My Voice

This post will probably not get all positive feedback. And ya know what? I'm okay with that.


I started this blog a while ago as a way to be able to express myself and do anything from blabbering on about nothing to getting y'alls advice on situations I find myself in, as well as expressing my personal opinions and beliefs in an appropriate setting.

If nothing else, I've somehow managed to make some good friends along the way. But on top of that amazing plus, my husband is ever-so-grateful to not have to listen to be babble on and on about something he could care less about... which as a woman is half of what I babble on about. (Can I get an "amen"?!)


Anywho - I say all of that to say this: sometime that "blabbering" involves an issue that people aren't as open-minded about. I think I've done a pretty good job (if I do say so myself, that is) at keeping that to a pretty good minimum... but this tends to be a topic that gets people heated. And since it's not quite winter here in these parts, let's keep the heat to a minimum, if we can. Also, please remember that as the blog owner, I reserve the right to delete/deny any comments that are drama-filled. I will NOT delete comments simple for the fact that they hold different opinions. That you can count on. But if things get ugly, or something is blatantly hurtful, then I'll get to clicking.


Now that I've probably scared everyone away, here's what I was prepping you for.

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I'm Pro-Life.


There. I said it. I don't think that's necessarily a secret, seeing as how I've posted on the counselling I do in the local pregnancy clinic, but in case I haven't come right out with it in the past, there it is.

I am Pro-Life in that I believe life begins at the moment of conception. Try as you may, but you'll have a hard time convincing me otherwise. I believe that the instant that an individual full-set of 46 chromosomes appears, with a different set of DNA from that of the mother, I call that life.

I won't start spilling out anything more on that particular topic, really... at least I don't intend to, at this point. But I want to make it clear that I believe life begins as soon as the egg is fertilized by the sperm. So I've said it. There shouldn't be any confusion at this point.


But where it does get confusing is here: There's a political ad running in the DC area (which we happen to be kind've close to, and thus are subject to the ads from time to time) that shows graphic images of aborted fetuses. It's picture after picture of different aborted babies after an abortion. According to several articles on the ads, the candidate that is running the ads is only running to be able to show the ads on television.

You see, there's a law in effect that prevents any network or cable television channel from being able to alter a political ad in any way. I get this. It's to protect the ads from unwarranted editing which would make them appear and/or sound different than the candidate actually intended them to be. And the networks/cable stations are also prohibited from shifting/changing the ad to any air-time other than was was intentionally purchased by the candidate. I get it. This keeps a network/station that is more strongly affiliated with one political party from being able to mess with the ad of a candidate with another political party. It totally makes sense.


But I don't agree with this ad.


I feel that the candidate has "played" the system. And as pro-life as I am, I do NOT think that it's okay to subject children and/or forcing mothers of previous abortions to have to see these images. Granted, you can turn the channel. But you shouldn't have to. This crosses a line in my book.


I will, however, say this. I do believe that these kinds of images should be viewed by those currently in the positions of authority and/or are in law-making positions. Congress. The Senate. Any member in the law-making/law-enforcing divisions of government should be required to so photos of a fetus before, during, and after an abortion procedure has taken place. I feel that they should have to see it to make a truly informed decision. There should be absolutely no bias or prejudice in making these decisions, thus I believe that all of this should be taken in to account when major decisions are being made.


I just feel like there's a better way to do this. I don't believe that ignorance is an excuse. But instead of slapping people in the face with images of dead babies, why not display statistics of the effects of PAS on women who have had abortions, and how common it is for it to lead to suicide. What about exposing the manipulation and lack of care given to these women seeking abortions by organizations such as Plann3d Par3nthood and the like. Why not out them so as to expose their inconsistencies and self-serving "relationship" building techniques with teenagers, when they are only seeking to build future business. Why not stick with the truth about life - when the heart begins beating (fyi: 21 days after conception, on day 35 of pregnancy), and when we form our very own fingerprints, or when we can start blinking our eyes and making facial expressions, or begin to feel pain, (as measured by fetal response to stimulus)... why do we exploit the innocent bodies of dead babies, instead of defending their right to life and encouraging when that life happens?


As a Christian, I have a hard time believe that if Jesus had the technology, he would've shown murderers pictures of dead people and abortion-minded women pictures of their dead babies. I can't imagine that this is what he would've done. Call me crazy. He never once flaunted someone's sin in front of a group of people. He gave grace abundantly and hurt for the sinner. He hurt for the adulterer AND the ones who threw stones at her. He hurt for the men who hung on the cross next to him - BOTH of them.


He hurt for me.


And he loved me.


He still does. My Jesus didn't spit in my face and make me watch the mistakes I made over and over. He didn't make me relive it. He forgave me and brought me peace.


What are we doing? Marching with pictures of dead babies raised high or airing "political ads" with their faces plastered on the screen. What does that accomplish?

It doesn't make people rethink their position on abortion. It doesn't cause people to choose life, rather than abortion. It accomplishes nothing but setting us back. It makes people lash out in anger and consider all pro-lifers to be radical freaks set out to make people uncomfortable.


It makes someone like me - someone that's more sure than anything that life beings at conception - sad to be clumped into the same group as these people.


For anyone that's seen the ad and been hurt or offended by it, I am so sorry. There's nothing I can do to stop them from airing it, and there's no way I can take that back, but I can apologize for it and tell you that not all of those that are pro-life would agree with this.

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Now back to the topic of my being pro-life... leaving this ad behind.


I'm sure there are quite a few people that would argue that I'm soft or "on the fence", but I assure you that I am not. Let me explain:

Again I'll say - I am 100% pro-life. I don't agree with abortion. When people argue for abortion purely for the sake of rape and incest victims, I'd like to remind them that 1) that only accounts for less than 6% of abortions in the US today, and 2) I'm not talking about this. I don't believe that abortion is right in any circumstance (and statistics have shown that the majority of these victims have claimed their abortion to have felt more like a 2nd death), but that's not what this particular blog is about. And I don't always say that, because I'm never going to succeed in accomplishing anything by starting an argument with someone.


