Decisions, Decisions

So I've recently been presented with a few decisions that need to be made, and it's forcing me to really evaluate where I am, right now.

For those of you who have read fairly regularly, you know the McStudly and I are really involved in our church. We love it! I really wish, most of the time, that I could get paid to do that instead of working at the full-time job I have (though I do actually enjoy that, as well). Ah well... one can dream, right?!

Anywho, I was recently approached about becoming more (or perhaps just a tad differently and a bit more frequently) involved in one of the areas that I thoroughly enjoy. And in actuality, it was literally a dream come true... as in - I had a dream about it a week or so ago. Crazy, right?! Yeah. I thought so, too. And when this person told me the other night that they had something they wanted to talk to me about, my thoughts went to this dream. Of course, being of the female persuasion and all, my thoughts then quickly went to "am I in trouble?" or "what did I do?!", but I was assured I was not in trouble at all... though I was still a bit anxious about it (who wouldn't be?!).

I said I'd talk to McStudly about it, since it involved more of a time commitment and I"m already pretty spread in several different directions (which actually caused them to almost not ask me at all, because they knew I was so busy. Nice, eh?).

So, basically, I've been thinking about it a lot. Like a LOT lot. I'm not one to believe in these kinds of coincidences as purely random, but more like purposeful. Does that make sense?! Between the dream, and thinking this was what it would be about... and then actually being right. I dunno - call me crazy!


But here's where I struggle. Remember I said I'm already pretty spread in several different directions? Yeah. As in here's what I do on any given week: Sunday morning: church (sometimes both services). Sunday evening: Underground (Young Adults). Monday: free (woohoo!). Tuesday: worship practice. Wednesday: church early for prep and then helping with Fusion (Youth service). Thursday: Pregnancy clinic training. Friday: free (hopefully date-night). Saturday: who knows... cleaning, laundry (yeah right, ha!), sleeping in!!!

I'm not insanely busy, I suppose, but keep in mind that Tuesday - Thursday activities are not including McStudly. He isn't involved int he worship team, or youth, or the pregnancy clinic. So we see each other before and after, but it's kind've like ships passing in the night. Also, there are monthly meetings involved (sometimes multiple) with all of these ministries, so they usually take up another night or two, here and there, so it's ends up being one packed month after another.


I say all of this to get to my point, I suppose. Making this change means that I need to make a sacrifice somewhere else. That's why this isn't a "Well, of course!" kind of a thing, right now.

Sidenote: On top of that, the McStud and I have been having a very... trying week (we all have them - you know where you just keep butting heads and/or missing each other and it's juts rough all around?! Yeah. That kind.), so that hasn't really helped, much.


I really want to do this, but I don't know how I feel about stepping down in the other areas I'm involved in. It's not easy. It's going to take a lot of thought and prayer, as well as discussion with the hubster before a decision is reached.

FYI: in case you're wondering, it's not like I'll be moving to Africa, or anything, so you may think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to (not that you know what it is, or anything), but to me, it's personally a hard decision.


I just feel torn, I guess is the best way to put it. I'm involved in all of these ministries because of various reasons, but mainly because I have a heart to be there. So it's not like I could just drop it like a bad habit and move on to something else, ya know?! It's hard to see something that seems so right just out of your reach, and you have to let go of something else to get to it... sometimes more than one "something else", like in my case - I feel like letting go of just one thing won't really change anything or make extra time or add less stress, but that it would take letting go of two things just for the 1.


Am I babbling? Or hopefully I'm at least making a little teenie bit of sense in here, somewhere?!


Maybe blogging about it is helping me to feel like I'm working things out. Pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case) can really help me sort out my thoughts, sometimes.


All I know is with all that went before this - the dream, kind've seeing it coming (does it sound bad to say that?! It feels like it sounds really snobby and braggadocios - Ooh... HUGE points for using that word in a blog on a Friday!!), and then actually hearing it. I don't know - call me crazy, but I feel like this is where God wants me. And on top of all that, I've already been trying to stretch myself in this area. I mean... McStudly and I have had many a conversation about it and my trying to better myself and step out of my comfort zone (that could be a whole other blog in itself!), and then this happens. So is it weird of me to think that all of this is playing a part in the bigger picture, somehow? I just can't shake the feeling.


