Workin' It Out

Ouch. Two weeks since my last post. My bad! I’ve actually been meaning to post about a thought that I’ve been working through, lately. Kind’ve a gigantic metaphor for marriage, if you will. But first, a little back-story... I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, because it’s not something that we typically broadcast (mainly because we know it can be controversial in some circles), but Studly and I haven’t been part of a church for coming up on 1 year, now. In the interest of full disclosure, it’s been for no other reason than that we just haven’t found a church family in which we felt like we really were a part, but that's not really the point of this post. I miss it terribly, at times. The accountability. The genuine friendships. The corporate worship. The different perspectives preached ever Sunday. But honestly? I think more than anything, we needed this time away from an organized church atmosphere. We have grown SO much in the past year. And in the past few months, it’s been even greater. We are a daily work-in-progress, but I genuinely feel like we’re starting to adjust to our intended roles in marriage. I fully believe that men and women were created uniquely to fit a specific role. That’s what the bible says, and therefore it’s what I believe. I’m not feminist by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know that it was NOT an easy pill to swallow. I felt like I shouldn’t have to ANSWER to anyone, but God. I shouldn’t be ruled over by some guy that isn’t perfect, either… how is that fair? But can I just tell you that it’s not like that at ALL?! Whether Studly fulfills his role or not, I’m to submit to his leadership as the Priest of our home. Yes, he does have rules of his own, but I think as women (at least I did) we tend to jump straight to “but HE’S supposed to…” instead of just reading our own job description and applying it ourselves. It’s hard not to be the Holy Spirit FOR my husband. But that’s not the idea, here. Can I tell you one more thing? It is SOOO beautiful, the thing that happens when you both work towards your own role. When you are living in the way that God intended, it is AMAZING how much better things will flow together. Seriously!! Now, some of you have GOT to know what I’m talking about, here. There are so many metaphors I can use to throw this thing into gear, but it’s true. If each part of the body doesn’t do its own intended function, and instead argues that another body part gets the “better” job, or the more “important” job and tries to do that instead, then we’d be doomed. Every organ can’t be the heart, or there’d be no lungs, no brain, no stomach. Everything serves a purpose!! Oops. Tangent much? Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that we are learning a lot these days. And it really took us being out of an organized church environment for us to no longer rely on what we learned on the weekends to deepen our respective relationships with God. Not having a crutch to lean on required us to work through things diligently. To be more earnest in the time we DO spend with each other and with God. To be purposeful. And therefore, we’re not just checking some box off of the list, but we’re actually learning and training ourselves in the process. Now please know this: I am ABSOLUTELY NOT saying that ANYone should stop going to church in order to find this. I’m not even pretending that is some kind of magical equation to any kind of desired goal. Please don’t think that. I’m just saying that through everything, this is what came of that for us. We had a large number of reasons for leaving the church we once attended, but not becoming a part of another church right away was not the plan at all. It’s what happened, and through it all we sought after God’s will for our lives. It’s been a tough road, but we really believe that we’ve grown so so much. Anywho, I just wanted to give you a teeny little update on where we’ve been lately, but it’s all leading up to a post I’ve been wanting to write on a metaphor for marriage that I’ve come to understand. It’s nothing vast and it’ll probably be nothing to knew to any of you married people (possibly even a few singles), but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little refresher or reminder from time to time. And for any single people, maybe it’ll be a bit of a window to what marriage will be like when that time comes. Alright. That’s enough for today, but I’m eager to hear your thoughts on the above “stuff.” Have any of you gone a length of time without being active in a church? Are there any of you that don’t go to church, and don’t plan to? What are you thoughts on the biblical roles intended for marriage? And Be Honest, Guys. This is a judgement free zone. I can totally handle hearing that someone doesn’t agree with me and I would love to discuss why it is you believe what you believe, whatever that may be. I can agree to disagree, so bring it on. :)

Habits

There's been a lot of stuff going on around me, lately. And this time, I'm talking of things OTHER than my home, etc. I mean... within good friends, within family ... it's been quite a few months.

I've learned a few things that I'd like to share with you. Some of it has been told to me and some of it has been realized. It's in no particular order, but all of it is important and relevant.


You can't see the shadow of your own light, for it hides behind the very obstacles you cannot see around. For some of us, these obstacles are obvious... for some of us, they aren't. They can be our pride. They can be our material items. They can be our attitudes and stubbornness. And they can even be our decisions or mistakes. But we all have a tendency to believe we have the best view there is. And from where you're standing, that may be true. The important thing to remember is there's someone else with a view that you don't have - and they may see that dead end around the corner that you can't see from where you are.

Instinct is to think you're fine. You can see perfectly well, from here, and what do they know? Well, often times they know more than you think. You think that your perspective is better because you're been driving down this road of life longer, or because you've been down that turn before. But things change. And the people you think you're "better" than often have some bits of information that you don't have.

1 Timothy 4:12 says "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." Often times, we don't even acknowledge the latter of the verse, because we've already written people due to their age or inexperience... or for simply not being "you".


We often judge others by their words or actions, while judging ourselves by our own intentions. Be honest. You totally do it. We ALL do. Because we know our intentions in certain situations where we can't possibly know someone else's. It's just easier to judge by their actions, isn't it? But that doesn't make it right. It's a really hard habit to break - I'm still catching myself on this one. But it's very important to remember.

Luke 6:41-42 says "41"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

It's so easy to judge others more harshly than ourselves - this person has an entire PLANK in his eye while he's worried about the little bitty speck in someone else's. Now that's messed up. But it's reality. Again - we all do it. It's just easier than having to pull out a mirror and deal with the pain of "de-planking" ourselves. Because it does hurt. It sucks. It's like throwing soap on a wound. You just avoid it, because no matter how much the wound itself hurts, you KNOW it'll hurt like 50x worse with the soap on it. Sure the soap will make it better and clean it out so it can heal, but it HURTS! Right?!

So we defend ourselves when people do it to us because "I was just trying to help" or "I didn't want it to get worse". But when we're doing it to someone else, it doesn't matter. It's black and white. The gray area that existed when we were the ones being pointed at no longer exists. It doesn't matter because they are wrong, end of story.



Ultimately, I guess I'm learning more and more about how easy it is to look down on people or judge people. But when we do that, we're putting ourselves above them. And then we have a false sense of humility to say that we're just "trying to help".

If you have a place of trust in someone's life, then you can speak into them and encourage them to better themselves. But if you don't, sticking your foot on their head and just starting to yank away will just make them angry, and you'll lose your chance to speak into them at all.



I encourage you guys to, within the coming weeks, evaluate yourself and see where you are. I know I'm gonna have to put a pillow on my rear with all the self-kicking I've done while writing this post, so you're not alone. And it's nobody's business but your own. That's the thing about self-evaluation... it's a private thing. Nobody needs to know your junk, but you will find that there are times when sharing your own junk may help someone with theirs.




Well, I know I'm guilty of it, so I need to go make some changes. If I'm the only one and this all seemed like rambling to you guys, well I apologize. But I think it helps me sometimes to put things in writing, before I see what it all means. Am I the only one that's like that??