according to your current library, would be a good fit for your 'style' of music.

And it's named perfectly. Genius led me to Francesca Battistelli. Now, she's starting to be played on the radio, now, but she wants when I "found" her. At least not in our neck of the woods. I was starting to think that our radio stations don't even know what current music exists, much less want to play it on their station. But she's amazing. She's got more of a Sara Bareillas type feel, with her piano-driven songs, but her lyrics are totally though-provoking and face-slapping (in a good "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way... as opposed to the bad "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way). She just puts things in a kind of light that can, in a sense, help you re-realize what's real. Wow - I'm not making any sense. Just take a look at these, if you will... maybe that'll help, some:


Excerpts that have me thinking:

"I don't know where the story ends
But I'll be alright 'cause you wrote it.
I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine.
You're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go.
You're keeping me guessing."



"Even though I've got the lines rehearsed, A picture only paints a thousand words…
Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seening part of me.
There's more than you could ever know, behind the scenes.
I'm incimplete and I'm undone,
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much morethat's going on, behind the scenes…
When it's hard to find hope in the unseen,
I have peace in knowing it will find me."

"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and tell me I have all you seek
And it's easy to believe, even though

I've got a couple dents in my fender,
Got a couple rips in my jeans.
I'm tryin' to fit the pieces together,
But perfection is my enemy.
And on my own I'm so clumsy,
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me."

Okay so those are just a few - the only ones I could find already typed up online (and I'm too lazy to type them up myself, since I'm supposed to be doing actual work right now.

So this chick is awesome. You really have to listen to her songs to like her, because just looking at the lyrics make it seem... eh... overly simplified. But maybe that's the beauty? I think we all have a tendency to over-complicate things. Especially the female variety (AMEN, sista!). But since I'm one to really read into artists as I find them, I was checking out Franny's (yep... we're cool like that, too) blog/journal and there was a quote that totally whimp-slapped me upside my head. I mean I really had to read it a few times before I could get through it without being totally floored with it's application to my life.

As most of you know, I wrote a while back about how I feel like God's really been pushing me to use the gifts he's given me. And so I start pushing further. But I slacked off a bit. I make stupid excuses and even though I have people trying to help me push myself, I am pretty convincing when I make excuses for them, as well. Not to mention they have their OWN stuff to deal with, here. But really - what's my PROBLEM?! Well, here's the quote that pretty much knocked me off my comfy little cushioned work chair, this morning:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Nelson Mandela

Umm... OUCH!! Did that knock anyone ELSE'S socks off?

So yeah. That's where I am today. Where are you?

(and no, I don't know to know where you physically are. Let's be real, here, people... if we can't be vulnerable hiding behind our computers, where can we be?!)

The Fat Lady Sang

It doesn't matter, now.

... who you voted for, who you wanted to win, what your race, what your moral standings... it doesn't matter now.


Why? Because the election is over. The country has spoken (minus about 10,000 absentee ballots due to VA's huge-mongous screw-up), and they've elected a President. So it doesn't matter what you think.

It's time to start praying for President-elect Barack Obama, his family, and our country.

It's time to start respecting him. It doesn't matter if you voted for him, or even if you like him. He is going to be our leader. And, like it or not, he deserves our respect for that very reason. So let it go if you're upset, and take a chill pill if you're overly excited - Because none of that matters now.


You may be curious who I voted for. Does it matter? I'll tell you, but it doesn't matter. Even though I live in a very liberal state, I still voted conservative - I voted for Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin. But like I said, it doesn't matter. They didn't win the elction, and I'm not crying. It's time to be proud of my country, not add to it's division.


America has spoken. And they said they wanted President-elect Obama. So now we've got him. And it's time that we all started to give him our respect. So here's to you, sir. May God lead and guide you in the way that you run this country. May you earn respect with foreign leaders and diplomats, and may you do all that you can to bring pride back to the hearts of all Americans.



*raises glass* "Cheers." *Takes a sip*



So, since like ALLL of the headlines seem to be about having an African American President-elect for the first time in the history of the United States of America, I figured I'd add to it, just for fun.

I won't lie and call this "Wordless Wednesday", (I mean look at all of the words!), but just for jollies, this is pretty much what our New History books will look like. I'm sure they'll be hitting the presses ANY day, now.

Whether or not color should matter, sometimes, to some people, it does.

Happy Hump Day!

Freebies for Voting!

Yep - you heard right! retailers all across American are giving away freebies to people who say they voted, or those wearing an "I Voted" sticker. If you voted via absentee ballot, you may be out of luck, but be sure to try asking, at least. I mean - they most they'll do is say no, right?

But here you go - the list of retailers offering Freebies to proud voters:

http://lifehacker.com/5075721/election-day-freebies-roundup






Go vote!