For the time being, I'm talking about the other 94% of abortions.


I keep saying that one of these days I will post the abortion procedure in non-colorful, fact only layman's terms. Many people do not know the actual procedure for several reasons 1) they've never needed to, 2) they've never had one, 3) they've had one but didn't receive any kind of walk-through of the surgical procedure before-hand, or 4) didn't want to know. And maybe that post is long overdue... I'll see if I can work on it sometime soon.

(I assure you, it is not a colorful opinion-filled explanation of the process. It is the simple fact-only version we are permitted to give tot he clients at the pregnancy clinic, where we are not at all allowed to express our personal beliefs on the topic. Therefore, I can't imagine anyone being offended, but I'm sure it's about to happen. There will be a large warning before it begins, so anyone that is squeamish or uninterested will know to skip the post.)


But whatever the case may be, I struggle with one thing. And this may be where some people start disagreeing with me, if they aren't already. I struggle with the fact that I believe abortion is murder. Some of you have rolled your eyes, but let me explain it this way - as I stated before, I believe that life begins at conception. I believe that the minute that the sperm fertilizes the egg, there is life. There is human life. In that instance, 23 chromosomes from the mother, and 23 chromosomes from the father unite to create a 46 chromosomed individual human life. Yes, that life is dependant on another for 9 months, but there is no instance in nature where the life of the baby is not dependant on the assistance and/or nurture of another party (I could easily take a rabbit trail here about how quick people are defend helpless animals, but are quicker still to write off a fetus as a human life... but I'll try to stick to the subject at hand).

So my stance in being pro-life doesn't necessarily, in this case, involve my religious beliefs. I could absoLUTEly involve them to continue to back my opinion, but it doesn't matter. I don't believe that is what should convince people to be pro-life.

And this is where people question my beliefs. But I assure you that I am still 100% a believer in God. I just have to say, that when you start pulling religion into politics, in this country, you walk a very thin line. If we use religion as a foundation for law in a country that no longer recognizes their history of being founded on the principles of God, then we risk them allowing people with other religious beliefs to do the same.

Now don't get me wrong, I wish that this country would turn back to God. I think it would solve problems way easier and faster than anyone could imagine, but the issue of when life begins, though it is absolutely and 100% a God ordained design, can't be based solely on that principle.


When our only way to reason with non-believers is based solely on our interpretation of the Bible, we can't be shocked when they think we're crazy. If we believe something, and someone else doesn't, then they won't be able to see things the same way that we do. And telling them that abortion is wrong because it's a sin doesn't accomplish anything with a person who doesn't believe in the word "sin" to begin with. It'd be like arguing our point in French to someone who only speaks English. It'll only cause them to get angry and frustrated and write us off all the more.


Does that make sense?


And where I am not saying that we should exclude our biblical beliefs in making our decisions or relying on them to help us in choosing who to vote for or which laws should be put in effect, I am saying that it's no way to back a decision to a no longer God-fearing government or world.


So to argue it outside of religious beliefs, if at all possible, I say this: I believe that life begins at conception, when 46 chromosomes appear and a unique set of DNA has been created. And in showing that the heart begins beating before the woman would know she is pregnant, I can't imagine how abortion isn't considered murder, when the definition of death in the medical dictionary is this: the irreversible cessation of all vital functions especially as indicated by permanent stoppage of the heart, respiration, and brain activity. So then, if the heart is already beating, and we can detect the presence of the use brain waves in a fetus as early as 21 days from conception, how then is their death not considered murder?

And furthermore, the Declaration of Independence, the very constitution that this country clings so tightly to, reads that all men are created equal, and are endowed 3 certain unalienable Rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Where then have we lost sight of the right to life. And who gets to decide who is and is not in fact warranted these rights.






Well, I'm eager to hear what you have to say, and I think I've babbled on long enough, on the subject, so I'll leave you with this:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."






Thanks for stopping by, guys. :-)

Worry Warts

I recently wrote an article for our Women's Ministry eNewsletter. Just wanted to share it with you guys, as well.


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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11


As women, we worry a lot. In fact, some of us could make a pretty successful career out of it. For the most part, we think we have a pretty good reason to worry. We feel justified and call it “concern.” Justified or not, concerned or not – the fact is we let it consume us to the point of constant worrying.

We worry about every aspect of our lives. We worry about our husbands, kids, and home. We worry about our cars, jobs, and finances. We worry about our hair, wardrobe, and weight. Ultimately, worry about our past, present, and future. Why do we do this to ourselves? We were created to be caring and nurturing, but somehow we’ve turned it into controlling and worrying about anything and everything.

Take another look at that list. What do you notice? It’s all about possession. They’re my kids – I’m supposed to worry about them. He’s my husband… It’s my house… It’s my future… But ladies, Psalms 100:3 says “Know that the LORD is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.” [emphasis added] By allowing ourselves to worry about all of these things, we’re claiming them as our own. When we cling so closely to those things in our lives that feel so important, we’re not allowing God, in his sovereignty, to hold them close. We regularly say we trust Him. We sing songs about how we’ve given our lives to Him – our whole lives – and yet, within ourselves, we find it necessary to hold on to bits and pieces that we feel most connected to or responsible for.

These things that we care about most; these people that we care about the most – we’re picking them up as if we are a small child that thinks it’s strong enough to carry something heavy by itself. And just as that child pulls away when you try to help, we’re pulling ourselves farther from God, and saying, “God, I know You’re good and perfect. I know You created them with Your own hands, but I can do it. I can take it from here.” And God, in his gentleness, let’s us try. We struggle, grunt, and strain to do it on our own, but ultimately we’re not successful. So we worry.

Other than a headache and countless other health problems, excessive worrying gets us no where. Matthew 6:27 says “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” There is no benefit associated with worry. Not one.