And maybe that's why I feel so compelled to lean in this direction, while knowing that it'll take some sacrifice to get there.


Could that be the point? I trust God. I really do. But am I the only one that still questions things... even the things I really feel that he's leading me towards? What is WRONG with me?!?!


Why do we do this? We hold so tight onto the things that we know. The things that are familiar. the things we're comfortable with... even though we know that God has bigger and better plans for us to move on to.


It's like I know what I need to do, but I worry too much about actually doing it. Or I feel like I'll be letting someone down or putting someone else in a bad spot by stepping down and/or out of the other ministries.


*lightbulb moment*

Hang on a second... is that maybe a form of pride?! Do I somehow, without realizing it, hold myself so highly that I think the other people... the other ministries can't do without me? Ouch. Talk about a public realization of fault, man. I'm discovering, openly, on my blog that I'm dealing with pride in an area I had no idea was there. This blog post is getting heavier and heavier the more I type.

Sidenote: Am I the only one that is doing this? Is there any chance that maybe you guys are dealing with similar forms of pride? I mean... God can do the impossible. We sing it. We say it. We may shout it from time to time. But then there's that dang old box, again, and we think that he can't carry on a ministry without use. Ouch ouch OUCH! Please be honest... I feel like I may be the only one, right now, and that's not making me feel so good. :-(


Wow. I need to deal with that. Like yesterday! And I think that, maybe, I just made my decision. ??


Of course I'll be talking to McStudly about it more (we actually get to SEE each other tonight. Squeea!) and praying about it a little more, but can I ask you a HUGEmongous favor?? Can you all pray for me, too? For both the decision, and now, apparently, my subconscious issues with pride, too?



Gesh... why is humility so difficult that you don't even realize you are missing it, most of the time?! I'm missing the mark and somehow I feel like I'm still shooting straight. Ugh!!



Well, I've carried on long enough, and given you enough of a Serious Pill for this Friday. Hope it wasn't too big to swallow, and that you'll be honest enough with yourself (...and possibly the rest of us?!) to do it. I'm going to go get to work on "fixing" myself. Thank God for his unconditional grace, cause Lord knows I need it!!


Hope you all have a great weekend, and I'd LOVE to hear how you guys feel about what I said. And just so you know, I'm not typically one of those planner kind of bloggers. I really was just figuring this whole thing out as I typed... I'm working on being as genuine as possible (it's part of my pregnancy clinic training), and I feel this might be the best way to keep myself real (it's awfully safe here, behind this computer).



Anywho, take care and I'll catch you on the flipside!






Toodles! :-)

Habits

There's been a lot of stuff going on around me, lately. And this time, I'm talking of things OTHER than my home, etc. I mean... within good friends, within family ... it's been quite a few months.

I've learned a few things that I'd like to share with you. Some of it has been told to me and some of it has been realized. It's in no particular order, but all of it is important and relevant.


You can't see the shadow of your own light, for it hides behind the very obstacles you cannot see around. For some of us, these obstacles are obvious... for some of us, they aren't. They can be our pride. They can be our material items. They can be our attitudes and stubbornness. And they can even be our decisions or mistakes. But we all have a tendency to believe we have the best view there is. And from where you're standing, that may be true. The important thing to remember is there's someone else with a view that you don't have - and they may see that dead end around the corner that you can't see from where you are.

Instinct is to think you're fine. You can see perfectly well, from here, and what do they know? Well, often times they know more than you think. You think that your perspective is better because you're been driving down this road of life longer, or because you've been down that turn before. But things change. And the people you think you're "better" than often have some bits of information that you don't have.

1 Timothy 4:12 says "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." Often times, we don't even acknowledge the latter of the verse, because we've already written people due to their age or inexperience... or for simply not being "you".


We often judge others by their words or actions, while judging ourselves by our own intentions. Be honest. You totally do it. We ALL do. Because we know our intentions in certain situations where we can't possibly know someone else's. It's just easier to judge by their actions, isn't it? But that doesn't make it right. It's a really hard habit to break - I'm still catching myself on this one. But it's very important to remember.

