Fabulosity

I arrived home, yesterday, to a box with my name on it. Am I the only one who likes that? It's like Christmas ... only I didn't remember ordering anything.

So I ripped the box open, feeling like I was a kid again, and loe-and-behold it was a gift!! Kelly (from Kelly's Place) totally sent me my Pay It Forward gift and (as Celine Dion, would say) I LURVE it!! It's aDORable!!


Check it:

How awesome is THAT?! I LOVE it!! And even though I'm not a coffee drinker (which I believe is the typical drink of choice for cups like these), I decided it was MORE than suitable for my juice this morning. So I popped in an ice cube and poured in some juice. WHAM! Instant pick-me-up for the road!

Seriously, Kelly - I LOVE it!! Thank you so so much. It's so stinking cute that I plan to use it all the time. McStudly will probably be jealous, but oh well. It's got my "S" on it!! ha ha

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you whom I owe Pay It Forward stuff to: I'm so so sorry. We've had a few bumps in the road lately with regards to finances and we're still trying to level things out. You will be getting something from me - I promise! But it may be a little bit longer, yet. Forgive me??

Feeling Lead...

It's an interesting concept. Do you ever felt impressed to do something, or go a certain direction, but you don't know why? Like... your mind knows something it won't tell you?

Well, I've been having a day week YEAR like that, I suppose. I feel like there's SO much to life that I'm missing, because I make silly excuses. But NOT anymore!! Well... maybe just a few here and there.


ANYwho - McStudly and I should be getting our tax refund within a week or two. We opted for direct deposit (why didn't I do this SOONER?!) and are eagerly awaiting our refund, to include our first time home buyers credit. This will free us of over HALF of the debt we currently have, and that means less stress (not that it keeps me up at night) and more time to dream. :-)


Debt doesn't really worry me, because we are still living within our means - just paying it off and not adding to it. We don't worry about phone calls from creditors and we have a pay-off plan. But after this refund arrives, we'll have a SINGLE blob (blog - a very technical financial term, of course) of debt on our credit. Wait - scratch that... a single blob outside of our mortgage and car payments, that is. For us - that's progress.

We're still paying off our wedding, so this will make it FINALLY almost complete. PLUS - with our pay-off plan, after you pay one debt off in full, you apply that amount to the next blob of debt, and you are paying your debt off at an exponential rate. It's amazing. So in NO time, we'll be done with this blob, too, and we'll get to start paying off our cars, AND finally fix up the house and add a little bit of "us" to it. :-)


This isn't exactly where I intended this blog to go, but oh well. It went there. So no, moving on!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paying off all of this debt just adds a little more breathing room, and a chance to pursue a few other things that I've been putting off, so as not to add to debt, or anything like that. Hopefully, I'll get to buy a rather cheap guitar and finally start to learn how to play. I've considered getting a keyboard, but guitar is the one I REALLY want. As awesome as keyboards are, I MUCH prefer the sound of real piano, so... it's never been a big hit with me.

ANYWHO - this means adding to the whole song-writing thing. I've been working on a few other songs, but always get stuck in trying to make note of the melody and the ideas in my head for the music, since I'm not one of those people who can accurately jot down what notes I'm singing or thinking. That'll come, I'm sure, but I gotta work to get there, ya know?

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to work on it. And paying off all of this debt will make it that much more possible. The only thing that would make it even better? Being able to find a nice sounding guitar for UBER cheap. I check craigslist pretty regularly, and occasionally take a gander on ebay, but... nothing so far.

Anyone cleaning out their closet full of musical instruments that are in great working condition anytime soon? Yeah. I won't hold my breath on that one. But a girl can dream, right?




Right. And in the meantime, I'll just keep working with what I've got.

Feeling Lyrical

So, I'm one of those people who is really impacted by music. The be and flow of it alone can render me tear-filled and sobby, but then you throw in some lyrics and I could quite possibly become a total mess. Am I the only one?! Ah who cares, either way. It's just how I am. So it's funny that I'm married to someone that, although he likes music, doesn't really feel it's impact most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there is still the occasional song that may catch him off guard or have him thinking, but it doesn't happen nearly a often as with me. I'm Sarah, a I'm a musicaholic... (hi, Sarah.)