Each time we worry, we’re turning our back on the God who loves us. Instead of entrusting him with every ounce of our lives, we’re taking the reins. We’re so consumed with “possibilities” and “maybes” and the thought of “what if” that we have caused ourselves to sin. We’re sinning when we’re focusing on these things rather than God, just as an adulterer turns her attention on her lover, rather than her groom. That sin then pulls us even farther from God and, before we realize what has happened, we’re caught in this deep pit of worry.

Even in that moment… in that pit, God, in His mercy, loves us still. He doesn’t just leave us there to figure things out, but He picks us up, dusts us off, and tells us to cast our cares onto Him. Not only does He forgive us for worrying, but He actually offers to carry the load FOR us! Psalms 55:22 says “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” When we do that, the worries, the concerns, the anxieties no longer weigh us down, and we’re free to live the life he’s designed for us.

The next time you feel overwhelmed with concern or find yourself worrying excessively, remember that He has a plan and a purpose for you. He’s on your side! He won’t harm you, but has promised you hope and a future. And at the end of the day, he’s the only one who knows what it is, so why bother worrying about it when the very creator of our existence is waiting, arms opened to us, and willing to have us walk through it together.

A Love Letter

Dear Snobby-Old-Lonely-British-Neighbor-With-Nothing-Better-To-Do-Than-Worry-About-Other-People:

If you don't like it, then DON'T LOOK! Forgive ME for going out of down for a family funeral and not stopping to worry about taking my freaking trash to the dump before I left. I'll try to plan the family deaths around the trash schedule and your preferences next time.

And if you're going to report me to the HOA, don't LIE and tell them that the trash has been outside for 2 weeks, when it'd only actually been out there for 2 DAYS!! Let's face it: You'd either report me for putting it at the curb too early, or apparently you'd report for not putting it out soon enough. Good GRIEF!

Have you stopped to consider that the REASON you're so lonely is because you're so stinking NASTY to anyone and everyone around you that doesn't live to your personal letter of the law?

This is America. A land of freedom. A land where we know we're not perfect, and we don't pretend to be.

So please - dismount and park your high horse somewhere else, because I don't give a rat's vomit about what you think of me. And clearly that feeling is mutual.

If you (and your new redneck friend downstairs) had taken just a moment or two to get to know my husband and I, then you'd know that we'd do anything we can to help you, should you need it. Lord help you if anything should happen and you can't maintain your home (especially if the HOA came-a-knockin'). Or should you get hurt and not be able to do more than yell for help, we're the ones that would hear you.

Have you stopped to think about that? Have you considered that maybe we'd would be better allies than we are the enemies you're making for yourself? No. Of course you haven't. Because that would require you to think about someone other than yourself.

You're an angry old lonely woman, and that won't change until you do. And unfortunately for us all, that will probably never happen.

My suggestion? You don't like it here, then leave. You do like it here? Act like it and quit making everyone around you so miserable. Then... tell your face. Your angry wrinkles are giving you away.

Signed,

Your annoyed and already wanting to move as far as possible neighbors next door. You know - the ones with the dog that poops. *GASP!

Decisions, Decisions

So I've recently been presented with a few decisions that need to be made, and it's forcing me to really evaluate where I am, right now.

For those of you who have read fairly regularly, you know the McStudly and I are really involved in our church. We love it! I really wish, most of the time, that I could get paid to do that instead of working at the full-time job I have (though I do actually enjoy that, as well). Ah well... one can dream, right?!

Anywho, I was recently approached about becoming more (or perhaps just a tad differently and a bit more frequently) involved in one of the areas that I thoroughly enjoy. And in actuality, it was literally a dream come true... as in - I had a dream about it a week or so ago. Crazy, right?! Yeah. I thought so, too. And when this person told me the other night that they had something they wanted to talk to me about, my thoughts went to this dream. Of course, being of the female persuasion and all, my thoughts then quickly went to "am I in trouble?" or "what did I do?!", but I was assured I was not in trouble at all... though I was still a bit anxious about it (who wouldn't be?!).

I said I'd talk to McStudly about it, since it involved more of a time commitment and I"m already pretty spread in several different directions (which actually caused them to almost not ask me at all, because they knew I was so busy. Nice, eh?).

So, basically, I've been thinking about it a lot. Like a LOT lot. I'm not one to believe in these kinds of coincidences as purely random, but more like purposeful. Does that make sense?! Between the dream, and thinking this was what it would be about... and then actually being right. I dunno - call me crazy!


But here's where I struggle. Remember I said I'm already pretty spread in several different directions? Yeah. As in here's what I do on any given week: Sunday morning: church (sometimes both services). Sunday evening: Underground (Young Adults). Monday: free (woohoo!). Tuesday: worship practice. Wednesday: church early for prep and then helping with Fusion (Youth service). Thursday: Pregnancy clinic training. Friday: free (hopefully date-night). Saturday: who knows... cleaning, laundry (yeah right, ha!), sleeping in!!!

I'm not insanely busy, I suppose, but keep in mind that Tuesday - Thursday activities are not including McStudly. He isn't involved int he worship team, or youth, or the pregnancy clinic. So we see each other before and after, but it's kind've like ships passing in the night. Also, there are monthly meetings involved (sometimes multiple) with all of these ministries, so they usually take up another night or two, here and there, so it's ends up being one packed month after another.


I say all of this to get to my point, I suppose. Making this change means that I need to make a sacrifice somewhere else. That's why this isn't a "Well, of course!" kind of a thing, right now.

Sidenote: On top of that, the McStud and I have been having a very... trying week (we all have them - you know where you just keep butting heads and/or missing each other and it's juts rough all around?! Yeah. That kind.), so that hasn't really helped, much.


I really want to do this, but I don't know how I feel about stepping down in the other areas I'm involved in. It's not easy. It's going to take a lot of thought and prayer, as well as discussion with the hubster before a decision is reached.

