Provision

It's been a great year... and I've been blog-M.I.A. for most of it (yeah. Sorry about that!), but it's been great, nonetheless.

With so much that's happened this year, I can't help but see God's hand and provision in our lives. Even through that crazy chaotic man-made house flood of ours, we received new carpet throughout the house, tiling in the bathroom (which we would've had to pay for ourselves), fresh new paint in various rooms... we couldn't have PLANNED that!

When McStudly was diagnosed with Crohns' disease, even after several hospital stays and medical appointments... countless pills and medicine trials... we hardly payed a dime for any of it (I actually don't think that we payed anything for any of it). We had amazing medical coverage through the military, fabulous doctors and facilities in our local area, understanding bosses and co-workers that covered for us, supportive family that checked in on us, and fabulous friends that helped make sure we felt loved and were taken care of. We couldn't have ASKED for anything better!

Even in our finances I can see him working. When bills came in higher than planned for (like when the electric company WAY overestimated our charges: think 8 months worth of bill credits) and life just... happened - cracked windshields, a sick dog, and home makeover mishaps (plenty of those in this house) - we were covered.

Just this month, Austin had quite a few dollars spent on vet bills... and by quite a few I mean the total is now over $1.2k on something as simple as ringworm (PS: much more serious on dogs, than humans, fyi). Somehow we were able to pay for (not charge) his vet bills the first time around... don't ask me how! But I thought for sure that there would be no way we could do it again. And I was right - we could not. But with God, all things are possible - and we are able to do it again. The vet said he needs one more round of meds to be sure it doesn't come back, and "somehow" we have the extra money to pay for that and his boarding expenses. I noticed last week, after doing some quick budget math (am I the only one that keeps a spreadsheet for each month that details how much goes to which bills for each paycheck, how much into savings, how much for spending, etc? Okay... call me precise and just shy of obsessive, but it works.) that we had about an extra $1k in savings that I couldn't really account for. Every bill is payed and already pulled up to date. There are no pending checks, and no pending withdrawals. We had planned to use the extra money to pay off our credit card, but when Austin needed vet visits, I knew it would be going towards that instead. But here's the cool part: we somehow didn't spend much (hardly any) of our allotted spending money over vacation... That's about $150 that we didn't use. And $269 just came in the mail as a reimbursement from our first round of vet bills (have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE having pet insurance? Cause I do.) which I had totally forgotten about.

That's a total of: $419.00 that I had no way of accounting for beforehand. It was like surprise money... bonus cash.

So when I went to pick up Austin this morning from the vet's office, where he was boarding and had been re-checked by the vet, guess how much I had to pay?!


*drumroll please*


That would be a total of $406.68!



Isn't that amazing?! Not only are the vet bills covered out of pocket without even remotely affecting our regular monthly budget and bills, but we can also afford to pay off our credit card, now, with the extra money I "found" in savings.

Because we have been faithful to him in our finances and tithing, God has blessed us more than we could even IMAGINE through our finances.




As 2009 comes to a close, this evening, I look back and can see how God has blessed us way beyond what we could ever have planned, asked or imagined.




With this kind of provision from a truly wonderful, loving God that cares enough about me to even notice and cover the "little" things in life, I can't help but feel a peaceful confidence over whatever will be thrown our way in 2010.

May God continue to bless and care for you and yours, and may you be able to someday look back and see his hand in everything.





Happy New Year!

BRB?!

Well, I just posted about excuses and being a blog slacker, and I'm still at it, aren't I? Well, a co-worker has been out for a bit, due to family emergencies (which I may share about later, once I talk to her, it's so sad) and on top of covering for her, I've been really into sewing and being crafty.

I have a few things to show you that I'm super proud of... can't wait to see what you think!!


Other than that, just got news that the military wants to do some more tests/procedures on McStudly. Well, I should say they want to period, because they weren't the ones who did it last time, and if you know anything about the military, it's not done right unless they are the ones who did it. (Can I get an Amen form my fellow MilWives?!)


Anywho - over the next 10 days or so I may still be a bit of a slacker. Tonight I'm "babysitting" a friend's little boy, so I may phone in a pic or two, depending on his mood, but otherwise I may not have a lot to blog about...

I have SO many topics and ideas and things I want to blog about, but haven't had the chance to sit down and do it. So we'll see what happens.



So sorry, guys, and hopefully I'm not lowing friends because of my slackiness! :-( I am still reading all of your blogs (which is maybe why I don't have time to write my own?) and trying to comment, but after doing that I don't find much time to write between everything else that's going on.

Anywho - I gotta run (what else is new?!), but I will try to catch up with you guys as soon as I get the chance. Toodles!