So one of my favorite things to do, with regards to music, is to find these artists that aren't well known. Artists that are extremely talented, but, for whatever reason, aren't out there, yet. It gives me this random sense of discovery. Songs on the radio can spark a search, which leads me to another artist, then to another, etc. Until I find one that's now all that popular, yet. Oddly enough, usually within a few weeks of finding them, I end up hearing them on the radio, and seeing their name in iTunes or on some banner online. It's pretty cool, cause then I think "Ooh... I found them FIRST! Take THAT, Apple software!" I know, I'm lame, but hey - who cares.

Well, a few months back (like 6?) I became a BIG fan of Meredith Andrews. I heard her on the radio, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE her CD. If you haven't heard it, and/or don't own it, go get it. Check out some clips on iTunes and then buy it. You'll thank me, later. :-) She became my selection of choice for a bit, because I'm one of those people that sticks to the same CD for a while before moving on to another.

So after some one-on-one driving time with Meredith (yeah... we're close like that. ha ha), I started artist hopping, again. I went from her to Brooke Fraser (who's CD, apparently, McStudly had already ordered for me on amazon, as a surprise - he knows my love for music). She's amazing. She's originally from New Zealand (her dad was a famous Rugby player, in his early years), then moved to Australia where she became one of Hillsongs United's worship leaders. She also began her career as a solo-artist. She's amazing. her songs are thought-provoking, much like Meredith Andrews, but she's more guitar-driven and rockin' than Meredith's full band sound and tear-jerker songs that make you want to go deeper (ha - that's the name of one of her songs, even!).

Anywho - after some one-on-one time with Brooke, it was time to hop again. So I went online. iTunes has this feature called "genius". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's super cool. Straight from Apple's website: "While you reacquaint yourself with the music you already own, let Genius introduce you to new music you’ll love. As you select songs in your library, the Genius sidebar displays songs from the iTunes Store that go great with it. The Genius sidebar won’t recommend songs already in your library, and you can preview and buy recommended songs directly from the sidebar." Get it? So pretty much, it tells you what artists and songs that, according to your current library, would be a good fit for your 'style' of music.

And it's named perfectly. Genius led me to Francesca Battistelli. Now, she's starting to be played on the radio, now, but she wants when I "found" her. At least not in our neck of the woods. I was starting to think that our radio stations don't even know what current music exists, much less want to play it on their station. But she's amazing. She's got more of a Sara Bareillas type feel, with her piano-driven songs, but her lyrics are totally though-provoking and face-slapping (in a good "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way... as opposed to the bad "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way). She just puts things in a kind of light that can, in a sense, help you re-realize what's real. Wow - I'm not making any sense. Just take a look at these, if you will... maybe that'll help, some:


Excerpts that have me thinking:

"I don't know where the story ends
But I'll be alright 'cause you wrote it.
I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine.
You're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go.
You're keeping me guessing."



"Even though I've got the lines rehearsed, A picture only paints a thousand words…
Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seening part of me.
There's more than you could ever know, behind the scenes.
I'm incimplete and I'm undone,
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much morethat's going on, behind the scenes…
When it's hard to find hope in the unseen,
I have peace in knowing it will find me."

"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and tell me I have all you seek
And it's easy to believe, even though

I've got a couple dents in my fender,
Got a couple rips in my jeans.
I'm tryin' to fit the pieces together,
But perfection is my enemy.
And on my own I'm so clumsy,
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me."

Okay so those are just a few - the only ones I could find already typed up online (and I'm too lazy to type them up myself, since I'm supposed to be doing actual work right now.

So this chick is awesome. You really have to listen to her songs to like her, because just looking at the lyrics make it seem... eh... overly simplified. But maybe that's the beauty? I think we all have a tendency to over-complicate things. Especially the female variety (AMEN, sista!). But since I'm one to really read into artists as I find them, I was checking out Franny's (yep... we're cool like that, too) blog/journal and there was a quote that totally whimp-slapped me upside my head. I mean I really had to read it a few times before I could get through it without being totally floored with it's application to my life.

As most of you know, I wrote a while back about how I feel like God's really been pushing me to use the gifts he's given me. And so I start pushing further. But I slacked off a bit. I make stupid excuses and even though I have people trying to help me push myself, I am pretty convincing when I make excuses for them, as well. Not to mention they have their OWN stuff to deal with, here. But really - what's my PROBLEM?! Well, here's the quote that pretty much knocked me off my comfy little cushioned work chair, this morning:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Nelson Mandela

Umm... OUCH!! Did that knock anyone ELSE'S socks off?

So yeah. That's where I am today. Where are you?