Luke 6:41-42 says "41"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

It's so easy to judge others more harshly than ourselves - this person has an entire PLANK in his eye while he's worried about the little bitty speck in someone else's. Now that's messed up. But it's reality. Again - we all do it. It's just easier than having to pull out a mirror and deal with the pain of "de-planking" ourselves. Because it does hurt. It sucks. It's like throwing soap on a wound. You just avoid it, because no matter how much the wound itself hurts, you KNOW it'll hurt like 50x worse with the soap on it. Sure the soap will make it better and clean it out so it can heal, but it HURTS! Right?!

So we defend ourselves when people do it to us because "I was just trying to help" or "I didn't want it to get worse". But when we're doing it to someone else, it doesn't matter. It's black and white. The gray area that existed when we were the ones being pointed at no longer exists. It doesn't matter because they are wrong, end of story.



Ultimately, I guess I'm learning more and more about how easy it is to look down on people or judge people. But when we do that, we're putting ourselves above them. And then we have a false sense of humility to say that we're just "trying to help".

If you have a place of trust in someone's life, then you can speak into them and encourage them to better themselves. But if you don't, sticking your foot on their head and just starting to yank away will just make them angry, and you'll lose your chance to speak into them at all.



I encourage you guys to, within the coming weeks, evaluate yourself and see where you are. I know I'm gonna have to put a pillow on my rear with all the self-kicking I've done while writing this post, so you're not alone. And it's nobody's business but your own. That's the thing about self-evaluation... it's a private thing. Nobody needs to know your junk, but you will find that there are times when sharing your own junk may help someone with theirs.




Well, I know I'm guilty of it, so I need to go make some changes. If I'm the only one and this all seemed like rambling to you guys, well I apologize. But I think it helps me sometimes to put things in writing, before I see what it all means. Am I the only one that's like that??

Preach it!

Congressional Testimony of Darrell Scott, father of one of the Columbine Shooting Victims
Copied from "TruthorFiction.com"


Summary of Rumor (Complete version is below): Darrell Scott, father of Columbine High School shooting victim Rachel Scott, gave stirring testimony before a subcommittee of the U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee.

The Truth: Mr. Scott's testimony was so powerful that a lot of folks who receive an email about it doubt its authenticity. It is true, however. His remarks were before the subcommittee on crime of the House Judiciary Committee on May 27, 1999 at the Rayburn House office building in Washington, D.C. TruthOrFiction.com has a transcript of it.


A real example of the story as it has been circulated:

Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm?

On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:

"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.

"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.

"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.

"I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy-it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. "I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:

Your laws ignore our deepest needs, Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage, You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms, And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere, And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws, Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand, That God is what we need!

"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, soul, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and reek havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs - politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. "Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key. There is a spiritual awakening taking place that will not be squelched! We do not need more religion. We do not need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage. We do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people with basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God!

"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes-He did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA - I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"



How awesome is that? So glad someone said it where it needed to be heard. I didn't know this happened almost 10 years ago, today. Maybe that's because they didn't want to encourage such remarks and behavior. But wasn't this country founded on free speech and freedom of religion?

People like to forget that last part when it doesn't suit them. How far we've come from our true foundations.


*sigh

It's Crunchtime!

Sorry I've been missing in action lately, minus the random song lyrics, etc. Things have been REALLY crazy around our house, what with getting ready for the grandparents' visit, and all.


The Bathroom is FINALLY painted. HOORAY!


At last count, the following had already been completed:

- remove all wallpaper
- remove almost all remaining wallpaper adhesive (thanks to the tip to try using fabric softener diluted in water - works like a charm when combined with a little elbow grease!)
- sand walls where needed
- patch/spackle nail holes and any other places as necessary
- take down ugly huge-mongous mirror
- remove medicine cabinet
- take out ugly bathroom light that's been with the house probably since it was built (ick!)


