Decisions, Decisions

So I've recently been presented with a few decisions that need to be made, and it's forcing me to really evaluate where I am, right now.

For those of you who have read fairly regularly, you know the McStudly and I are really involved in our church. We love it! I really wish, most of the time, that I could get paid to do that instead of working at the full-time job I have (though I do actually enjoy that, as well). Ah well... one can dream, right?!

Anywho, I was recently approached about becoming more (or perhaps just a tad differently and a bit more frequently) involved in one of the areas that I thoroughly enjoy. And in actuality, it was literally a dream come true... as in - I had a dream about it a week or so ago. Crazy, right?! Yeah. I thought so, too. And when this person told me the other night that they had something they wanted to talk to me about, my thoughts went to this dream. Of course, being of the female persuasion and all, my thoughts then quickly went to "am I in trouble?" or "what did I do?!", but I was assured I was not in trouble at all... though I was still a bit anxious about it (who wouldn't be?!).

I said I'd talk to McStudly about it, since it involved more of a time commitment and I"m already pretty spread in several different directions (which actually caused them to almost not ask me at all, because they knew I was so busy. Nice, eh?).

So, basically, I've been thinking about it a lot. Like a LOT lot. I'm not one to believe in these kinds of coincidences as purely random, but more like purposeful. Does that make sense?! Between the dream, and thinking this was what it would be about... and then actually being right. I dunno - call me crazy!


But here's where I struggle. Remember I said I'm already pretty spread in several different directions? Yeah. As in here's what I do on any given week: Sunday morning: church (sometimes both services). Sunday evening: Underground (Young Adults). Monday: free (woohoo!). Tuesday: worship practice. Wednesday: church early for prep and then helping with Fusion (Youth service). Thursday: Pregnancy clinic training. Friday: free (hopefully date-night). Saturday: who knows... cleaning, laundry (yeah right, ha!), sleeping in!!!

I'm not insanely busy, I suppose, but keep in mind that Tuesday - Thursday activities are not including McStudly. He isn't involved int he worship team, or youth, or the pregnancy clinic. So we see each other before and after, but it's kind've like ships passing in the night. Also, there are monthly meetings involved (sometimes multiple) with all of these ministries, so they usually take up another night or two, here and there, so it's ends up being one packed month after another.


I say all of this to get to my point, I suppose. Making this change means that I need to make a sacrifice somewhere else. That's why this isn't a "Well, of course!" kind of a thing, right now.

Sidenote: On top of that, the McStud and I have been having a very... trying week (we all have them - you know where you just keep butting heads and/or missing each other and it's juts rough all around?! Yeah. That kind.), so that hasn't really helped, much.


I really want to do this, but I don't know how I feel about stepping down in the other areas I'm involved in. It's not easy. It's going to take a lot of thought and prayer, as well as discussion with the hubster before a decision is reached.

FYI: in case you're wondering, it's not like I'll be moving to Africa, or anything, so you may think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to (not that you know what it is, or anything), but to me, it's personally a hard decision.


I just feel torn, I guess is the best way to put it. I'm involved in all of these ministries because of various reasons, but mainly because I have a heart to be there. So it's not like I could just drop it like a bad habit and move on to something else, ya know?! It's hard to see something that seems so right just out of your reach, and you have to let go of something else to get to it... sometimes more than one "something else", like in my case - I feel like letting go of just one thing won't really change anything or make extra time or add less stress, but that it would take letting go of two things just for the 1.


Am I babbling? Or hopefully I'm at least making a little teenie bit of sense in here, somewhere?!


Maybe blogging about it is helping me to feel like I'm working things out. Pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case) can really help me sort out my thoughts, sometimes.


All I know is with all that went before this - the dream, kind've seeing it coming (does it sound bad to say that?! It feels like it sounds really snobby and braggadocios - Ooh... HUGE points for using that word in a blog on a Friday!!), and then actually hearing it. I don't know - call me crazy, but I feel like this is where God wants me. And on top of all that, I've already been trying to stretch myself in this area. I mean... McStudly and I have had many a conversation about it and my trying to better myself and step out of my comfort zone (that could be a whole other blog in itself!), and then this happens. So is it weird of me to think that all of this is playing a part in the bigger picture, somehow? I just can't shake the feeling.