FYI: in case you're wondering, it's not like I'll be moving to Africa, or anything, so you may think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to (not that you know what it is, or anything), but to me, it's personally a hard decision.


I just feel torn, I guess is the best way to put it. I'm involved in all of these ministries because of various reasons, but mainly because I have a heart to be there. So it's not like I could just drop it like a bad habit and move on to something else, ya know?! It's hard to see something that seems so right just out of your reach, and you have to let go of something else to get to it... sometimes more than one "something else", like in my case - I feel like letting go of just one thing won't really change anything or make extra time or add less stress, but that it would take letting go of two things just for the 1.


Am I babbling? Or hopefully I'm at least making a little teenie bit of sense in here, somewhere?!


Maybe blogging about it is helping me to feel like I'm working things out. Pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case) can really help me sort out my thoughts, sometimes.


All I know is with all that went before this - the dream, kind've seeing it coming (does it sound bad to say that?! It feels like it sounds really snobby and braggadocios - Ooh... HUGE points for using that word in a blog on a Friday!!), and then actually hearing it. I don't know - call me crazy, but I feel like this is where God wants me. And on top of all that, I've already been trying to stretch myself in this area. I mean... McStudly and I have had many a conversation about it and my trying to better myself and step out of my comfort zone (that could be a whole other blog in itself!), and then this happens. So is it weird of me to think that all of this is playing a part in the bigger picture, somehow? I just can't shake the feeling.


And maybe that's why I feel so compelled to lean in this direction, while knowing that it'll take some sacrifice to get there.


Could that be the point? I trust God. I really do. But am I the only one that still questions things... even the things I really feel that he's leading me towards? What is WRONG with me?!?!


Why do we do this? We hold so tight onto the things that we know. The things that are familiar. the things we're comfortable with... even though we know that God has bigger and better plans for us to move on to.


It's like I know what I need to do, but I worry too much about actually doing it. Or I feel like I'll be letting someone down or putting someone else in a bad spot by stepping down and/or out of the other ministries.


*lightbulb moment*

Hang on a second... is that maybe a form of pride?! Do I somehow, without realizing it, hold myself so highly that I think the other people... the other ministries can't do without me? Ouch. Talk about a public realization of fault, man. I'm discovering, openly, on my blog that I'm dealing with pride in an area I had no idea was there. This blog post is getting heavier and heavier the more I type.

Sidenote: Am I the only one that is doing this? Is there any chance that maybe you guys are dealing with similar forms of pride? I mean... God can do the impossible. We sing it. We say it. We may shout it from time to time. But then there's that dang old box, again, and we think that he can't carry on a ministry without use. Ouch ouch OUCH! Please be honest... I feel like I may be the only one, right now, and that's not making me feel so good. :-(


Wow. I need to deal with that. Like yesterday! And I think that, maybe, I just made my decision. ??


Of course I'll be talking to McStudly about it more (we actually get to SEE each other tonight. Squeea!) and praying about it a little more, but can I ask you a HUGEmongous favor?? Can you all pray for me, too? For both the decision, and now, apparently, my subconscious issues with pride, too?



Gesh... why is humility so difficult that you don't even realize you are missing it, most of the time?! I'm missing the mark and somehow I feel like I'm still shooting straight. Ugh!!



Well, I've carried on long enough, and given you enough of a Serious Pill for this Friday. Hope it wasn't too big to swallow, and that you'll be honest enough with yourself (...and possibly the rest of us?!) to do it. I'm going to go get to work on "fixing" myself. Thank God for his unconditional grace, cause Lord knows I need it!!


Hope you all have a great weekend, and I'd LOVE to hear how you guys feel about what I said. And just so you know, I'm not typically one of those planner kind of bloggers. I really was just figuring this whole thing out as I typed... I'm working on being as genuine as possible (it's part of my pregnancy clinic training), and I feel this might be the best way to keep myself real (it's awfully safe here, behind this computer).



Anywho, take care and I'll catch you on the flipside!






Toodles! :-)

Don't Make Fun... Promise?!

I have to admit something.  Well, I don't have to, but I'm going to.  

I'm a geek.  

This is not secret.  But some of you will read this and be like "Ooohhhkay freak!"  So I figured I should at least forewarn you.

I've shared before my love of music.  Not many, if any, of you really understand how much of a passion it is for me.  Well, Melody probably does, but I have yet to discover anyone else who comes even remotely close.  Passion... Obsession... call it what you will, but it's part of me.  It's ingrained into every fiber of my being and I'm not at ALL embarrassed by it.  

However, there are times when it can embarrass me just a bit.  I haven't decided if this is one of those times, or not, but who cares - it's my blog and I'll share if I want to! ha ha ha

You know those videos where... well... I don't know how to explain it, so I'll give some examples.  Have you seen the video of Oprah's 24th Season kick-off party, where everyone in the crowd randomly start doing this choreographed dance together and totally shock Oprah?:  

Or what about this one, where these people start dancing to that song from The Sound of Music in the middle of a Belgian train station:

Amazing, right?!  

Well here's my secret (are you ready for this?!):  I cry... 

Every. Time. I. Watch.

Why?  Well, I don't really know, but there's just this immense beauty in it all.  Maybe it's something about everyone, all these different people, coming together to be a part of something SO much bigger then just themselves.  

...or maybe I'm just a huge nerd.

All of this is possible, and more than likely it's going to be that last one to those of you reading this.  But I don't care.

McStudly kind've chuckles at me if he manages to see my reaction (though normally I'm pretty good at hiding it from him or those around me... I think?!).  I just - I really can't explain it to you.  But it's SO just... amazing.  There aren't words, to me.

Seriously - who else in the world do you know that's cried to "I've Got A Feelin" by the Black Eyed Peas?  Or the freaking sound of music, for that matter?!

Exactly.  I'm nuts.

In all fairness, I did warn you, right?!

Okay - so I've admitted it.  It's now out in the open.  I am publicly a huge nerd (though for some of you it wasn't exactly a secret to begin with, was it?!)