(and no, I don't know to know where you physically are. Let's be real, here, people... if we can't be vulnerable hiding behind our computers, where can we be?!)

Letting it All Hang Out

So I did it. I finally got to the point where I shared one of my songs with a few other people. *GASP*

It's true. First my best girlfriend, Ashley... then My Husband, and then our Worship Pastor. Glad that I finally did, because it's only getting better this way.



This was a BIG step for me. Aren't you proud??

S-L-A-C-K-E-R

That's how you spell my name. Yep - I'm a slacker, and I know it.

Last week was Thanksgiving, so that's an excuse in itself. And I hurt my back Sunday evening playing Flag Football. So... there. That's another excuse.

I could go all day with excuses. I'm full of them! But I won't put you through that...


Kicking it down a "serious notch", or two... I'm a slacker in way more ways than in just the blogosphere. And I want to share it with you. I'm going to be real - some of it is going to sound weird. Some of it will sound normal. Some of it will sound confusing. But it's real. It's one of those "ah-hah!" moments I've had over the past few weeks and it's been getting stronger and clearer since the first time it slapped me across the face.


So here's the thing: do you ever get those gifts at Christmas that you kind've have to over-act grateful for? I mean don't get me wrong - you're totally appreciative that someone took the time and money to get you a gift and that means a lot in itself, but it's one of those gifts that... well... they don't fit your personality, and yet you feel obligated to display it or wear it so that the giver will see it?!

Well, if we're honest, we've all gotten at least ONE of those gifts. Especially if you've gotten married - you get those random "what in the world?!" kinds of gifts. Right?! It's totally weird, too. I mean, what am I going to do with a ceramic white and gold statue of a bride and groom for the rest of my life after I've already gotten married? Let's just say... it doesn't quite fit into my decor. But I feel like I have to keep it (...if only for the simple fact that I can't bear to re-gift it and be thought of in the same way I thought of the giver, and it's too nice to throw into the trash can or give to goodwill. What's a girl to do?!).


Unfortunately, I think we do this with the gifts that God gives us. At least I know that I'm WAY guilty of that. Am I only the only one?!

I mean, imagine how the person that gave you that not-so-fantastic gift came over and saw the Christmas sweater they made for you sitting in the garbage cans outside. It would suck, right?!

So when God gives you a gift, it's for a reason. And he doesn't give you a little cushion of gifting in that area just in case you decide to use it... No, he gives it to you so that you can use all of it. He wants you to rock that gift's world! He wants you to wear it out like it's been out of style since the 80s and you're JUST now realizing it. He wants you to because he owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and he'll keep replenishing that gifting over and over and over again.

This gift isn't a box of Girl Scout cookies that you're trying to savor slowly until they start selling them again next year - this is more like the unlimited supply of said girl scout cookies (and can I just take a time out to say that I would be TOTALLY fantastic with the idea of unlimited, year-round girl scout cookies?! I'm just saying...).


And this is where I've been failing lately (with the giftings, not the girl scout cookies). I'm really only using between 40 and 60% of the gifts that God has given me.

Over the past few weeks, I have had the same recurring dream several times. It's not one of those dreams that are warm and fuzzy and then by noon, when you finally get to tell your best bud about it, you're all kinds of fuzzy on the details. It's more like the super vivid dream that you couldn't forget if you WANTED to!

Anywho... back to the dream: I'm standing on a stage and singing. I'm not just singing, I mean I'm SANGIN'! You know the difference... singing is when you stand there are pretty and sing on pitch and only suffice to meet everyone's expectations. It's pretty. People are smiling. The little old ladies in the 2nd row are clapping softly off-beat with you. And then you walk off stage and breathe a sigh of relief that it's over and spend the next few hours over-analyzing the way you "delivered" the song. But SANGIN' is when you just belt it. You put EVERYTHING you've GOT into that song. You sing like the lives of every little baby around the world depends on it. It's like Cristina Aguilera ain't got NOTHING on you when you're singing this song. You're owning that song.


That's the difference.


The most important difference between the two?

When you SANG, he's just totally captivated by the gift that he's given you. He's the proudest father. The one clapping the loudest at your grand finally. He's BEEMING with pride in having given you the PERFECT gift!! He just KNEW that you'd use it this way. He just knew it!! And he couldn't be happier.