And maybe that's why I feel so compelled to lean in this direction, while knowing that it'll take some sacrifice to get there.


Could that be the point? I trust God. I really do. But am I the only one that still questions things... even the things I really feel that he's leading me towards? What is WRONG with me?!?!


Why do we do this? We hold so tight onto the things that we know. The things that are familiar. the things we're comfortable with... even though we know that God has bigger and better plans for us to move on to.


It's like I know what I need to do, but I worry too much about actually doing it. Or I feel like I'll be letting someone down or putting someone else in a bad spot by stepping down and/or out of the other ministries.


*lightbulb moment*

Hang on a second... is that maybe a form of pride?! Do I somehow, without realizing it, hold myself so highly that I think the other people... the other ministries can't do without me? Ouch. Talk about a public realization of fault, man. I'm discovering, openly, on my blog that I'm dealing with pride in an area I had no idea was there. This blog post is getting heavier and heavier the more I type.

Sidenote: Am I the only one that is doing this? Is there any chance that maybe you guys are dealing with similar forms of pride? I mean... God can do the impossible. We sing it. We say it. We may shout it from time to time. But then there's that dang old box, again, and we think that he can't carry on a ministry without use. Ouch ouch OUCH! Please be honest... I feel like I may be the only one, right now, and that's not making me feel so good. :-(


Wow. I need to deal with that. Like yesterday! And I think that, maybe, I just made my decision. ??


Of course I'll be talking to McStudly about it more (we actually get to SEE each other tonight. Squeea!) and praying about it a little more, but can I ask you a HUGEmongous favor?? Can you all pray for me, too? For both the decision, and now, apparently, my subconscious issues with pride, too?



Gesh... why is humility so difficult that you don't even realize you are missing it, most of the time?! I'm missing the mark and somehow I feel like I'm still shooting straight. Ugh!!



Well, I've carried on long enough, and given you enough of a Serious Pill for this Friday. Hope it wasn't too big to swallow, and that you'll be honest enough with yourself (...and possibly the rest of us?!) to do it. I'm going to go get to work on "fixing" myself. Thank God for his unconditional grace, cause Lord knows I need it!!


Hope you all have a great weekend, and I'd LOVE to hear how you guys feel about what I said. And just so you know, I'm not typically one of those planner kind of bloggers. I really was just figuring this whole thing out as I typed... I'm working on being as genuine as possible (it's part of my pregnancy clinic training), and I feel this might be the best way to keep myself real (it's awfully safe here, behind this computer).



Anywho, take care and I'll catch you on the flipside!






Toodles! :-)

No... Really!

You guys have GOT to check out Malia's Thursday blogpost.  It has got to be THE funniest thing I have ever seen in my LIFE!  I seriously wish I had thought of it first.  I almost wish I hadn't gotten married, yet, so that I could do it... ALMOST!!

But for real.  Go check it out... I am in LOVE with this group of people, right here!!!

Toodles!

Another Peekaboo

... just because I can. :-)


"He brings peace to the weary
And Strength to the weak
He is Comfort in mourning
And Joy in my grief
He is Love for the lonely
The Forgiver of my sins

My Deliverer
My Savior
You are My Righteousness.

Lives Restored and Darkness flees
All Creation bows at your feet."




Just a few parts and pieces to another song... again, hard to imagine it without melody and rhythm, but that's the curse of the blog, I guess.

Oowweee...

Alright... Who forgot to warn me about the pain that follows learning to play the guitar?



I started messing around last night, after a quick trip to target for a tuner and some picks. It was all fine and dandy until about 20 minutes into it.



I found this website online that, until I can get some lessons or a DVD or something, will teach be basics of guitar play (and it's pretty impressive and easy to follow, too!). It teaches you how to tune your guitar, what all the parts are called, the proper way to hold it, and then the musical stuff.




