The Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia

Yep - today's the day!! And the reminds me....


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEKAH!!!!

Today is my little sister's birthday!!! She's 17 today (woot woot). So if you see her... sing to her at the TOP of your lungs, as OFF KEY as possible, and dance like a ballerina with a broken leg. :-D

(It'll be LOTS of fun, I promise!)


So, tonight we (meaning Pulse - our Young Adults Group at church, and I) are going to see Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian. I'm super excited! McStudly and I rented the first one last night to refresh. :-)

Martin's Story Corner

I am a blogging slacker. I'm sorry - I should know better... but to make up for my shortcomings, today we're going to journey into the World of Martin. Let's tune in as he share's with us his crazy-exciting morning, shall we?!

*adjusting tuner to correct frequency*

Ahhh, yes - here we are:

"
I took these photos this morning before going to work. The mother ran off into the woods when it heard me trying to sneak up for a closer camera shot. The babies instinctively lie down, play dead and will remain still for hours at a time until the mother returns. They don’t carry a scent therefore predators have a harder time locating them while they are in hiding…like this Fawn was trying to do.

I was able to get within a few feet of it to take some close up shots for my submission to National Geographic –Don’t I wish!!! …but once I heard the cracking and snapping of fallen tree branches in the woods about 50 yards from where I was taking pictures, I didn’t hesitate to high tail it out of there and back into our house. I read that Mother Deer can be quite aggressive if their babies are in harms way. Our backyard is pretty thick woods and I lost sight of “Bambie’s Mother” once she ran off into the woods, so I figured, not sense in receiving a beat down by mommy Deer-est at 9:30 a.m. the morning while I’m wearing a business suit! J

Walida was not up on the back deck instigating a fight between Mommy Deer and myself, talking about “Yeah, just wait, you better watch your back because those deer can run up to 50 miles per hour and you ain’t gonna get that far up in those woods wearing that suit…we need to get you on camera running from its mother!” All the while, Walida’s mother was saying, “try to pick it up…move in for a closer shot…make sure you get a picture of its face”.

As far as I’m concerned, I believe that my distance to this baby deer was good enough!

Enjoy,
Martin"

Well, hopefully that's made up for my lack-o-blogs. Until next time!!!

Mr. Hot Seat

Oh how I wish I had pictures for you.

But today I want to tell you all about... Mr. Hot Seat *dun dun dunnnnn*

Mr. Hot Seat is a dear old friend of ours. He was created by my father back when I was about 6 years old (give or take a few years) for his youth group (yes... yes I was the seat tester, and I thought it tickled). Apparently he needed to zap some Jesus into them, or at least give them some type of incentive to remembering their Bible trivia.

Anywho - let me paint a picture for you of who Mr. Hot Seat REALLY was:

He began as a small, humble wooden chair. Number 23, I believe (don't remember the actual number written on the back of it, but let's just go with it, shall we?). But it wasn't long before his true calling was discovered.

My father placed two slender metal strips (about 1'x4') on the seat of the chair, right around the middle, running front to back - right about where your "buns & thighs" would align on the seat.

But beneath the surface of the chair - that's where the magic happened.

The metal strips were wired to a big square 6volt lantern battery (not your typical little 6 volt, mind you), which was then, in turn, wired to a small button that could fit easily into the palm of your hand for comfort and ease of use.

The selected victim - umm... I mean eager volunteer!? - would step up to the chair. Now, if he was slick enough to try to wear jeans, this is where my mom would unload on his rear with a super soaker... you know... so he can REALLY feel it. ;-) And then, the no-longer-quite-as-eager volunteer would have a seat.

Upon sitting, the volunteer usually floated for a moment... lingering over the metal strips and trying not to touch them, yet... slowly easing down and onto the strips, for fear of a sudden shock upon contact. This rarely happened - and when it did, it was just because Dad, or whoever else held the button of power, really just wanted a good laugh. When the "volunteer" finally sat down, the explanation of the game began.