**PS: If you get the chance, and wouldn't mind, please send up a prayer for my Grampa. My Momma Bear's Dad is getting pretty old and now in a nursing home. The three girls (mom and her two sisters) are doing what they can, but only 1 of them lives anywhere near where he is. There is more health stuff going on, and in his own words, he says he's just "ready to go see mother", which is what he called their mom, who passed several years back. God love him, he's such a sweet hearted man, but I know this is really tough for all of them. Keep them in your prayers, will you? Thanks, guys. Take care!

Excuses. Excuses.

You know how they say that "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"? Well, don't go chucking rocks at us, or anything, but I wanted to give you all an inside look into what's been going on in our lives over the last month or so, mainly while I was being a major blog slacker.


Don't kill me - I've got a good excuse this time, I promise!


So McStudly's Crohns had been flaring up again not too long ago... or still... we can't really keep track, but he was finally on some medicine that seemed to be helping. And actually, the Doctor is phasing him off of it, now, so we're doing well. HOORAY!! Prayers that this will continue would be GREATly appreciated. ;-)

As most of you know, we found out a few months ago that he would be deploying in October for 6 months. Because of that, a lot of the "out processing" was taking place, which, for McStudly, also included a lot of Doctor's visits (not so much out of the norm, but for him they were a bit different). For anyone with military insurance, you know that it's not exactly like you're best friends with your doctor, or anything. Well, if you are, your military spouse is not. They're considered lucky to even see a real doctor.

Well, it finally came time for the vaccinations, which is all fine and well, accept - that medicine that he's been taking? Yeah. It's an immuno-supressant, which basically means just that: it suppresses his immune system. The whole reason you get vaccines at all is to build up your immune system to be able to fight off the sickness you could be exposed to, right? But if you're on immuno-supressants, this isn't really a smart thing to do. I mean - your body isn't able to build up that immunity, so you'll more than likely just get whatever it is that shot (or series of scratches) was for. AND that's not so much what we're going for, is it?!

So, McStudy had to get a "deferment" for the smallpox vaccine. That's the one where they make like an obscene number of scratches in one spot on your shoulder with a "live" portion of the virus. ??? Comforting, no? AND just to help you sleep real well at night for those of you unaware, they have to keep it bandaged 24/7 until the scab falls off, or something like that. AND if somehow I ended up being pregnant, I, apparently, can't even sleep in the same bed as him or possibly the same room... and I cannot, whatsoever, come into contact with said scabby-goodness.

Awesome.


Well... needless to say, he was granted a deferment by the not-too-bright doctor. Then 15 minutes later, he had to meet with her again about the remaining vaccines.

To a normal (and I use that term relatively loosely, these days) person, you would assume he'd walk into her office... again... and she's sign a deferment for these as well. But apparently, homegirl's memory didn't serve her past the previous 10 minutes. Yep - For real. So he had to go over everything with her A-gain.

*sigh

And she, half an hour later, signed another deferment.


Then a few days later, he gets notified that he'll have to be taken before the AF Medical Evaluation Board and have his health reviewed for possible medical discharge.


Awesome. Again.


We were informed (HA! Yeah right - I mean we researched the crap out of this) that this is standard for anyone in the military that is diagnosed with Crohns' after enlistment. It's mandatory, and they were slacking up until this point. We were informed that it could take up to a year for this MedEvalBoard to happen because they were backlogged, he was like 16th on the list, and each case takes several weeks+ to process.


Upon further research, I came to the conclusion that it wouldn't make sense for them to discharge him. Not that anyone gives a flying rat's hoot (whatever that is) of my opinion, but nevertheless, it doesn't seem to make sense. He hasn't missed a single day of work. When medicated, he has everything managed. And he hasn't really been outside of a flare-up, yet, to see how he can handle things then. And seeing as how medical discharge is based on your office, ability to carry-out duties as assigned, ability to perform necessary PT (PS: he scored an 84 on the last test - mid flare-up - which is 1 single point under getting out of all organized PT session requirements... I'mjustsayin'), and the amount of work missed. They talk to our flight chief, your commander, co-workers, blah blah blah, and I don't even think most of them know he's got Crohns' disease, much less that it effects his work.


So... like was saying before, I can't imagine them having reason enough to medically discharge him, but we shall see what happens.


In the mean time, and the reason I'm writing, he has been labelled "ineligible" to deploy. They did not push his deployment back. They did not reschedule his deployment. They did not pass go. No $200 collected (that's for sure!). He's just currently not allowed to go. End. Of. Discussion.

