Decisions, Decisions

So I've recently been presented with a few decisions that need to be made, and it's forcing me to really evaluate where I am, right now.

For those of you who have read fairly regularly, you know the McStudly and I are really involved in our church. We love it! I really wish, most of the time, that I could get paid to do that instead of working at the full-time job I have (though I do actually enjoy that, as well). Ah well... one can dream, right?!

Anywho, I was recently approached about becoming more (or perhaps just a tad differently and a bit more frequently) involved in one of the areas that I thoroughly enjoy. And in actuality, it was literally a dream come true... as in - I had a dream about it a week or so ago. Crazy, right?! Yeah. I thought so, too. And when this person told me the other night that they had something they wanted to talk to me about, my thoughts went to this dream. Of course, being of the female persuasion and all, my thoughts then quickly went to "am I in trouble?" or "what did I do?!", but I was assured I was not in trouble at all... though I was still a bit anxious about it (who wouldn't be?!).

I said I'd talk to McStudly about it, since it involved more of a time commitment and I"m already pretty spread in several different directions (which actually caused them to almost not ask me at all, because they knew I was so busy. Nice, eh?).

So, basically, I've been thinking about it a lot. Like a LOT lot. I'm not one to believe in these kinds of coincidences as purely random, but more like purposeful. Does that make sense?! Between the dream, and thinking this was what it would be about... and then actually being right. I dunno - call me crazy!


But here's where I struggle. Remember I said I'm already pretty spread in several different directions? Yeah. As in here's what I do on any given week: Sunday morning: church (sometimes both services). Sunday evening: Underground (Young Adults). Monday: free (woohoo!). Tuesday: worship practice. Wednesday: church early for prep and then helping with Fusion (Youth service). Thursday: Pregnancy clinic training. Friday: free (hopefully date-night). Saturday: who knows... cleaning, laundry (yeah right, ha!), sleeping in!!!

I'm not insanely busy, I suppose, but keep in mind that Tuesday - Thursday activities are not including McStudly. He isn't involved int he worship team, or youth, or the pregnancy clinic. So we see each other before and after, but it's kind've like ships passing in the night. Also, there are monthly meetings involved (sometimes multiple) with all of these ministries, so they usually take up another night or two, here and there, so it's ends up being one packed month after another.


I say all of this to get to my point, I suppose. Making this change means that I need to make a sacrifice somewhere else. That's why this isn't a "Well, of course!" kind of a thing, right now.

Sidenote: On top of that, the McStud and I have been having a very... trying week (we all have them - you know where you just keep butting heads and/or missing each other and it's juts rough all around?! Yeah. That kind.), so that hasn't really helped, much.


I really want to do this, but I don't know how I feel about stepping down in the other areas I'm involved in. It's not easy. It's going to take a lot of thought and prayer, as well as discussion with the hubster before a decision is reached.

FYI: in case you're wondering, it's not like I'll be moving to Africa, or anything, so you may think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to (not that you know what it is, or anything), but to me, it's personally a hard decision.


I just feel torn, I guess is the best way to put it. I'm involved in all of these ministries because of various reasons, but mainly because I have a heart to be there. So it's not like I could just drop it like a bad habit and move on to something else, ya know?! It's hard to see something that seems so right just out of your reach, and you have to let go of something else to get to it... sometimes more than one "something else", like in my case - I feel like letting go of just one thing won't really change anything or make extra time or add less stress, but that it would take letting go of two things just for the 1.


Am I babbling? Or hopefully I'm at least making a little teenie bit of sense in here, somewhere?!


Maybe blogging about it is helping me to feel like I'm working things out. Pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case) can really help me sort out my thoughts, sometimes.


All I know is with all that went before this - the dream, kind've seeing it coming (does it sound bad to say that?! It feels like it sounds really snobby and braggadocios - Ooh... HUGE points for using that word in a blog on a Friday!!), and then actually hearing it. I don't know - call me crazy, but I feel like this is where God wants me. And on top of all that, I've already been trying to stretch myself in this area. I mean... McStudly and I have had many a conversation about it and my trying to better myself and step out of my comfort zone (that could be a whole other blog in itself!), and then this happens. So is it weird of me to think that all of this is playing a part in the bigger picture, somehow? I just can't shake the feeling.


And maybe that's why I feel so compelled to lean in this direction, while knowing that it'll take some sacrifice to get there.


Could that be the point? I trust God. I really do. But am I the only one that still questions things... even the things I really feel that he's leading me towards? What is WRONG with me?!?!


Why do we do this? We hold so tight onto the things that we know. The things that are familiar. the things we're comfortable with... even though we know that God has bigger and better plans for us to move on to.


It's like I know what I need to do, but I worry too much about actually doing it. Or I feel like I'll be letting someone down or putting someone else in a bad spot by stepping down and/or out of the other ministries.


*lightbulb moment*

Hang on a second... is that maybe a form of pride?! Do I somehow, without realizing it, hold myself so highly that I think the other people... the other ministries can't do without me? Ouch. Talk about a public realization of fault, man. I'm discovering, openly, on my blog that I'm dealing with pride in an area I had no idea was there. This blog post is getting heavier and heavier the more I type.

Sidenote: Am I the only one that is doing this? Is there any chance that maybe you guys are dealing with similar forms of pride? I mean... God can do the impossible. We sing it. We say it. We may shout it from time to time. But then there's that dang old box, again, and we think that he can't carry on a ministry without use. Ouch ouch OUCH! Please be honest... I feel like I may be the only one, right now, and that's not making me feel so good. :-(


Wow. I need to deal with that. Like yesterday! And I think that, maybe, I just made my decision. ??