"You will asked 3 questions. Some will be Bible Trivia, some will be simple math, and some will be random questions I've made up in my head on the spot (I'm paraphrasing... it was always different) , but when you answer these Yes or No questions, please nod your head with the opposite answer of your response. For example, if your answer is Yes, please nod your head No. If your answer is No, please nod your head Yes. You will be given 15 seconds to respond. If you answer incorrectly, or you go past your time limit, you will be buzzed."

At this point, many volunteers are shaking so badly that they are imagining that they have been zapped and jump from the chair. They have not been zapped - it is all part of the psychological game. :-)

The game went on. Usually, in every crowd, we'd have a few people that quit part of the way through, for fear of pain (it didn't hurt... it was like getting shocked when you tough the car, but on your bumm), or would jump out of their seat right before being zapped, as soon as they realized they had the wrong answer. We'd have people who, when asked personal hygiene questions, would just answer Yes to everything, to avoid losing concentration (even if they were asked 'have you stopped showering since your last birthday' or 'did you forget to put on deodorant today'). Then there'd be the typical two - most people fell into the following categories: the Base Jumpers, and the Hard headed jock.

You did not have to be a Hard headed Jock to fall into this category. It usually just meant that the person either a) didn't feel a thing, or b) pretended not to feel a thing in order to seem tough. These people are boring, and usually kicked out of the game because they are no fun. And they also usually got an extra super soaker squirt, just for fun, as they walked off the stage (momma didn't like these guys).

To be a Base Jumper, you either a) have an extremely heightened sense of dramatic flair, or b) haven't been spanked enough as a child, thus resulting in complete sensitivity of the gludious maximus (in our youth, it was mostly the latter of the two). The Base Jumpers were our favorites.

THIS is why Mr Hot Seat was created. This is what he lived for. This is what my father lived for (explains a lot about my childhood, actually - if you know my or my sisters... you'll understand).

The Base Jumper was sometimes also skiddish, but often times totally taken by surprise, as they thought they were going to be a Hard headed Jock. Upon answering the question incorrectly, or going past the time limit, the Base Jumper would SKYROCKET from the Hotseat, and grab their bumm tighter than skinny jeans on Tommy Boy. *aaannnnd queue intense burst of crowd laughter*

Now, I haven't quite figured out why, yet, but there always seemed to be another volunteer, even after witnessing a Base Jumper's reaction. Again - explains a lot about some people.

This bring me to the highlight of hotseat night - the Circle of Power!!

The Circle of Power was a very simple concept (I highly recommend removing all rings, and metal jewelry before playing this particular game). Everyone stood in a circle (including Mr. Hot Seat) and held hands. The two people on either sides of Mr. Hot Seat (usually selected Circle of Power veterans) would then place their hands on the metal strips and brace themselves. Others in the circle, especially the newbies, had no idea what was coming to them. Upon counting down (and sometimes... my dad didn't wait until he finished the countdown, but would get excited and press the button at "3"). Suddenly, the power of the hotseat shot through everyone in the circle. The Circle could NOT be broken!! If anyone let go of anyone else, it didn't work.

The button would be held down until someone broke the circle - so imagine what it looks like... faces scrunching in pure intense discomfort, held-hands curling up like pigs tails, and people bending and pulling in shear mental agony! It was NEVER as painful as it looked, which is why we had to convince the newbies to try it on the first go around... otherwise they would never try it... EVER!!!

When I think back to the days of Mr. Hot Seat, I can't help but reminisce. Those were good times, Mr. Hot Seat... good times.

***disclaimer - for those of you completely and totally ready to file a lawsuit against my father, he ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS prevented anyone with a pacemaker or in ill health from playing this game (and yes, we did have a few in said conditions that wanted to try it anyways). He was very a responsible man.***

Crazy Birthday month from He...aven?!

Oy oy OY!!