In my mind, I can kind've tie it all in with the same reason people cry during the National Anthem, or at a Military function, or maybe even stretched as far as to say during a children's musical.  There's just something so spectacular about the whole thing... all of those things I just mentioned effect different people.  And among the different people, there are different reactions.  

But it really all boils down to the same thing, doesn't it?  

So there you have it.  Another embarrassing secret of mine out in the open.  Have I lost you as a reader, now?!  Hopefully not.  But I wanted to take a little time to share a bit more of myself with you, and on a smidge deeper of a level than normal.

Hey - if you can't hide behind your computer, where can you?!

**UPDATE:

Just for your enjoyment, here are a few more videos that make me cry, ridiculously:

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Stay tuned for an update, sometime later this week (I hope!), on how McStudly's 2nd Colonoscopy and 1st Endoscopy went today (at the Military hospital, this time).  And let me tell you - he took different "knock-me-out" drugs this time and  is ABSOLUTELY hilarious!!!  I wish I could sneak a video or picture or something, but I KNOW he'd kill me.  *sigh*  Ah well - don't miss it!!

Aww Shucks!

Young Mom/Wife over at I Took The One Less Traveled By... gave me an award! How awesome is that?! Her blog is totally real and she's definitely one of the most Honest blogs I read, for sure!

So now I'm supposed to tell you all 10 things that you may or may not know are true. I'm not all that exciting, but I'll do my best and hopefully I won't disappoint! ha ha. But let's remember, folks - what happens at the Deep End of the Puhl STAYS at the Deep End of the Puhl! (wow... did that sound kinda dirty to anyone else?! Or was it just me and my totally inappropriate mind? Yeah, more than likely)

...movingrightalong...

Here goes nothing!

1 - I'm somewhat OCD. I won't go into too much detail because I think I'll scare most of you away, but it's with numbers and counting, along with symmetry. Weird, right?! For someone who doesn't even remember to spellcheck her blog, most of the time, to actually be OCD about something? Yeah yeah yeah...

2 - I feel like my house is clean when surfaces are not cluttered and laundry is done and put away. Needless to say, I don't often feel like my house is clean.

3 - I grew up a PK (Pastors Kid). Yes, I know there is a stigma about how bad they can be and that always drove me nuts!! I used to get so mad when people from church would say things like "You should know better - your father is a Pastor!" Jeesh - I was just a kid!

4 - I have a disease called FIM. Some of you may have heard of it... the FIM stands for Foot In Mouth". The problem? It carries over into my blogging, as well. If I offend you, I apologize... it's the disease talking. They don't make medication for it, and from what I hear, there's no cure. Looks like it's going to be a loooong life. (disclaimer: it's not a real disease, it just means I don't think before I speak... or type)

5 - I'm a Mil-Wife. GO AIR FORCE!! I'm super proud of my Airman McStudly (wouldn't that be fun if seen on a uniform?!) and love him to pieces.

6 - I'm a Bible-believing Christian and DANG proud of it. But some people don't appreciate the fact that I love people - not just other Christians. What do I say to that? Get over it. That's the way we're SUPPOSED to be. Hmmph!

7 - I'm a registered Republican, BUT I don't just vote for whatever red runs for the seat. I look at issues... and not just one or two of them... but all issues that I can wrap my head around. So don't hate me for being on the other side, if I am, or love me for sitting next to you, because I'm a bigger fan of bi-partisan legislation. I don't give a rats behind who's supporting it if I don't agree with it in the first place!

8 - I have this AWFUL habit of picking at the skin around my fingers. I think it's a sickness. It's totally gross and unbelievable painful, sometimes, but I do it sub-consciously... when I'm watching an intense movie, in an argument with someone I care about, or just dazing off into the abyss. *blushes* I'm so ashamed.

9 - I sing. Period. I love it. I can be found singing regularly at church, daily in my car, and occasionally in the shower. I have this insanely (yet probably somewhat unrealistic) huge dream of becoming a songwriter/worship leader at some point in my life and I absolutely get giddy when I have the chance to harmonize with someone else who loves to sing (and is good at it...). But for now, I just adore music and try to learn to play the guitar so I'm not just singing a Capella all the time.

10 - My family is from the south (yeehaw!), but I want to see the WORLD!! I believe this place is way to huge to stay in one spot your whole life. Unfortunately, my wallet is in a bit of a disagreement with me on this one. We're mid-peace talks at this point, but there's no telling when we'll come to some form of an agreement.

AND a bonus for all of you: because... well... we are being honest here, aren't we?

BONUS: I've taken pole-dancing classes! AAHHH!!! There. I said it. Don't judge me! I did it just before and right after I got married and to be perfectly honest, my husband still hasn't really seen anything that I learned in that class. It was NOOOT easy! We have these places out neat where I live called "Xpose Fitness" where you go in for exercise and walk out feeling like a worn-out stripper, but it's SO much fun. No. You don't feel sexy while you're doing it (well, it seems like some people do, but trust me - they have NO business thinking that because they look a MESS spinning around that pole). You feel like a total idiot, but I sware to you - You will never have more fun at a workout class with your girlfriends than you will at one of these. It's the most hilarious workout, yet full and intense workout, that you'll ever take part in. I highly recommend it, but don't go alone. It's not fun alone...

Okay - now here's who I'm picking! (If you've already gotten it, just feel free to link your to my blog and you don't have to do it again... I'm all about the shortcuts here, people!) In alphabetical order:

D.A.R. at Just Another Day In Paradise

Lindsay at and We'll Just Laugh Along The Way

Lindsey at Learning To Be A Wife

Malia at MKell.Fotographie

Mrs. Stethoscope at It Might Seem Crazy But We Call It Life

There you have it! Can't wait to see what kind of fun stuff I learn about you all...

Habits

There's been a lot of stuff going on around me, lately. And this time, I'm talking of things OTHER than my home, etc. I mean... within good friends, within family ... it's been quite a few months.