God loves your singing. He really does. But when you just sing the song, as happy as he is that you're using that gift he's given you, it's like he's turned to look back as he left the Christmas party at your house, and through that window saw you throwing that sweater that you hate so much into the trash can. Or using it to wipe up the mess you just made when you spilled the 7-layer dip on the kitchen floor as you were cleaning up. You are slapping God in the face and saying "Yeah, it's a cool gift and all, but my fear of humiliation, my fear of what people will think, my worry that people will judge me as a show-off is way more important than the extent of your silly little gift." Because, after all... people are the ones you have to live with everyday, right?! They're the ones you have to answer to when you walk off that stage afterwards...


Right?!



Well, in my dream, I'm just jamming. I am Sangin' His Eye is On the Sparrow. I mean, I am kicking that song's musical butt! And people are being touched by it! They're being given Hope that they hadn't seen in years. Filled with Joy that they hadn't ever felt before. That simple old song that we've all heard a dozen times - it was really meeting people where they were.

All because I was using the gift that God has given me to it's capacity. I was fulfilling a purpose.


God doesn't give a bird wings so that he can walk around flappin' them at each other. He gives them wings so they can fly. That's their purpose, but it can't be met unless they truly use their wings to their fullest ability.

So why are we any different? Why do we laugh at God's "cute" little giftings? They aren't "cute" - they're ordained! They are put there for a reason, and not just to be looked at and imagined.


A few months back, when our church was between Worship leaders, I stepped in, some, and helped lead worship when they needed me. The problem? I was not only TERRIFIED, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but I was still only dabbing my big toe in to see if the water was cold when I would sing. I didn't truly lead people in worship. Heck no - I just sang the main part of the song, like I was some kind of a sing-along worship CD that you play in the car on the way to work in the morning.

Can God use that? Yes. Absolutely. No question. Did he? No doubt. But had I used the gift he had given me to actually LEAD people in worship, we could've experience a level of worship that was on a whole new playing field.

But instead of was worried about saying the wrong thing between songs, so I didn't say anything. I was too nervous that my Sanging would distract people, so I just sang the song like we all knew it.


And that wasn't the point. NONE of that should've mattered. And no matter how many times I was told that people truly need some encouragement in worship and truly need to be led, no matter how much I told myself "You can do this. They need this. YOU need this...", once I got up on stage, I froze. I was worried about the band getting my signals. I was worried about singing the wrong verse and misleading the vocalists that were singing with me. I was frozen in my own anxiety.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been a slacker with the gift God has given me, and I need to get off my butt and start using it the way that he gave it to me, not just the way that I'm comfortable or the way that I always have in the past.

Comfort zones are just that - they're comfortable. But they aren't God-made. They are totally, completely, 100% man-made. And if everyone played it "safe", then no one would ever hear about him. Or feel his love. Or wake up and realize that he has so much more for them than they could ever accomplish within their own strength. But we have GOT to learn to break down those stupid comfortable walls, and stop building them again once things get stormy. We're missing SO MUCH of what he's given us. Why doesn't that keep us up at night? Why doesn't that bother us like it should? Because we're just staying inside of our safe-ness. Comfortable in our cozy little comfort zones... stupid little things.





What gift are hiding behind? What talents have you been given, but are too worried to shine in? In what ways are you a Slacker?

Crazy Birthday month from He...aven?!

Oy oy OY!!

This month is pure craziness. Check it:

9 May - Carrie's birthday (sorry, but I have to miss the party!!)
9 May - Diddy's birthday (our Young Adult Pastor, and no, his name is not really Diddy...)
10 May - Bridal/Welcomming Shower for some friends (shh... it's a surprise!!)
11 May - Mother's Day (so that means 2 mommas, and 3 Grandmommas...)
12 May - Malina's birthday (Kyle's little sister)
16 May - Bekah's birthday (My little sister)
20 May - April's birthday (My big sister)
24 May - Papa Bear's birthday (My Daddy... DUH!)

AND there are a few more birthdays, but if I named them all, I'd go crazy.

So as you can tell, it's a bit of a crazy month for Kyle and I. PLUS - 10 May is Kyle and I's 6-month wedding aniversary (aww... how cute!).

*Does anyone have any Ibuprofen? I need Ibuprofen!!*

So tonight is the big shopping night for everything. I kind've know what we're getting most people, but as far as money goes - WHOA!! It's a good thing we have a Gift Savings account on the side. BUT we love to give gifts... it just stinks that it costs money, sometimes. :-P


Alrigty - we'll I'm off to pretend I'm working. But I'm sure I'll probably be blogging again soon.


Tootles!!