I gotta be honest - I didn't exactly weep in a fetal position over in the corner when I found out that little tid-bit of awesomey goodness. Who would?!


But I do know that McStudly hopes, upon evaluation, that he'll be allowed to deploy in the future. He really wants to do it. He feels like it's part of what he does and that he's not being fair to all of the other guys that have to go if he doesn't. And he thinks it'd be a wicked cool experience to boot.

...not the leaving me for 6 months part... the playing G.I. Joe in the desert part. With a big gun. and a Helmet, of course (I insisted). It's like any boys dream... ish.

And while we're still just... us and no kids (minus our furry one, of course, who'll protect me while he's gone), I think I'm okay with that. It won't be easy, but I'll manage. And I'll get to have that homecoming experience that most can't even imagine.



But for now, he'll be home. With me. And I couldn't be happier. I'm so grateful that I have a little more time to prepare myself for a deployment, because I just realized that it's September 1st, and there's no WAY I'd be ready to say goodbye to him in October.





Then again... are you ever "ready"? I can't imagine so.

So Strong

She really is an inspiration. She's so much deeper than I ever was, but I remember how hard it was to turn around and go back to where things went wrong.

To U-turn.

To return the last moment when you remember things were right and start again.


It's a painful re-journey. You feel like you're so far behind everyone else. And you feel like all of those people are looking back with their judgement-filled eyes and thinking "what was she thinking when she went that way? We told her it was wrong... she should've listened." So not only do you need the strength to go back and start over, but you also now carry the weight of their judgemental glances.

And now you question yourself - is this even the right decision for me? Or am I just making it because they keep telling me that it's the right one? Who am I doing this for? Am I just exchanging his power over me for theirs?


But you're stronger than you think. At some point you'll realize that you're doing what's best for you, and only you can know what that is. It seems to align with what they want for you, for now, but I promise you that eventually you will see the differences between the two paths.

Even our parents think they know what is right for us, but we'll all get to the point where only we can truly know what that is. But I do believe we'll only find that if our heart is so grounded in God that only those as equally grounded can see the "right" in what we do.


What you decide now will forever leave an impression on your life. But it won't be the kind of scar that throbs at times when things are tough again. It'll more resemble a beauty mark - the kind of mark that is permanent, but not regretted or resented.


You'll get there someday. And when you do, we'll look at each other and laugh at how far you've come. We'll talk about all of the phone calls where we cried together... or where you cried and I pretended not to, so that one of us could seem strong. We'll laugh at how hard the decisions seemed at the time, but how much stronger they made you.

Then we'll look at where you are and smile. It was all worth it.


It will all be worth it in the end. All of the pain you're feeling right now. All of the hands of people who think they're helping that you're having to fight off. Everything that is fighting within you... The tears. The lack of sleep. The hair loss. The weight loss. The seemingly constant nausea caused by it all... It'll all be worth it when you reach the other side. And together, we'll be grateful that you're here.


I'm proud of you. You've already come so far from where you were, and this time - it was all on your own. I'm so proud of you. Keep it up, friend. I miss you... the "you-ness" that really is you.
And I can't wait to see your "ness" again.



See "you" soon, goober!!

One Full Year

Okay - so Monday was McStudly and I's first anniversary. Can you believe it? An entire year!!





The day started off a little rocky. We slept in, and woke up to... nothing. The power was out. Yep - Happy Anniversary! Right?! It was out until about 3 or so. Nice.







Well, I got up and going while Mcstudly slept a little longer. I took Austin over to my parents' house (they were watching him so we could have a hott date that night *wink wink*), and then headed over to my Anniversary present.



Sunday night, McStudly gave me a little card with all the deets. It said "11/10/08, at 1:30, with Jeanne". Yesss!!! He got me a full body massage. SOOO amazing. And highly recommended (I think he ruined it for himself, though, becuase now I'm hooked). It was FANtastic! After the massage, I relaxed in the "tranquility" room with NO clue what time it was (and I didn't even care, really) and then headed into the ladies area where I sat in the steam room for a while and then hopped in the shower. I was taking FULL advantage of the comps, that's for sure!



When I finaly emerged from Robert Andrews, I went over to pick up Kyle's anniversary present, but it wasn't in, yet. He knew what he was getting, at this point, so there was no rush.





So I went home and slowly started getting ready. Okay, so I watched a few tv shows, first, but then I totally did start getting ready early. I straightened my hair out and fluffed up the back of it, then I slipped into my hott little black dress, and threw a sweater on with it. I think it made me look like an old lady with the sweater, but McStudly still thought I was hott. (pictures to come)





We went to Fogo de Chao in Baltimore City. TOTALLY amazing!