So this is a little bit of what I learned last night:


- The strings on the guitar are E-A-D-G-B-E (which I'll remember by thinking eat all day, get big easy).
- Each fret raised the pitch of the string by a half step.
- When tuning, tightening the string raises the pitch, while loosening it lowers the pitch.
- Playing a string, while not touching any part of it is called playing the string "open".




And the biggest thing that I learned last night about playing the guitar? It's SO not as easy as it looks. So the tips of about 3 of my fingers are pretty much hurting, today. But ya know what? I think it'll be worth it. Apparently my fingers will eventually start to callous up and not hurt so much. And hopefully by then I'll have at least mastered my first chord!!


So it's not coming as easily as I'd hope it would, but I guess that would mean I wouldn't appreciate it nearly as much, either. So it seems to be a fair trade, I suppose.




For those of you whom already know how to play the guitar - rock on! You guys make it look wicked easy, and it's SO not!! Hopefully I'll be one of you some day. But until then, any tops on how to keep from killing your fingers? It's actually hurting as I type this blog...








*sniffle sniffle*

Stella

Here she is. I picked her up in Annapolis last night - ain't she a beaut? She's simple. Nothing too fancy - just does what she's made to do... make music.

So, I guess you could say we have some things in common, so far. :-)

I haven't really gotten to know her all that well, yet, but that will come. I'm super excited to learn how to play, and can't WAIT to get started!

But, alas... I have to wait. *sigh* She's WAY out of tune, at the moment. I can't really blame her, though - she hasn't been played in about 2 years, so... I'd probably be a bit out of tune, too.

Okay - I think I'm starting to sound a bit odd, here. Forgive me. I just wanted to introduce you two since you'll be hearing a lot more about her in the coming blogs, I'm sure.

Now that you've met, I'll be on my way for the day. If I get bored, I'll probably be back. But until then, Happy Thursday - I hope you have a blasty-blast!

Asta Shasta!

So I heard...

back from "those people", and guess who's getting a guitar tonight?!


ME!! Yep that's right - I'm leaving work to go meet them in Annapolis to pay and pick it up. SOOOO excited!! *EEK*





Toodles! :-D

PS: Anyone got some old accessories I can have for cheap or... I dunno... say, free?!

That ol' Gee-Tar

Well, I found a guitar on Craigslist and *fingers crossed* I'm really hoping that this guy will get back to me... like... YESTERDAY!!!

According to the listing, he bought it for his daughter and she's only used it about two times. So he's only asking for $125. :-) I'm SUPER excited!! AND - the real kicker... McStudly said I can go for it!! Well, his actual words were "It's up to you, babe." So that means yes - SCORE!!!


I've been itching to learn since high school, so I'm really praying this will all work out. It's in the price range (really cheap) and it's WAY local (as in only about than 10 mins from our house). Here's hoping!!







Now... I just gotta figure out how to play the dang thing, if I get it!!

Feeling Lead...

It's an interesting concept. Do you ever felt impressed to do something, or go a certain direction, but you don't know why? Like... your mind knows something it won't tell you?

Well, I've been having a day week YEAR like that, I suppose. I feel like there's SO much to life that I'm missing, because I make silly excuses. But NOT anymore!! Well... maybe just a few here and there.


ANYwho - McStudly and I should be getting our tax refund within a week or two. We opted for direct deposit (why didn't I do this SOONER?!) and are eagerly awaiting our refund, to include our first time home buyers credit. This will free us of over HALF of the debt we currently have, and that means less stress (not that it keeps me up at night) and more time to dream. :-)


Debt doesn't really worry me, because we are still living within our means - just paying it off and not adding to it. We don't worry about phone calls from creditors and we have a pay-off plan. But after this refund arrives, we'll have a SINGLE blob (blog - a very technical financial term, of course) of debt on our credit. Wait - scratch that... a single blob outside of our mortgage and car payments, that is. For us - that's progress.