This month is pure craziness. Check it:

9 May - Carrie's birthday (sorry, but I have to miss the party!!)
9 May - Diddy's birthday (our Young Adult Pastor, and no, his name is not really Diddy...)
10 May - Bridal/Welcomming Shower for some friends (shh... it's a surprise!!)
11 May - Mother's Day (so that means 2 mommas, and 3 Grandmommas...)
12 May - Malina's birthday (Kyle's little sister)
16 May - Bekah's birthday (My little sister)
20 May - April's birthday (My big sister)
24 May - Papa Bear's birthday (My Daddy... DUH!)

AND there are a few more birthdays, but if I named them all, I'd go crazy.

So as you can tell, it's a bit of a crazy month for Kyle and I. PLUS - 10 May is Kyle and I's 6-month wedding aniversary (aww... how cute!).

*Does anyone have any Ibuprofen? I need Ibuprofen!!*

So tonight is the big shopping night for everything. I kind've know what we're getting most people, but as far as money goes - WHOA!! It's a good thing we have a Gift Savings account on the side. BUT we love to give gifts... it just stinks that it costs money, sometimes. :-P


Alrigty - we'll I'm off to pretend I'm working. But I'm sure I'll probably be blogging again soon.


Tootles!!

McStudly

I just wanted to say -

I LOVE MY HUSBAND!

I just do. He's fantastic. I can't seem to find words, and then if I try to make some up, I just sound silly - so going along with the Grey's Anatomy theme, I decided to name my husband. BUT since this is a G rated blog, I threw out several names (and will file them away for more private days) and decided to go with McStudly. It's not quite as good as the others, but again - the names that I thought would fit better were not appropriate for a public blog forum. So let's just go with it. :-)

McStudly is the best. I seriously don't think anyone could be any better (which is how it's supposed to be). You see - Kyle and I don't get to live the normal newlywed life right now. He serves in the AirForce and works crazy 12hr shifts (beyond his control) that rotate around and get us all sorts of confused. We usually only see each other in passing when he's working, and I'm not exaggerating. His schedule is 5:30 - 5:30. So when he works nights, he leaves the house at 5, which is about 5 minutes after I get home (if that). And when he works days, he gets up at 4 am to get ready... and leaves at 5 (both before I'm up), so when he gets home at around 6 (w/ driving time), he eats something small and we MIGHT have about an hour together before he goes to bed. (Getting up at 4am is NOT a small feat! So he goes to bed like grandpa-early). BUT he e-mails me throughout his shifts whenever possible, we walk down to grab lunch together when he works days (we don't get to eat together, but we can at least see each other).

The point is that he tries. And I try. We are both working at making the best out of this cruddy situation. It's not easy, BELIEVE ME when I say that, but it works. We spend all the time we can together, even if that means cancelling other plans with our friends, or at church, etc.

He's just fantastic. I'm learning so much about him all the time, and the best part about marriage, to me, is that friendship that is always growing deeper. I feel like, especially lately, we've just been talking about anything and everything and really starting to enjoy each other's company even more than before and it's GREAT!


Anywho - just thought I'd share that. I love you, Kyle "McStudly" Puhl!

I'm sorry... so sorry...

My other post for today was completely and totally random, and I figure I owe you an apology for that. So I'm sorry. My bad, everyone... my bad.

Now that I've finished with that... let's move on.

It's Tuesday!! That means we're almost 2/5 of the ay through the boring, long, drawn-out work week. To me, that's good news, becuase it's not only 1/5, right? And it's better than nothing. Not quite as good of a feeling as when you suddenly realize it's Wednesday and you're further in than you thought, but still better than when you think, for some reason, that it's Thursday, when in actuality - it's only Tuesday. I do this all the time. It's those dad-gum "T" days, I tell you. They get me all the time!! At least with the "S" days, we're happy to have either one of them... but these "T" days... it's like they're out to getcha!!

Wow... moving on, again...