And now we can add the following to the list:
- prime
- paint
- temporarily take out toilet and replace wax ring

- remove all wallpaper and adhesive from behind the toilet, prime, and paint

- put toilet back and set in place with new bolts and bolt covers (my dog tried to eat the old ones)

So what's left to do before Saturday? Well, I'll tell you:
- hang pretty new light
- replace old mirror with new one
- replace medicine cabinet (might to just put it back in, due to random/weird measurements)
- purchase and set up shelving
- install newly purchased toilet in place of old icky one
- buy new bathroom rugs
- buy a few candles, etc, to put on shelves
- buy and hang a hand towel holder
- buy and hang a toilet paper holder
- buy and hang a "regular" towel holder
- install new white light switches to replace the icky yellow colored ones
- install new white outlet to replace icky yellow one
- install new white outlet and light-switch covers to replace gold ones (eww!)
- install new white vent cover to replace icky yellow one
- scrub floors, and remove the stubborn wallpaper pieces that have re-attached themselves from the walls to the floor
- scrub the tub, since it's gathered nastiness over my neglecting it for other tasks
- scrub the sink, since it's caught in and every bit of dust and dirt from the remodel




So, needless to say, we've got a lot left to do. And that's just in the bathroom! Take a look at what we have to do in other areas of the house -

Spare bedroom:
- clean out closet
- move storage boxes into closet (as much as possible)
- re-arrange what little furniture there is, including Austin's crate
- purchase and "install" (??) futon
- purchase something to put the TV on
- possibly throw out the old crappy desk that's in there (if we can find something else for our filing section)
- replace backplate for light switch (it's currently gold - ??)
- put in tall standing lamp from downstairs

Living Room:
- buy new tall standing lamp
- buy new curtains for window (to replace the too-small single curtain I have had ghetto-ly covering it since we moved in
- straighten up the built-in bookshelves (UGH!)

Kitchen:
- there's not really anything that could save this kitchen, right now...

Master bedroom:
- hang new ceiling fan
- possibly re-arrange furniture (not likely - that junk is heeeeeaaavy!)
- get all folded clothes out of baskets and actually put away (quite a feat in our house)
- shoes in closets, instead of right by the door, where they are easily accessible
- persuade McStudly to let me buy the new bed set I want from BBB.

All over:
- MAJOR cleaning
- scrubbing of the previous owner's nastiness on the windows, etc (she was a smoker, and I haven't gotten to do this since we moved in)
- vacuum (again)
- mop hardwood (and probably sweep again)
- dusting



So a lot of it is basic cleaning stuff, but with all the bathroom remodelling and painting we've been doing, it hasn't been done as often. Last weekend I did a good clean sweep of the downstairs, to clean off the dining room table (well, almost all of it), sweep the kitchen, wipe down the stove (which I don't typically let get dirty), straighten up mail-drop area, sweep laundry stairs and mudroom, scrub downstairs bathroom sink... etc etc. McStudly vacuumed (what a lovey, right?!) for me and has been tremendously helping with other things as well. He's even off work this week (oh yeah, did I mention he's finally on terminal leave from the Air Force? Another post for another day...) and muscling everything around the house while I'm at work, to get it done before arrival day.

AND I have a friend or two coming over Saturday morning to help me with the final scrub-down before they get here that evening (THANK YOU LADIES!!! Any others want to join us? Lunch will be MY treat!), so that will be MARVELOUS!!!




So I guess that's it. Definitely do-able, as long as we get to work and quit the lolli-gagging! A note on the picture front: so far, there's been no luck with the finding of the bathroom pictures. Hopefully they'll turn up becuase I REALLY want to show you how much better the bathroom looks. Sheesh! But if not, I guess you'll only get pics of the finished product. *sigh



Well, I guess I'll catch you cats later... I gotta get to work!

You Can't Call Me A Slacker - the ER Saga, Pt I

I know I haven't blogged yet this week, but you aren't allowed to call me a slacker.

I'm pooped, and I have a good reason (not an excuse. There's a difference - right Cory?).


McStudly started having some stomach issues around Wednesday last week. We assumed it was gas. Haven't you ever had those gas pains that really play tricks on you? The ones that feel like they're just going to blow a hole through your stomach, they hurt so bad (sorry if you can't handle the imagery... my bad). Well, we wrote it off as gas.

