...because he took me to lunch today (literally - picked me up and everything!) and let me vent my frustrations from my morning at work. AND when I got back to work, and my frustrations reappeared, he listened attentively on the phone as I dished them out, again.
*sigh
He's so dreamy!
We're all guilty of it. Even though it comes in different forms, and even makes TOTAL sense, sometimes... that doesn't make it right. Right?! But it's just so natural. It happens without our even realizing it. And who can stop that? We still hold ourselves responsible, but it's just - we have the wrong aim. It's not us, it's them. What works for them doesn't work for everyone.
That line was advice given to us when McStudly and I were engaged. He met with a friend of ours and they had a good talk... about everything, pretty much. And it was nice. I don't know about all of it - it was guy talk. We women are only privied to some of it. But nonetheless, it was a great piece of advice. When he said it, he meant it for our relationship. It was pretty much about how you may look at other couples and things seem great, like they've got it all together. And where that may be true, you can't just try doing what they do in order to get your relationship to that level. Because what works for them may not work for you. And that's SO true!
But I woke up this morning realizing that we ALL so it, in one way, shape, or form. We ALL tend to look at someone and say 'they've got this right' or 'I really like they way they do that' or whatever. And that's all fine and well. But just because it works for them, doesn't mean it works for you. You aren't them!
I'm not making much sense, here (what else is new?!).
I have a tendency to do this to myself a LOT. For example, I listen to these great artists that I love, and I think 'I should make my music sound like this' or 'this look is really great', but that's not how it should be. It's fine to gain inspiration, and ideas, etc, but I'm NOT them! So why on EARTH should I try to model my music or life, even, after these people who were called to be that when I'm MADE to be something COMPLETELY different!
One of the Pastor's Wives at our church spoke a while back about being MADE. Got took the time to make us. To shape us. To detail us in the best way for our purpose. He doesn't make mistakes. So then WHY WHY WHY do I always try to change what and who I am? Improving myself, now that's a given, but I look the way I look for a reason. I sound the way I sound for a reason. I have the passions that and the drive that I have for a reason, and I need to stop trying to form them into what I think would be better. Because it WON'T be better. It'll be worse, because then I won't be who GOD made me to be, I'd be who I'm trying to shove myself into being.
I'm made to fill one certain space in this puzzle, and instead of just going there and piecing it together, I'm trying to JAM myself into this other spot WAY on the other side of the puzzle. And who wants green grass in their blue sky? I mean... doing this would only mess up the puzzle, right?! Not make it better!
So why do we do it? Why do I do it? Because I'm human and I'm stupid. But that's no excuse, because I need to get past this. It's going to be SO hard, because it's a habit of - oh - about 23 years! But I need to do it. Otherwise, what's the point?
If I can't accept the fact that God made me different to REMAIN different, then I'm a loser. And beyond accepting it, I need to pipe down and put it to good use! I need to stop fashioning myself to look/sound like others and just be ME in the way I was intended to be.
Am I the ONLY one that can see this in my life? Seriously?!
So, I'm one of those people who is really impacted by music. The be and flow of it alone can render me tear-filled and sobby, but then you throw in some lyrics and I could quite possibly become a total mess. Am I the only one?! Ah who cares, either way. It's just how I am. So it's funny that I'm married to someone that, although he likes music, doesn't really feel it's impact most of the time. Don't get me wrong, there is still the occasional song that may catch him off guard or have him thinking, but it doesn't happen nearly a often as with me. I'm Sarah, a I'm a musicaholic... (hi, Sarah.)
So one of my favorite things to do, with regards to music, is to find these artists that aren't well known. Artists that are extremely talented, but, for whatever reason, aren't out there, yet. It gives me this random sense of discovery. Songs on the radio can spark a search, which leads me to another artist, then to another, etc. Until I find one that's now all that popular, yet. Oddly enough, usually within a few weeks of finding them, I end up hearing them on the radio, and seeing their name in iTunes or on some banner online. It's pretty cool, cause then I think "Ooh... I found them FIRST! Take THAT, Apple software!" I know, I'm lame, but hey - who cares.
Well, a few months back (like 6?) I became a BIG fan of Meredith Andrews. I heard her on the radio, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE her CD. If you haven't heard it, and/or don't own it, go get it. Check out some clips on iTunes and then buy it. You'll thank me, later. :-) She became my selection of choice for a bit, because I'm one of those people that sticks to the same CD for a while before moving on to another.
So after some one-on-one driving time with Meredith (yeah... we're close like that. ha ha), I started artist hopping, again. I went from her to Brooke Fraser (who's CD, apparently, McStudly had already ordered for me on amazon, as a surprise - he knows my love for music). She's amazing. She's originally from New Zealand (her dad was a famous Rugby player, in his early years), then moved to Australia where she became one of Hillsongs United's worship leaders. She also began her career as a solo-artist. She's amazing. her songs are thought-provoking, much like Meredith Andrews, but she's more guitar-driven and rockin' than Meredith's full band sound and tear-jerker songs that make you want to go deeper (ha - that's the name of one of her songs, even!).