I've learned a few things that I'd like to share with you. Some of it has been told to me and some of it has been realized. It's in no particular order, but all of it is important and relevant.


You can't see the shadow of your own light, for it hides behind the very obstacles you cannot see around. For some of us, these obstacles are obvious... for some of us, they aren't. They can be our pride. They can be our material items. They can be our attitudes and stubbornness. And they can even be our decisions or mistakes. But we all have a tendency to believe we have the best view there is. And from where you're standing, that may be true. The important thing to remember is there's someone else with a view that you don't have - and they may see that dead end around the corner that you can't see from where you are.

Instinct is to think you're fine. You can see perfectly well, from here, and what do they know? Well, often times they know more than you think. You think that your perspective is better because you're been driving down this road of life longer, or because you've been down that turn before. But things change. And the people you think you're "better" than often have some bits of information that you don't have.

1 Timothy 4:12 says "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." Often times, we don't even acknowledge the latter of the verse, because we've already written people due to their age or inexperience... or for simply not being "you".


We often judge others by their words or actions, while judging ourselves by our own intentions. Be honest. You totally do it. We ALL do. Because we know our intentions in certain situations where we can't possibly know someone else's. It's just easier to judge by their actions, isn't it? But that doesn't make it right. It's a really hard habit to break - I'm still catching myself on this one. But it's very important to remember.

Luke 6:41-42 says "41"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

It's so easy to judge others more harshly than ourselves - this person has an entire PLANK in his eye while he's worried about the little bitty speck in someone else's. Now that's messed up. But it's reality. Again - we all do it. It's just easier than having to pull out a mirror and deal with the pain of "de-planking" ourselves. Because it does hurt. It sucks. It's like throwing soap on a wound. You just avoid it, because no matter how much the wound itself hurts, you KNOW it'll hurt like 50x worse with the soap on it. Sure the soap will make it better and clean it out so it can heal, but it HURTS! Right?!

So we defend ourselves when people do it to us because "I was just trying to help" or "I didn't want it to get worse". But when we're doing it to someone else, it doesn't matter. It's black and white. The gray area that existed when we were the ones being pointed at no longer exists. It doesn't matter because they are wrong, end of story.



Ultimately, I guess I'm learning more and more about how easy it is to look down on people or judge people. But when we do that, we're putting ourselves above them. And then we have a false sense of humility to say that we're just "trying to help".

If you have a place of trust in someone's life, then you can speak into them and encourage them to better themselves. But if you don't, sticking your foot on their head and just starting to yank away will just make them angry, and you'll lose your chance to speak into them at all.



I encourage you guys to, within the coming weeks, evaluate yourself and see where you are. I know I'm gonna have to put a pillow on my rear with all the self-kicking I've done while writing this post, so you're not alone. And it's nobody's business but your own. That's the thing about self-evaluation... it's a private thing. Nobody needs to know your junk, but you will find that there are times when sharing your own junk may help someone with theirs.




Well, I know I'm guilty of it, so I need to go make some changes. If I'm the only one and this all seemed like rambling to you guys, well I apologize. But I think it helps me sometimes to put things in writing, before I see what it all means. Am I the only one that's like that??

Comfort Stalls

I was just thinking about something and it made me laugh. We are SUCH creatures of habit, aren't we? And though there are probably hundreds of thousands of examples of this fact, I just reminded myself of one as I went to the bathroom here at work.

Is it just me, or don't we all have a "usual" bathroom stall that we use? You KNOW that you do it, too. I mean sure, we can use any of the stalls that are available, barring them being completely nasty and un-flushed, that is. But we still tend to gravitate towards the same stall.

It's funny because anytime we walk into the bathroom and our one stall is occupied, it kind've stops us in our tracks for a brief second, doesn't it? We're on such autopilot that we practicaly walk into the bathroom without even looking up, but then are stopped at the sight of our stall's door closed in front of us.


Ha ha - it's just funny to me. Of course we shrug it off and move on to the cleanest stall closest to it, but just the fact that we always go the 3rd stall in (or whichever is your stall of choice) and then leave this "comfort stall" and proceed to the same particular sink everytime... it's just funny! Right?




Am I the only one with a comfort stall??

Serious Pill, 20mg

As many of you know, I'm QUITE fond of music. Okay, that's like the understatement of the century, but you get it, so we'll just move on from there.

I recently bought the new Kari Jobe CD on iTunes and am currently LOVING it. I want to meet her. No seriously, I want to meet her, and have coffee (or something) with her and just get to talk to her. In some ways, she's teaching me SO much, but I've never met her. Wow - I sound like a weird stalker, right now. Let me essplain...

We all learn in our own ways. For me, music is a GREAT source of wisdom and inspiration. Maybe because I'm WAY into music and that's kind've my "thing" but whatever... it just is. And as someone who's sang practically her whole life, and even now getting more involved in music, I am still learning SO much.

I've been blogging about my song-writing attempts more and more, lately, so I'm letting you in on a little bit of me - why not a little more, eh?

I have this screwed up cookie-cutter vision of what worship music is supposed to be. I hear songs that aren't quite there, and I kind've write them off. Or I think to myself "maybe if they'd done this, then it would've been more..." whatever... I don't know. But I don't do it a WHOLE lot to other people's music. When it comes to mine, though, I am WAY WAY WAY critical and over-analytical and just - YIKES about it.

And with that I must add - I'm an idiot.

Worship isn't a "style" of music. It's not a certain song. And it doesn't have to be "done" in a certain setting or building. (I could go off on a tangent about how worship is life and our lives are supposed to just be worship, right now, but that's not the point of this blog, so I'll get back to the point I'm tyring to make.)

I've been anxiously awaiting the release of Kari Jobe's new CD since I found out, late last year, that there would even be one. She's got SUCH an anointed voice, and she's just an amazing songwriter, among other things. In a lot of ways, I look up to her, though, again, I've never even met her.

