Friday, January 30, 2009

Guilty as ALL get out

We're all guilty of it. Even though it comes in different forms, and even makes TOTAL sense, sometimes... that doesn't make it right. Right?! But it's just so natural. It happens without our even realizing it. And who can stop that? We still hold ourselves responsible, but it's just - we have the wrong aim. It's not us, it's them. What works for them doesn't work for everyone.

That line was advice given to us when McStudly and I were engaged. He met with a friend of ours and they had a good talk... about everything, pretty much. And it was nice. I don't know about all of it - it was guy talk. We women are only privied to some of it. But nonetheless, it was a great piece of advice. When he said it, he meant it for our relationship. It was pretty much about how you may look at other couples and things seem great, like they've got it all together. And where that may be true, you can't just try doing what they do in order to get your relationship to that level. Because what works for them may not work for you. And that's SO true!

But I woke up this morning realizing that we ALL so it, in one way, shape, or form. We ALL tend to look at someone and say 'they've got this right' or 'I really like they way they do that' or whatever. And that's all fine and well. But just because it works for them, doesn't mean it works for you. You aren't them!

I'm not making much sense, here (what else is new?!).

I have a tendency to do this to myself a LOT. For example, I listen to these great artists that I love, and I think 'I should make my music sound like this' or 'this look is really great', but that's not how it should be. It's fine to gain inspiration, and ideas, etc, but I'm NOT them! So why on EARTH should I try to model my music or life, even, after these people who were called to be that when I'm MADE to be something COMPLETELY different!

One of the Pastor's Wives at our church spoke a while back about being MADE. Got took the time to make us. To shape us. To detail us in the best way for our purpose. He doesn't make mistakes. So then WHY WHY WHY do I always try to change what and who I am? Improving myself, now that's a given, but I look the way I look for a reason. I sound the way I sound for a reason. I have the passions that and the drive that I have for a reason, and I need to stop trying to form them into what I think would be better. Because it WON'T be better. It'll be worse, because then I won't be who GOD made me to be, I'd be who I'm trying to shove myself into being.

I'm made to fill one certain space in this puzzle, and instead of just going there and piecing it together, I'm trying to JAM myself into this other spot WAY on the other side of the puzzle. And who wants green grass in their blue sky? I mean... doing this would only mess up the puzzle, right?! Not make it better!

So why do we do it? Why do I do it? Because I'm human and I'm stupid. But that's no excuse, because I need to get past this. It's going to be SO hard, because it's a habit of - oh - about 23 years! But I need to do it. Otherwise, what's the point?

If I can't accept the fact that God made me different to REMAIN different, then I'm a loser. And beyond accepting it, I need to pipe down and put it to good use! I need to stop fashioning myself to look/sound like others and just be ME in the way I was intended to be.

Am I the ONLY one that can see this in my life? Seriously?!


Yanners said...

WORD. I've been guilty as charged.

I feel you, monkeroo. That has always been my M-O, and I praise God that I've busted my nose and broken my heart enough to finally realize that this should change. God created you to be you (And thank Him for that, because YOU are amazing- I mean that.)

I grew up as a self-help book junkie. I was always trying to pick/pull/change my persona, my looks, my everything and model it after someone else's ideal. I was a master "plastic surgeon" of not just looks, but of anything that was uniquely me. Like you said, nothing wrong with drawing inspiration, trying to be a better "version" of ourselves. But God created us like no other person. To love like no other person, to create like no other person. And that's pretty AWESOME if you think about it!

April E. :) said...

It seems so simple...but it's the inner battle that rages on...slowly we will win. When we realize what we need to be US.