Sometimes I like to share with you the Random holidays of the Day, so without further adueue (sp?) here are today's Random Holidays:

- National Hoagie Day

- National Beverage Day

- National Teacher's Day (Tuesday of the first full week)

- National River Clean Up Day (First Tuesday in May)

- American Lung Association Birthday

- School Family Day

- Willie May's Birthday

- International No Diet Day

- National Nurse's Day

- Anniversary of Babe Ruth's first Major League Home Run in 1915

So basically, this is what your day should consist of: You and your family should go to school together, take a field trip to the local River and clean up the sight. Don't forget to invite the school Nurse! At lunch, break-out some greasy, no-good, fattening hoagies and a complimenting sugar-filled drink of your choosing (the School Nurse will definitely come in handy, here). No smoking, though, by the River, becuase this is the American Lung Association's Birthday - so while we're here, and going tobacco free for at least a day (if NOT your entire life, preferrably), let's sing Happy Birthday to "ALA and Willie May" (you liked the rhyming I threw in out of no where, didn't you! Admit it... you SO did.) And everyone should wear striped pants, eat Baby Ruth candy bars, and wear little Band-aid stickers that say "I love my Nurse".

I think I've said enough for today. Too much, really. Later skaters!!

Colorful Christianity.

Imagine with me, if you will - that all things worldly actually became entirely Christian and God centered (well, not entirely, but hang in there... it'll make sense soon). Before you start thinking that things will get boring, please know I submit that it cannot!! (Referencing Brian Raegan - good times... good times)

We couldn't do away with movies, the arts, or sports becuase even these things are Godly... well they can be if done right, right? But does that mean that "no one loses"? *insert soft=spoken Sunday School teacher voice saying "we're all winners with Jesus" here*. But what about those "grey areas"? The things that people argue as to whether or not they are really sports. Examples: Dance, Cheerleading, Golf, Wrestling, etc. I am not saying whether or not things examples are sports (PLEASE don't jump all over me for this one!), but just think about it... let's evaluate, shall we?

Dance is only Godly to some denominations - Lord knows in the pentacostal world that you can move and bop your head and arms until the cows-a-come home, but the minute your hips start moving, even in the slightest undeliberate motion, you have been posessed with the demon spirit of sexuality and must be fervently prayed over for immediate forgiveness and redemption (imagine what happens if you start doing it on purpose GASP!!! *suddenly lightheaded* LORD SAVE US ALL!). And in some churches, if you do more than a two-step-clap, you're just going straight to Hell! Do not pass go... do not collect your filthy 200 demon dollars. Do not touch the sweet, poor little old lady seated near you who now thinks she may have come down with a bad case of the devil after sitting within your sin-infested row of chairs.

Cheerleading. Now I don't think it woudl be possible to count just how many Church Softball, Basketball, Flag football, Ultimate Frisbee, etc, teams there are out there. BUT... what about church Cheerleading squads? Flash back for me, if you will, to those glorious Youth camp days of "Give me a 'J'. JAAAYYY You got your J you got your J..." and tell me you didn't get to clapping and throwing up those arms just WISHING someone else would do a cartwheel so that you could break into the splits without feeling foolish! You wanted to and you know it. Why do I think there aren't any Christian Cheerleading squads? Because those ungodly short floosy-skirts show thigh! What were those people thinking letting their children prance around in "elongated-belts-mistaken-for-skirts" and kicking their legs up high enough to show the world their little underoos! (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell eme you are seeing right through my incredibly thick layer of sarcasm on that last sentence. If not, please cease and desist the reading of my blog.)

Now on to Golf. There's no question as to whether or not this is a God-filled use of time. You must use patience in lining up a shot, selecting the right golf club, and looking for your ball. You have to learn to be "seen-and-not-heard" with the quiet setting necessary for the serious concentration required in this game. And then, finally, there's encourageing each other with meek, soft clapping and admiration when a putt is complete. However, with the potty mouths on some golfers these days *COUGHtigerwoodsCOUGH*, it's no wonder to me why anyone hasn't thought of this concept of Christian golf sooner.