Of course I'll be talking to McStudly about it more (we actually get to SEE each other tonight. Squeea!) and praying about it a little more, but can I ask you a HUGEmongous favor?? Can you all pray for me, too? For both the decision, and now, apparently, my subconscious issues with pride, too?



Gesh... why is humility so difficult that you don't even realize you are missing it, most of the time?! I'm missing the mark and somehow I feel like I'm still shooting straight. Ugh!!



Well, I've carried on long enough, and given you enough of a Serious Pill for this Friday. Hope it wasn't too big to swallow, and that you'll be honest enough with yourself (...and possibly the rest of us?!) to do it. I'm going to go get to work on "fixing" myself. Thank God for his unconditional grace, cause Lord knows I need it!!


Hope you all have a great weekend, and I'd LOVE to hear how you guys feel about what I said. And just so you know, I'm not typically one of those planner kind of bloggers. I really was just figuring this whole thing out as I typed... I'm working on being as genuine as possible (it's part of my pregnancy clinic training), and I feel this might be the best way to keep myself real (it's awfully safe here, behind this computer).



Anywho, take care and I'll catch you on the flipside!






Toodles! :-)

If Only You Knew...

The Underground Halloween Party this past Sunday evening was a big hit. It turned out to be loads of fun, and almost EVERYONE dressed to impress (some just dressed, and left their impressing spirit at home, I gusss).

Anywho - it was a blast. McStudly took home the prize for "funniest costume", and if you look at the pictures below, you'll probably see why. (I'm sure it helped that he totally worked it on the runway) Go get 'em, baby!


Brace yourselves...

Yep - that'd be us!

Ha ha ha - he's trying to drink his punch, but he's not used to being so big!

Aiyana rockin' her very impressive costume. "You will never be Geisha!" ha ha

The FANtastic judges: Sheena, Mrs Dee, and Pastor Travis

(American Idol ain't got NOTHING on these guys!)

Phantom and Christi (aka:Richard and Amber - fyi, they're newly engaged!!!)

I know it's dark and I look creepy with my shiny eyes, and what-not, but just imagine the Thriller video playing on a projector screen, and myself (along with a cool guy, Josh) dancing along. Oh good times...

Well, that would be that. It was SO much fun, yet QUITE an exhausting day. Good times were had by all, and tonight there's another party - Neewollah, the Youth costume party. Hopefully there will be plenty of pics to follow (AND I've been told that I'm a judge, so we shall see what happens, eh?!).

Asta Pasta!

Hold on to Your Suspenders, folks!

What?! No one really wears those anymore?? Well, I heard they're coming back in to style (unfortunately)...

ANYwho - I am in class today and tomorrow, so I won't really be able to blog, unless we get out early (which is possible). BUT I have a few things coming for you later this week:

- Pics fromt he Underground Halloween Party last night
- Pics of our new bedroom furniture (which is being set up as I type!!)
- possibly some pics from The Youth's Neewollah (Yes - that is Halloween spelled backwords, for those of you who are not lisdexic - err... uhh - dislexic).


Good times... good times.

Anywho - check it later, and you won't be sorry!!





Toodles for now! ;-)

Laser Taggin'

Saturday - our young adults group went to play Laser Tag at Shadowlands in Columbia. It was definitely a good time!!

Even though I didn't get to play very much, due to a bag pack in ALL 3 GAMES!! It was still a blast!!

Unfortunately, I am TOTALLY feeling it today! I mean Seriously - is all of the pain REALLY necessary?! So I don't exercise regularly... so I'm not in military-like shape... and so I sucked... Do I really need to be punished by this leg buckling pain every time i try to stand up? And do I REALLY need to look like I'm a yo-boy when I just want to walk?!

No - I don't think it's necessary... but tell that to my aching BODY!!

And so - after a fun-filled Taggin' Saturday, I have a few messages I feel that I must pass along to my fellow "taggers" out there:

#1 - this is for all of you 12-year-old-laster-tag-enthusiasts out there: STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND!!! You are SUCH a FUN STEALER when you follow the helpless girl with the "can't shoot, but can be shot" laser pack on. You SUCK little mean 12 year old! You TOTALLY suck!

2 - this is for the older group out there: ACT YOUR AGE!! Or at LEAST half of it!! I mean if you SERIOUSLY insist on covering your pack so that you can't be shot, then don't get all HUFFY PUFFY on me when I walk up to you and jam my GUN right in your front pack so I can flippin' SHOOT YOU!! COME ON!!

and finally...

#3 - if you are under the age of 15, and you are cussing me out... be afraid... be very afraid. Actually - if you are cussing me out PERIOD, then be afraid, becuase that's when angry Sarah comes out. And you won't like the Hulk when she's angry! So to you, little 9 year old, that cussed me out when I asked you to stop following me... when I told you to "I'm going to pop you in the mouth if you talk to me like that one more time", I thoroughly meant that. Would I have done it? There's no real way to know. But when you told your Mommy that I was mean to you, I couldn't help but notice that you left out the somewhat "small and insignifant" details of why I was mean to you. Could it be that if she had known why, she herself would've popped you in the mouth for it? Again - there's no way to know. But know this... if Mother had been there, and found out I had used the same words as you to speak to even a 45 year old man, I guarantee you I wouldn't be able to talk for a month or more.

div>

Okay. I feel SIGNIFICANTLY better now. And I'm thoroughly aware that I totally and completely sounded like a geek in this blog, but let's be real - we all think it. I'm just gutsy enough to put it out there.

And for you, Echo4... you know who you are. You just remember that if my pack had been working, there's no WAY you would've won all three games of laser tag by at least 2,000 points or more per game. There's no way.

You keep that in mind...