When I finally bought her CD on iTunes, this week, I immediately set my iPod to play her whole CD over and over in the car. So anytime I'm in there, that's what I'm listening to. At first, as much as I loved the CD and her voice, I kept thinking "Man, this isn't quite and 'worshipful' as I thought it was going to be..." It's more like this solo-album meets worship album, kind of thing. Then I kept listening. A LOT of the songs (not including the ones that have already been out a while, like "Revelation Song", "No Sweeter Name", and "Healer") are amazing and a number of them would we great to do as worship songs at church. Then the more familiar I got with the CD, and the more I got to the point where I could sing along, the more I'm lost in this CD!

I'm being stretched, and I'm not even the one singing. It's a CD that I'm listening to, and I'm learning (wow - I sound like SUCH a whack-nut, right now!) so much. The biggest thing I've learned, this far, happened when I started listening to her version of "Healer."

If any of you have heard the song before, it's SUCH an amazing song! But there's actually a LOT of stuff that goes with it. Some of you may have heard about all of the "drama" surrounding the song, but in a nutshell: this song was written by someone who was belly-up in sin, at the time. Now, I'm not hear to carry along the string of gossip - that's what google's for - but I bring that up to make a point. Even when something is born out of the worst of circumstances, God can turn it around for SO much good! So many people and churches and families have been touched by this song, even through the mistakes of a single man. That is SO powerful, in itself, but there's even more...

When I first heard her version, I just thought it was so cool to hear a chick singing it. There are lots of versions out there, right now, but I have had YET to hear a girl sing it. It was refreshing. It was really cool. And it was SUCH a slap in the face!

Remember how I said that I have this cookie-cutter vision of what worship music is supposed to be? Yeah. Well one of the pieces of that, for me, is how once a song is done - that's it. That's how it's supposed to be done. It's supposed to sound like that when you do it, too. (I told you I'm kind've screwed up, didn't I?) Kari Jobe is know for her pure-sounding and amazing voice, but this song was originally sung by someone who's voice is more... well... booming? Manly? I dunno... I'm not a thesaurus here, people. All I know is it was WAY different when I heard her singing it. But then I listened to it again, and it caught me off guard.

I think when we hear a song a time or two, we learn the words... and we just sing along. It's such a powerful song and it's got SUCH a great melody. Not to mention that the dynamic of the song, along, can bring almost anyone to their knees. But that fades the more we hear it. It becomes another song that we know and can add to our book-o-song-knowledge. So when we sing it, we don't mean it anymore. "Oh, this song is about Healing. Healing is a great concept, but I don't have cancer or anything like that. Sure, I believe that my God can heal, but I just really like this song!"

If this blog were a TV show, I wouldn't have to tell you that this was just a dramatization. I'm sure not a single one of you has ever had that view on any song. No. We've all got it together all of the time and none of us ever makes that mistake. I must be the only one.

*blank stare*

I hope you're picking up the INTENSE sarcasm that I'm putting down, becuase we've ALL done it. And do it regularly without even realizing it.


Hearing Kari Jobe's version caused me to stop and listen tot he words again. This song isn't just about physical healing. It's SO about WAY more than that. The title might be Healer, but look at the rest of the words. If you take out the word Heal (**) or Healer (><) and read the rest of the song... it's about SO much more than that.


Check it:

"You hold my every moment.
You calm my raging seas.
You walk with me through fire.
You ** all my disease.

I trust in you.
I trust in you.

I believe You're my ><.
I believe You are all I need.
I believe You're my portion.
I believe You're more than enough for me.
Jesus you're all I need.

Nothing is impossible for You.
Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible for You.
For You hold My world in Your hands."


If I could verbally speak these words to you and emphasize the point I'm trying to drive home, it would be MUCH easier. But there is quite a limit to what you can relay in a blog. But don't worry - I'm still going to try. I'd never let you off that easily.

Do you really think, during the firestorms in your life, that he's walking with you? Do you really rest in that peace? Let me be honest, and hopefully you will to. I don't. I say I know he's there, but all I can feel are the flames. I know what we're "supposed" to feel, but that's not what I really feel. And when I don't have a clue what the next step is that I'm supposed to take - sure, I'll tell myself that "God ordains my every step" but I don't really feel it. As much as I pray "God give me direction", I've still got my foot out check all of the rocks around me to feel which one is the sturdiest. I'm not giving it to him like I say I am - I just know that I'm supposed to.

When it looks like I'm going to drown in my own sorrow or my own sing or my own doubt, it's easy to scream out "God help me!" but do I believe that he will? Or do I keep crying out in fear and helplessness and preparing myself for the lack of air?

Do I really trust in him? Do I trust in him enough to say it twice? Back to back, like in the song? I mean - when you believe something, and you are firm enough to say it twice... you don't hesitate. And it sounds really pretty in this song, but would I say it over and over again out loud to myself? Or to someone that's on the verge of death? Or to someone that's neck up in something out of their control that's still pulling them down?

This isn't that fun little trust game you played in youth camp where you crossed our arms over your chest, closed your eyes and fell backwards. This is life. This is God.

Do I really believe that God is all I need? Or do I still worry about what kind of car I'm driving or what kind of shoes I'm wearing? Do I believe the HE is my portion? That that I don't need any little side-helpings of something else to go along with it? Do I believe that He is MORE than enough for me? That he's overly supplying for me and I'm overflowing with him? Do I really believe that?

The biggest part, to me, is the Bridge. I was caught off guard in this song because I worry SO MUCH about everything. I look at what I feel God is calling me to do, and then I keep thinking "Well, I don't have any training in that. I have no degree. Where do I even begin? What do I even do to start heading in that direction? Which way IS that direction?" Or even worse, yet "I'm not quite as good as that person. They have more talent and more knowledge that I do. I cold never qualify to do something like this."


NOTHING is impossible for You.
NOTHING is impossible.
NOTHING is impossible for You.
You hold my WORLD in Your hands!