I highly recommend it to everyone!! It does cost quite a bit of money, but you SO get what you pay for! My drink wouldn't be half empty before it was refilled. The food was simply mathcless, and the $10 valet made it all so perfect!! Really, people. You've GOT to check it out. So what if you drop $130 in a single meal. If it's your anniversary or any other special occasion it's DEFINITELY worth it!!

After dinner, we swung by my parents' house again and picked up our anniversary cake (I totally forgot about it earlier when I dropped off the pup) and then headed home. The cake was still frozen, so we found some other things to do to fill our time... tee hee hee

Anywho - once we ate the cake (it was delicious, by the way), the night was over. By this time it was about 3 a.m. and I was pooped so off to bed I went.

It was a great night, and having the next day off was just icing on the cake. Err - extra icing?!

Honesty... the Best Policy?

I did something last night. It wasn't good.

In fact, it was something that I SWORE I would never do. But McStudly was at work and after bringing Austin home from the dog park and eating dinner by myself in front of the television, I found myself feeling awfully lonely.

That's when it happened.

I had been watching various TV shows we had recorded throughout the week, and also trying to track down the name of a song from the season finale of Army Wives this past week when the temptation struck.

I tried to brush it off, but it jsut kept kitting me over and over and over and over again, like some kind of mental version of Chinese water torture.


...and I gave in.


I turned off all the lights and went upstairs.


I could still turn back, now. It wasn't too late.



I went into the bathroom and locked the door on the hallway side (it leads into my bedroom). Then I went into my room and locked the bedroom door.

It still wasn't too late. Nothing was final.



I picked the two pillow shams up and laid them on the floor next to the bed. Then... I turned off the lights and climbed into bed.


It was at that moment, I realized that I had gone against everything within me that had been screaming for me to stop what I was doing and turn back. It had been done.



As I lay down and began to get comfortable, I reached my arm over the edge of the bed and hit the side of the mattress three times.

"Austin... Austin, come lay down, baby. It's time to go night-night."



Yes. I am ashamed to say that last night, I let the dog sleep in our bedroom with me, instead of in his crate in the other room. (What?! What did you think I was going to say??)


What kind of woman have I become? I SWORE that I would never do that. In fact, McStudly and I have had a few "intense moments of fellowship" over that very subject. But alas, I had given in to my loneliness, and thus - given in the little devil on my right shoulder.





Oddly enough, it went swimmingly!! He laid down on top of the pillow shams, after about 8 little circles (why do they do that??) and didn't get up. That's right - he slept through the night!! Right there. Not whining. No destructive mid-night searches for something to chew. No trying to jump onto the bed. Nothing. It was AMAZING!!!

I actually slept pretty well, for as light of a sleeper as I am, and with having a dog in the room. Granted, it still wasn't a great night's sleep (I'm still desparately awaiting that one), but it wasn't terrible, either. This morning, he woke up at one point, stood up, and looked the room. Then he just went and sat at the end of the bed. Real quiet. Real polite. He was real "good dog" material, this pup. That CERTAINLY couldn't be my dog! Could it?! Apparently, it could.


Then McStudly got home (he's working nights right now. He gets of at around 0530, and home at or around about 0600). Austin heard something and walked like a stalking Lion over to the bedroom door. He stood quietly... patiently... then he became a man-dog.


That's right. My little pup turned into my big guard-dog. He started lightly growling. Just a little... not too much. More like a warning growl.

He stopped.

He listened.


Then he growled again... a little bit louder this time. Showing that he wasn't backing down.

He stopped.

He listened.


Then he growled - much louder this time - as if to say "this is your last chance".

He stopped.

He listened. I listened.



I thought McStudly was on his way up the stairs, by now, so I got up out of bed and opened the bedroom door (since I lock it at night, he can't get in unless I get up and open it).


Austin TOOK OFF running down the stairs (apparently, by estimation of McStudly's locations was WAY off... he was jsut coming out of the bathroom downstairs). I stuck my head over the railing to try and see what happened.


As soon as he saw McStudly his ENTIRE body language changed. His eyes got all big and he started wagging his tail like he was a small propeler jet preparing for take-off. It was too cute.



So I went back to bed.


Too much cuteness for 6 o'clock in the morning.




SO yeah. Austin surprised me with how well behaved he through the night. And then McStudly took him for a walk this morning, and when I was getting ready to leave, I checked in on my the man-dog that had overtaken my little puppy, and he was loving his life, back in his crate for the day.





Will I do it again? I'm not so sure. It's hard to top such a perfect night with Austin. But I won't rule it out. After all, I kind've liked the company. :-)