Friday night, he was still pretty uncomfortable, but if any of you have a man in your life, you know how anti-doctor they can be. You'd think he was going to see Dr. Bin Laden, or something. And the Airman in him just coulc not approve of that.

We both tossed and turned all night - if you share a bed with someone, you know it's nearly impossible for only ONE of you to toss and turn. It's practically contageous! Until he got up to go to the bathroom early Saturday morning.

He came back into the bedroom grabbing at his stomach and before he said anything, I knew... call it intuition, or call it just plain luck, but I knew it was pretty bad. So he started to say it "Babe... it really hurts." I need to take you to the hospital, don't I? Come on. Get dressed. Let's go.


He didn't even fight it. I think we were both concerned for the same thing. The pain was on the right side of his stomach/abdomen. Who wouldn't think it was his appendix? So we went in to the hospital. I let McDog out before we left, but didn't feed him since it was only 5 am. Even Austin was confused that we were awake!


We arrived at the hospital and it was DEAD! So we were taken right back and put in a room. After a few questions and a few different people asking the same ones over and over, the staff came to the same conclusion - the appendix. So McStudly was given to bottles of Barium to drink (Banana flavored, in fact) and I was given apple juice and a chocolate chocolate chip muffin (life's not always fair, is it?!).

It took him 4 hours to drink the barium. 4 HOURS!! The best part was his response to the whole thing (backstory - I had to drink the stuff when I was 14, back before they flavored the stuff). He said "You're a better person than me, babe. You could drink the stuff, but I just can't." Ha ha. Priceless.


But honestly, there was something that topped it off EVEN more! He had such a hard time with the barium, that he was getting more and more nauseous. The pain wasn't helping with that, so they started giving him pain meds (Delodit - sp?) and something for the nausea (Zefran - sp?), yet there was a man riiiiight outside our room that puking his GUTS out! Seriously... somehow the man managed to sound like chewbacca and it was making things even HARDER for McStudly. So we shut the door and the meds started really kicking in.

And then it happened - he got loopy! ha ha ha. OH boy was it entertaining. I almost wish I could've gotten it on camera. I was on the phone with his mom during part of it and she was even laughing. He was telling me that I smelled like Heaven. He was humnming along with his new favorite channel on the television... the Calming and Relaxation channel - you know, the one with the scenic, unending video montage of quiet streams and sunset, accompanied by some kind of soothing asian-esque music? Yeah. He hummed along with it. HYSTERICAL!!

While he was in la-la-land, I was practically force-feeding him the barium and he was just drinking it up! We had some friends come visit while we were there and unfortunately, he was back to his normal self by the time they got there. Major bummer! But it was nice to have friends around for a change.


Well it was a long Saturday in the ER. He finally went for a CT scan and as it turned out... we were wrong. It wasn't his appendix at all. According to the ER doctor, it looked to be Crohn's Disease.




... more to come...

Feeling Lyrical

So, I'm one of those people who is really impacted by music. The be and flow of it alone can render me tear-filled and sobby, but then you throw in some lyrics and I could quite possibly become a total mess. Am I the only one?! Ah who cares, either way. It's just how I am. So it's funny that I'm married to someone that, although he likes music, doesn't really feel it's impact most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there is still the occasional song that may catch him off guard or have him thinking, but it doesn't happen nearly a often as with me. I'm Sarah, a I'm a musicaholic... (hi, Sarah.)

So one of my favorite things to do, with regards to music, is to find these artists that aren't well known. Artists that are extremely talented, but, for whatever reason, aren't out there, yet. It gives me this random sense of discovery. Songs on the radio can spark a search, which leads me to another artist, then to another, etc. Until I find one that's now all that popular, yet. Oddly enough, usually within a few weeks of finding them, I end up hearing them on the radio, and seeing their name in iTunes or on some banner online. It's pretty cool, cause then I think "Ooh... I found them FIRST! Take THAT, Apple software!" I know, I'm lame, but hey - who cares.