What is wrong with me? Why can I say it. And try over and over again to convince myself that I believe it, but then that split second that my faith in this is put to the test, I'm nervous and worried and second guessing EVERYthing. How jacked up is that?

And it doesn't matter that other people are affirming some of this stuff. All of my LIFE they've been affirming this stuff. Even outside of where I've seeked it out. Even when my mind is no where NEAR this topic. I've had people take something that I mean for something else and turn it around to affirm me, because God KNOWS that I need it. He's done everything to lead me up to this point in my life. And I STILL question whether or not He holds my every moment. Whether or not HE calms my raging seas and walks with me through fire. And even though it is this huge slap in His amazing face, He stops to reassure me ONE more time.


Some of you are in "Whoa" mode, as in "Whoa, it is NOT that serious, Sarah." But it is. How could it not be that serious? I say the right things and say that I believe it's all Him, but then I trip myself over my lack of confidence and a need for petty "qualifications".


God called Moses, a man with a friggin' speech impediment, to go before Pharoah and ORDER him... with his voice... the voice that wasn't perfect... the voice that people probably made fun of... the voice that wasn't perfect!! ... and HE was the one that ordered the ruler of that nation to follow God's command and set the Isrealites free. He used a man with the opposite of qualifications to do this. God used a man's biggest source of anxiety and humiliation to do his will. So then why do I still question things and worry so much and make so many STUPID EXCUSES?!?!



It's time to be real, people. Say nothing, if you can't admit to being just as guilty at one time or another. OR you can be vulnerable and talk about where you're screwing up JUST as much.

Or - if that's to big of a pill for you to swallow, tell me how the song "Healer" has impacted you.








**Haven't heard the song, yet? Go check it out. The original is by PlanetShakers, and Kari Jobe's version is also amazing.**

Riddle Me This:

Honesty... the Best Policy?

I did something last night. It wasn't good.

In fact, it was something that I SWORE I would never do. But McStudly was at work and after bringing Austin home from the dog park and eating dinner by myself in front of the television, I found myself feeling awfully lonely.

That's when it happened.

I had been watching various TV shows we had recorded throughout the week, and also trying to track down the name of a song from the season finale of Army Wives this past week when the temptation struck.

I tried to brush it off, but it jsut kept kitting me over and over and over and over again, like some kind of mental version of Chinese water torture.


...and I gave in.


I turned off all the lights and went upstairs.


I could still turn back, now. It wasn't too late.



I went into the bathroom and locked the door on the hallway side (it leads into my bedroom). Then I went into my room and locked the bedroom door.

It still wasn't too late. Nothing was final.



I picked the two pillow shams up and laid them on the floor next to the bed. Then... I turned off the lights and climbed into bed.


It was at that moment, I realized that I had gone against everything within me that had been screaming for me to stop what I was doing and turn back. It had been done.



As I lay down and began to get comfortable, I reached my arm over the edge of the bed and hit the side of the mattress three times.

"Austin... Austin, come lay down, baby. It's time to go night-night."



Yes. I am ashamed to say that last night, I let the dog sleep in our bedroom with me, instead of in his crate in the other room. (What?! What did you think I was going to say??)


What kind of woman have I become? I SWORE that I would never do that. In fact, McStudly and I have had a few "intense moments of fellowship" over that very subject. But alas, I had given in to my loneliness, and thus - given in the little devil on my right shoulder.





Oddly enough, it went swimmingly!! He laid down on top of the pillow shams, after about 8 little circles (why do they do that??) and didn't get up. That's right - he slept through the night!! Right there. Not whining. No destructive mid-night searches for something to chew. No trying to jump onto the bed. Nothing. It was AMAZING!!!

I actually slept pretty well, for as light of a sleeper as I am, and with having a dog in the room. Granted, it still wasn't a great night's sleep (I'm still desparately awaiting that one), but it wasn't terrible, either. This morning, he woke up at one point, stood up, and looked the room. Then he just went and sat at the end of the bed. Real quiet. Real polite. He was real "good dog" material, this pup. That CERTAINLY couldn't be my dog! Could it?! Apparently, it could.


Then McStudly got home (he's working nights right now. He gets of at around 0530, and home at or around about 0600). Austin heard something and walked like a stalking Lion over to the bedroom door. He stood quietly... patiently... then he became a man-dog.


That's right. My little pup turned into my big guard-dog. He started lightly growling. Just a little... not too much. More like a warning growl.

He stopped.

He listened.


Then he growled again... a little bit louder this time. Showing that he wasn't backing down.

He stopped.

He listened.


Then he growled - much louder this time - as if to say "this is your last chance".

He stopped.

He listened. I listened.



I thought McStudly was on his way up the stairs, by now, so I got up out of bed and opened the bedroom door (since I lock it at night, he can't get in unless I get up and open it).


Austin TOOK OFF running down the stairs (apparently, by estimation of McStudly's locations was WAY off... he was jsut coming out of the bathroom downstairs). I stuck my head over the railing to try and see what happened.


As soon as he saw McStudly his ENTIRE body language changed. His eyes got all big and he started wagging his tail like he was a small propeler jet preparing for take-off. It was too cute.



So I went back to bed.


Too much cuteness for 6 o'clock in the morning.




SO yeah. Austin surprised me with how well behaved he through the night. And then McStudly took him for a walk this morning, and when I was getting ready to leave, I checked in on my the man-dog that had overtaken my little puppy, and he was loving his life, back in his crate for the day.





Will I do it again? I'm not so sure. It's hard to top such a perfect night with Austin. But I won't rule it out. After all, I kind've liked the company. :-)

My Husband Rocks Friday!

It's that time again...
My Husband Rocks becuase he is honest - and sometimes to a fault. But it's a GOOD fault, right?!

I love you, baby, and thank you for being honest, even when it's not easy and may bring about unpleasant outcomes.





Your turn - why does your husband rock? (PS - if you're not married, you may state why your significant other rocks, if you wanna!!)