We're still paying off our wedding, so this will make it FINALLY almost complete. PLUS - with our pay-off plan, after you pay one debt off in full, you apply that amount to the next blob of debt, and you are paying your debt off at an exponential rate. It's amazing. So in NO time, we'll be done with this blob, too, and we'll get to start paying off our cars, AND finally fix up the house and add a little bit of "us" to it. :-)


This isn't exactly where I intended this blog to go, but oh well. It went there. So no, moving on!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paying off all of this debt just adds a little more breathing room, and a chance to pursue a few other things that I've been putting off, so as not to add to debt, or anything like that. Hopefully, I'll get to buy a rather cheap guitar and finally start to learn how to play. I've considered getting a keyboard, but guitar is the one I REALLY want. As awesome as keyboards are, I MUCH prefer the sound of real piano, so... it's never been a big hit with me.

ANYWHO - this means adding to the whole song-writing thing. I've been working on a few other songs, but always get stuck in trying to make note of the melody and the ideas in my head for the music, since I'm not one of those people who can accurately jot down what notes I'm singing or thinking. That'll come, I'm sure, but I gotta work to get there, ya know?

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to work on it. And paying off all of this debt will make it that much more possible. The only thing that would make it even better? Being able to find a nice sounding guitar for UBER cheap. I check craigslist pretty regularly, and occasionally take a gander on ebay, but... nothing so far.

Anyone cleaning out their closet full of musical instruments that are in great working condition anytime soon? Yeah. I won't hold my breath on that one. But a girl can dream, right?




Right. And in the meantime, I'll just keep working with what I've got.

Feeling Lyrical

So, I'm one of those people who is really impacted by music. The be and flow of it alone can render me tear-filled and sobby, but then you throw in some lyrics and I could quite possibly become a total mess. Am I the only one?! Ah who cares, either way. It's just how I am. So it's funny that I'm married to someone that, although he likes music, doesn't really feel it's impact most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there is still the occasional song that may catch him off guard or have him thinking, but it doesn't happen nearly a often as with me. I'm Sarah, a I'm a musicaholic... (hi, Sarah.)

So one of my favorite things to do, with regards to music, is to find these artists that aren't well known. Artists that are extremely talented, but, for whatever reason, aren't out there, yet. It gives me this random sense of discovery. Songs on the radio can spark a search, which leads me to another artist, then to another, etc. Until I find one that's now all that popular, yet. Oddly enough, usually within a few weeks of finding them, I end up hearing them on the radio, and seeing their name in iTunes or on some banner online. It's pretty cool, cause then I think "Ooh... I found them FIRST! Take THAT, Apple software!" I know, I'm lame, but hey - who cares.

Well, a few months back (like 6?) I became a BIG fan of Meredith Andrews. I heard her on the radio, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE her CD. If you haven't heard it, and/or don't own it, go get it. Check out some clips on iTunes and then buy it. You'll thank me, later. :-) She became my selection of choice for a bit, because I'm one of those people that sticks to the same CD for a while before moving on to another.

So after some one-on-one driving time with Meredith (yeah... we're close like that. ha ha), I started artist hopping, again. I went from her to Brooke Fraser (who's CD, apparently, McStudly had already ordered for me on amazon, as a surprise - he knows my love for music). She's amazing. She's originally from New Zealand (her dad was a famous Rugby player, in his early years), then moved to Australia where she became one of Hillsongs United's worship leaders. She also began her career as a solo-artist. She's amazing. her songs are thought-provoking, much like Meredith Andrews, but she's more guitar-driven and rockin' than Meredith's full band sound and tear-jerker songs that make you want to go deeper (ha - that's the name of one of her songs, even!).

Anywho - after some one-on-one time with Brooke, it was time to hop again. So I went online. iTunes has this feature called "genius". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's super cool. Straight from Apple's website: "While you reacquaint yourself with the music you already own, let Genius introduce you to new music you’ll love. As you select songs in your library, the Genius sidebar displays songs from the iTunes Store that go great with it. The Genius sidebar won’t recommend songs already in your library, and you can preview and buy recommended songs directly from the sidebar." Get it? So pretty much, it tells you what artists and songs that, according to your current library, would be a good fit for your 'style' of music.