Well, a few months back (like 6?) I became a BIG fan of Meredith Andrews. I heard her on the radio, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE her CD. If you haven't heard it, and/or don't own it, go get it. Check out some clips on iTunes and then buy it. You'll thank me, later. :-) She became my selection of choice for a bit, because I'm one of those people that sticks to the same CD for a while before moving on to another.

So after some one-on-one driving time with Meredith (yeah... we're close like that. ha ha), I started artist hopping, again. I went from her to Brooke Fraser (who's CD, apparently, McStudly had already ordered for me on amazon, as a surprise - he knows my love for music). She's amazing. She's originally from New Zealand (her dad was a famous Rugby player, in his early years), then moved to Australia where she became one of Hillsongs United's worship leaders. She also began her career as a solo-artist. She's amazing. her songs are thought-provoking, much like Meredith Andrews, but she's more guitar-driven and rockin' than Meredith's full band sound and tear-jerker songs that make you want to go deeper (ha - that's the name of one of her songs, even!).

Anywho - after some one-on-one time with Brooke, it was time to hop again. So I went online. iTunes has this feature called "genius". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's super cool. Straight from Apple's website: "While you reacquaint yourself with the music you already own, let Genius introduce you to new music you’ll love. As you select songs in your library, the Genius sidebar displays songs from the iTunes Store that go great with it. The Genius sidebar won’t recommend songs already in your library, and you can preview and buy recommended songs directly from the sidebar." Get it? So pretty much, it tells you what artists and songs that, according to your current library, would be a good fit for your 'style' of music.

And it's named perfectly. Genius led me to Francesca Battistelli. Now, she's starting to be played on the radio, now, but she wants when I "found" her. At least not in our neck of the woods. I was starting to think that our radio stations don't even know what current music exists, much less want to play it on their station. But she's amazing. She's got more of a Sara Bareillas type feel, with her piano-driven songs, but her lyrics are totally though-provoking and face-slapping (in a good "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way... as opposed to the bad "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way). She just puts things in a kind of light that can, in a sense, help you re-realize what's real. Wow - I'm not making any sense. Just take a look at these, if you will... maybe that'll help, some:


Excerpts that have me thinking:

"I don't know where the story ends
But I'll be alright 'cause you wrote it.
I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine.
You're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go.
You're keeping me guessing."



"Even though I've got the lines rehearsed, A picture only paints a thousand words…
Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seening part of me.
There's more than you could ever know, behind the scenes.
I'm incimplete and I'm undone,
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much morethat's going on, behind the scenes…
When it's hard to find hope in the unseen,
I have peace in knowing it will find me."

"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and tell me I have all you seek
And it's easy to believe, even though

I've got a couple dents in my fender,
Got a couple rips in my jeans.
I'm tryin' to fit the pieces together,
But perfection is my enemy.
And on my own I'm so clumsy,
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me."

Okay so those are just a few - the only ones I could find already typed up online (and I'm too lazy to type them up myself, since I'm supposed to be doing actual work right now.

So this chick is awesome. You really have to listen to her songs to like her, because just looking at the lyrics make it seem... eh... overly simplified. But maybe that's the beauty? I think we all have a tendency to over-complicate things. Especially the female variety (AMEN, sista!). But since I'm one to really read into artists as I find them, I was checking out Franny's (yep... we're cool like that, too) blog/journal and there was a quote that totally whimp-slapped me upside my head. I mean I really had to read it a few times before I could get through it without being totally floored with it's application to my life.

As most of you know, I wrote a while back about how I feel like God's really been pushing me to use the gifts he's given me. And so I start pushing further. But I slacked off a bit. I make stupid excuses and even though I have people trying to help me push myself, I am pretty convincing when I make excuses for them, as well. Not to mention they have their OWN stuff to deal with, here. But really - what's my PROBLEM?! Well, here's the quote that pretty much knocked me off my comfy little cushioned work chair, this morning:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Nelson Mandela

Umm... OUCH!! Did that knock anyone ELSE'S socks off?

So yeah. That's where I am today. Where are you?

(and no, I don't know to know where you physically are. Let's be real, here, people... if we can't be vulnerable hiding behind our computers, where can we be?!)