Finally - my mind lands on Wrestling (please note what is written on the "hiney" of the man in the picture... I did not photoshop this picture) and I can't help but go back again to my younger, youth camp days. I really just want to paint a mental picture for you all, if I can. Imagine with me the following scene - it's dark... but loud. You hear cheering, but can't make out what's being said. Suddenly a spot light appears, shining STRAIGHT down to the middle of the giant arena. A microphone is hanging by a wire from the cieling. It grows almost completely silent, and finally a well dressed man, with slicked back hair and a red bow-tie descends into the beaming light. He holds the Microphone, turns his head and clears his throat... and without hesitation yells "LET'S GET READY TO RUMMBLLEEEEE!" Queue 15 circling mutli-colored spot lights chasing around the arena, and appropriately loud and catchy music (with no words... just rocking guitars and blaring bass, not forgetting the randomly inserted guitar solo). The noise and uninterpretable cheering returns, louder now. After good "pump up" crowd session, a stage seems to appear on the right wall, with a ramp coming from the front of it, and leading all the way to a large ring in the middle of the arena.

The voice returns, but no spotlight on the speaker this time. "Ladies and Gentleman... He's 6ft 4 and weighing in at 250 lbs. In one corner... the Red Letter Revelator!!" Cheers erupt from the crowd, and out walks a man, somehow already sweating bullets, as if he just returned from a 5hr Ty-Bo session at the local Gold's Gym. He's dressed in Red and Cream colored shorts, almost tight enough to expose what "God has given him" and turns sideways to fit through an unnaturally small doorway, as if to enhance his size and draw attention to his tattoo of praying hands on his left shoulder-blade. He walks slowly, prayerfully, down the ramp and into the ring, and televangelist preachers anoint him and lay hands on him before the fight begins.

Then the anouncer returns, and this time... "Ladies and Gentleman... They average 3ft 7 and average about 85 lbs. In the other corner... Kings' Kids!!" Out step about 5 Easter-Sunday-dressesd children, complete with big white hats for the girls, and 3 piece suits and ties for the boys. The stand in an arrow formation and march to the ring like the Church Mouse Children's Choir following Charity the Church Mouse on stage.

Just before the fight begins... the kids step up and it all become something of a "Stomp the Yard" style Jesus dancing competition, perhaps called "Stomp the Dark". The kids begin (echoing each other after each line). "God....(God). God's word... (God's word). God's word is powerful and mighty...(God's word is powerful and mighty). Altogether now: Beat that big bad Devil with a Bible Verse!" Stomping and jumping/flipping is of course a given. Now, up steps the Red Letter Revelator, and his goes something like this - "God is good, all the time... all the time... God is good" and starts the insanely awesome stopming and dance moves, complete with the pyramid piling televangelists that accompanied him into the arena. End round 1.

Round 2? I'll let you paint that picture for yourself. But I will say this... before it begins... there's a bit of holy trash-talking. From the kids? It's something like "Get thee behind me!!" and then from the Revelator... "Ooh... you're about to get Alpha'd and Omega'd!!" Aannnndddd queue actual fist fighting (you're now probably picturing the kids jumping all over the Red Letter Revelator, making him almost impossible to see). No worries, though, ladies and gentleman. Becuase as soon as the fight begins, the JUDGE steps in, and in a big booming God-voice says "My children... love one another." All hug... tears begin pouring out... and we all start singing "Friends are friends forever", holding hands, and swaying... all over the arena.


OKAY - I'm done...

That was fun. But I bet you really enjoyed your mental CWE (Christian Wrestling Entertainment) visuals!

I have to give a big shout out to the blog Stuff Christians Like for the inspiration. He's good times... check out the site and you'll love it. I promise. And I also promise to keep my mental visuals to a minimum and to more summarize them, rather than totally spell them out in the future.

My bad y'all... My bad.


PS: What's in YOUR bible cover?! :-P (Okay, so I stole that one from the credit card commercials, but really... what translation Bible do you read/favor?)





**disclaimer - when writing this blog, I had no idea that there actually was a Christian Wrestling Federation. I apologize for any offense. And to mend this... I post your link ~> Christian Wrestling Federation