And it's named perfectly. Genius led me to Francesca Battistelli. Now, she's starting to be played on the radio, now, but she wants when I "found" her. At least not in our neck of the woods. I was starting to think that our radio stations don't even know what current music exists, much less want to play it on their station. But she's amazing. She's got more of a Sara Bareillas type feel, with her piano-driven songs, but her lyrics are totally though-provoking and face-slapping (in a good "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way... as opposed to the bad "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way). She just puts things in a kind of light that can, in a sense, help you re-realize what's real. Wow - I'm not making any sense. Just take a look at these, if you will... maybe that'll help, some:


Excerpts that have me thinking:

"I don't know where the story ends
But I'll be alright 'cause you wrote it.
I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine.
You're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go.
You're keeping me guessing."



"Even though I've got the lines rehearsed, A picture only paints a thousand words…
Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seening part of me.
There's more than you could ever know, behind the scenes.
I'm incimplete and I'm undone,
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much morethat's going on, behind the scenes…
When it's hard to find hope in the unseen,
I have peace in knowing it will find me."

"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and tell me I have all you seek
And it's easy to believe, even though

I've got a couple dents in my fender,
Got a couple rips in my jeans.
I'm tryin' to fit the pieces together,
But perfection is my enemy.
And on my own I'm so clumsy,
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me."

Okay so those are just a few - the only ones I could find already typed up online (and I'm too lazy to type them up myself, since I'm supposed to be doing actual work right now.

So this chick is awesome. You really have to listen to her songs to like her, because just looking at the lyrics make it seem... eh... overly simplified. But maybe that's the beauty? I think we all have a tendency to over-complicate things. Especially the female variety (AMEN, sista!). But since I'm one to really read into artists as I find them, I was checking out Franny's (yep... we're cool like that, too) blog/journal and there was a quote that totally whimp-slapped me upside my head. I mean I really had to read it a few times before I could get through it without being totally floored with it's application to my life.

As most of you know, I wrote a while back about how I feel like God's really been pushing me to use the gifts he's given me. And so I start pushing further. But I slacked off a bit. I make stupid excuses and even though I have people trying to help me push myself, I am pretty convincing when I make excuses for them, as well. Not to mention they have their OWN stuff to deal with, here. But really - what's my PROBLEM?! Well, here's the quote that pretty much knocked me off my comfy little cushioned work chair, this morning:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Nelson Mandela

Umm... OUCH!! Did that knock anyone ELSE'S socks off?

So yeah. That's where I am today. Where are you?

(and no, I don't know to know where you physically are. Let's be real, here, people... if we can't be vulnerable hiding behind our computers, where can we be?!)

La Musica

I think I finally decided it. In fact - I know I did.

I want to learn to play guitar.

There - I've said it. I played piano when I was younger, and was pretty dang good at it, if I do say so myself. But the problem with a piano - you can't take it with you. And who wants to strap on a keyboard, right?! Plus - I don't think I could get back into piano without having one at home to practice on, and then there's the problem with reading music... don't get me started. I missed the bus on this one. (FYI - my children will be taught to read music at a VERY young age. If they decide they don't want to be musical later in life, then fine. But it won't be for lack of education!) But with the guitar - you just read the note... I mean... it's spelled out for you. There's no "third line up... that's... every good boy... that's a B... no play a B". Noo... it just tells you what to play. It says "B" So there... you play a B.

So I want to play the guitar.

The problem - we can't buy one, right now. Financially, it's not a good time. We're getting debt under control. Getting ready to buy a house. Living on a budget, for the time being. So buying a guitar won't work for now.

BUT it WILL HAPPEN!

Eventually... maybe not anytime soon, but it will. And I'm excited!!

PS - know any good methods of teaching yourself how to play?! Cause I don't want to take lessons... that's more money... and why not learn on your own, right? Lemme know!

Peace out!