Wednesday, January 21, 2009

It Can Only Get Better From Here


it has to have been the WORST day I have had in a very VERY long time. Let me sum up:

- woke up with the beginning stages of a migraine
- got to work and realized I had forgotten my badge
- received our BGE bill
- got ANOTHER call from Mr. Health Department
- my lunch caught on FIRE

So... I bet you're wondering why some of these things seemed to bad, and how in the world others actually happened. I'd be happy to oblige for the sake of my blog. :-) Now, I will essplain:

I woke up feeling awful and unable to open my eyes due to the vast amount of sunlight peering through my bedroom windows. For those of you who get migraines, you know that feeling. When you FIRST realize that a migraine is forming - it's like... there's no where to run... unless you enjoy sleeping in your bathtub with all doors shut and blankets stuffed under the doors. And it's not just like waking up with any headache, mind you. It's like waking up with pure agony being birthed in your head. Anywho, McStudly comes upstairs to wake me up (he had mysteriously woken up at like the butt-crack of dawn on his own and with no alarm clock, for some reason) and I send him off to fetch some Excedrin Migraine... the only medicine strong enough to fight off my personal Kryptonite. He does do, and I call in to work to tell them that I'll be late. Thank GOD I work with a soft spoken person, and not someone who answers the phone as loud and perky as my mother does (I love you, Momma Bear, but you know it's true!).

So I wake up about an hour and a half later feeling like I, along with my noble steed, Excedrin, had valiantly defeated my enemy. I get ready and head off to work. Upon turning into the - eh - establishment, I realize that I did not have my badge with me. If any of you know where I work, then you know I can't under ANY circumstances, even enter the parking lot without my badge. So I u-turn and pull into the Visitor's Center to get a temporary badge for the day. There is NO way I am turning around and going home to get it and come ALL the way back. So I go in and tell them I need a new badge. You would have thought that I was THE most IRRESPONSIBLE person on the PLANET! I'll spare you the conversational details and just skip to finally getting my badge and heading into the parking lot where I, amazingly, actually got a spot right in front of my building.

I headed inside and logged onto my computer to find an e-mail McStudly had sent while I was in Georgia this weekend. It was a forward of our BGE bill and HOLY LORD in HEAVEN!!! We only own a town home, mind you. Not even a large town home - like... a two story, two-bedroom town home. So then HOW, might I ask, is it even POSSIBLE for our bill to be well over $400??? Yeah... I didn't think it was possible, either. Especially since we just had BGE install our programmable thermostat last month. Here we thought we'd be cutting that bill in - like - HALF! Guess we were wrong on that one... (and don't worry, we've already cut our temperature down into like the low 62 degree range, after receiving this bill! Who needs anything more than blankets, right?)

I check my voicemail and, I should've known, Mr. Moulton's voice comes on, asking me to give him a call. Oy. I should've just gone home, then. So I call Mr. Moulton and he picks up right away. He informs me that they've received another complaint from Neighbor Lady (NL) and that we are now "required" to clean up our dog's poop every two days. Just FYI - we clean it up weekly. He goes one to sometimes two times a day. It's really not that much. But now, because they've received regular complaints over the same issue, though we've never ONCE been in violation of any HOA or County Health Codes, he has had to issue us a pre-citation. Now, a pre-citation has nothing to do with whether or not a violation has occurred, according to Mr. Moulton. But instead, it is the next step in dealing with a constant and regular complaint. Here's where I just let it all out. Now, I know that he is just doing is job. But after dealing with this huge load of crap (pun not originally intended, but left in for good measure) for the 4 and a half months that we've lived in our home, I think a good dose of sarcasm is long overdue. Fortunately for me, he doesn't really pick up on that kind of thing. So I'm laying it on PRETTY thick. "So let me get this straight, if I may... you have no regulations regarding cigarette smoke and it's affect on neighbors, however because she has to look at my dog's poop there's a 'health' concern?" Yes ma'am. That's correct. "Okay, so even though I can get LUNG cancer because she smokes about a pack-a-day in front of my house and her just having to LOOK at dog poop in MY backyard is a higher priority to the Anne Arundle County Health Department?" MmmHmm. That's correct. Am I the ONLY one that sees a problem here? Let's leave it at that. I'll spare you the remaining details. However, know that I am drafting up my letter to the Health Department high-ups as well as the NL. All of which will be sent certified mail so that I have proof that received them, should this crud go any further. So I get off the phone and am SHAKING I am so pissed off, at this point. Do you blame me?

But no... it can't end there. I haven't even had LUNCH, yet!

After watching the inauguration - which was pretty cool, might I add - I decide that it's time to finally shut my stomach up and have some lunch. Since I got to work late, I just ran down to the cafeteria and bought myself a little Stouffers french bread pizza to warm up instead of going out. "Cooking directions: Heat for 1 1/2 mins. in the microwave, then heat for 4 - 6 minutes in the toaster oven at 475." I put it in the microwave. Done. I set the toaster over to 450, because that's as high as it goes, here at work, and then put it in. I really had to pee, so I asked my co-worker, Lulu (not her real name), to pull it out if it starts to smell like it's smokey or something (our Toaster over smells like a forest fire when you warm a friggin pop tart... so it was bound to happen). She agrees and I run of to the little girls' room. Not 2 minutes later I return to Lulu standing in front of the toaster oven, wide-eyed and horrified. "You owe me, Sarah!" Why? What happened?? Here it is... in a nutshell: Not even half-way into it's 4-6 minutes of necessary cooking, the toaster oven starts to stink. So Lulu gets up and grabs some paper towels to help her take out the pizza. She turns it off, gives it a few minutes to cool, and then... after it stops "glowing" (the toaster oven, that is), she starts to pull it out. All was fine, at first. But then suddenly, one of the paper towels start to flicker a bit of a flame. She tried blowing it out (not a good idea, mind you) and the little flame becomes a BIG flame! So she stars calmly 'yelling' "This things on Fire!" She throws it down to keep from being burnt and two guys run over and begin stomping it out. So... not only am I the butt of everyones joke (and probably will be for a few weeks, and then everytime I attempt to cook my food) but there is ALSO a huge burnt piece of carpet on the floor to remind everyone, should that happen to forget.

I was so ready to just go home. But I ended up having an afternoon filled with writing letters to the Health Department and then on my way home, got a call from a girlfriend of mine to come to their house, because that's where McStudly was and we were going to order pizza and hang out. So the evening ended up fantastic. It was the only way to perfectly end such a horribly awful day.

Now... aren't you glad you're not me?


April E. :) said...

that was long :)

Laurie said...

We didn't start the fire it was always burning ...
This is just like on the office.

The fire was definitely my favorite part of your terrible day.

Yanners said...

dude. what a day. geez. sorry.

but, FYI, BGE is on some serious, crazy stuff this month! Ours was SUPER ridiculous too. I think it's a scam!

Lindsay said...

Migraines suck. Imitrex is my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Seriously. Go get a prescription for it, you will thank me!

What a craptastic day. But if it makes you feel any better, which it probably won't, I got a good laugh out of your firey lunch!

At least things can only get better, right?