Anywho - after some one-on-one time with Brooke, it was time to hop again. So I went online. iTunes has this feature called "genius". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's super cool. Straight from Apple's website: "While you reacquaint yourself with the music you already own, let Genius introduce you to new music you’ll love. As you select songs in your library, the Genius sidebar displays songs from the iTunes Store that go great with it. The Genius sidebar won’t recommend songs already in your library, and you can preview and buy recommended songs directly from the sidebar." Get it? So pretty much, it tells you what artists and songs that, according to your current library, would be a good fit for your 'style' of music.
And it's named perfectly. Genius led me to Francesca Battistelli. Now, she's starting to be played on the radio, now, but she wants when I "found" her. At least not in our neck of the woods. I was starting to think that our radio stations don't even know what current music exists, much less want to play it on their station. But she's amazing. She's got more of a Sara Bareillas type feel, with her piano-driven songs, but her lyrics are totally though-provoking and face-slapping (in a good "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way... as opposed to the bad "I just realized I'm a total loser" kind of way). She just puts things in a kind of light that can, in a sense, help you re-realize what's real. Wow - I'm not making any sense. Just take a look at these, if you will... maybe that'll help, some:
Excerpts that have me thinking:
"I don't know where the story ends
But I'll be alright 'cause you wrote it.
I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine.
You're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go.
You're keeping me guessing."
"Even though I've got the lines rehearsed, A picture only paints a thousand words…
Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seening part of me.
There's more than you could ever know, behind the scenes.
I'm incimplete and I'm undone,
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much morethat's going on, behind the scenes…
When it's hard to find hope in the unseen,
I have peace in knowing it will find me."
"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and tell me I have all you seek
And it's easy to believe, even though
I've got a couple dents in my fender,
Got a couple rips in my jeans.
I'm tryin' to fit the pieces together,
But perfection is my enemy.
And on my own I'm so clumsy,
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me."
Okay so those are just a few - the only ones I could find already typed up online (and I'm too lazy to type them up myself, since I'm supposed to be doing actual work right now.
So this chick is awesome. You really have to listen to her songs to like her, because just looking at the lyrics make it seem... eh... overly simplified. But maybe that's the beauty? I think we all have a tendency to over-complicate things. Especially the female variety (AMEN, sista!). But since I'm one to really read into artists as I find them, I was checking out Franny's (yep... we're cool like that, too) blog/journal and there was a quote that totally whimp-slapped me upside my head. I mean I really had to read it a few times before I could get through it without being totally floored with it's application to my life.
As most of you know, I wrote a while back about how I feel like God's really been pushing me to use the gifts he's given me. And so I start pushing further. But I slacked off a bit. I make stupid excuses and even though I have people trying to help me push myself, I am pretty convincing when I make excuses for them, as well. Not to mention they have their OWN stuff to deal with, here. But really - what's my PROBLEM?! Well, here's the quote that pretty much knocked me off my comfy little cushioned work chair, this morning:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Nelson Mandela
Umm... OUCH!! Did that knock anyone ELSE'S socks off?
So yeah. That's where I am today. Where are you?
(and no, I don't know to know where you physically are. Let's be real, here, people... if we can't be vulnerable hiding behind our computers, where can we be?!)
Since it's Monday, it's been a bit crazy, and I'm not feeling very creative when it comes to bloggage... this is all you're gonna get for today.
If your dog turns itself into the rescue shelter, yoouuuuu might be a redneck.
Until mañana...
Yesterday...
it has to have been the WORST day I have had in a very VERY long time. Let me sum up:
- woke up with the beginning stages of a migraine
- got to work and realized I had forgotten my badge
- received our BGE bill
- got ANOTHER call from Mr. Health Department
- my lunch caught on FIRE
So... I bet you're wondering why some of these things seemed to bad, and how in the world others actually happened. I'd be happy to oblige for the sake of my blog. :-) Now, I will essplain:
I woke up feeling awful and unable to open my eyes due to the vast amount of sunlight peering through my bedroom windows. For those of you who get migraines, you know that feeling. When you FIRST realize that a migraine is forming - it's like... there's no where to run... unless you enjoy sleeping in your bathtub with all doors shut and blankets stuffed under the doors. And it's not just like waking up with any headache, mind you. It's like waking up with pure agony being birthed in your head. Anywho, McStudly comes upstairs to wake me up (he had mysteriously woken up at like the butt-crack of dawn on his own and with no alarm clock, for some reason) and I send him off to fetch some Excedrin Migraine... the only medicine strong enough to fight off my personal Kryptonite. He does do, and I call in to work to tell them that I'll be late. Thank GOD I work with a soft spoken person, and not someone who answers the phone as loud and perky as my mother does (I love you, Momma Bear, but you know it's true!).
So I wake up about an hour and a half later feeling like I, along with my noble steed, Excedrin, had valiantly defeated my enemy. I get ready and head off to work. Upon turning into the - eh - establishment, I realize that I did not have my badge with me. If any of you know where I work, then you know I can't under ANY circumstances, even enter the parking lot without my badge. So I u-turn and pull into the Visitor's Center to get a temporary badge for the day. There is NO way I am turning around and going home to get it and come ALL the way back. So I go in and tell them I need a new badge. You would have thought that I was THE most IRRESPONSIBLE person on the PLANET! I'll spare you the conversational details and just skip to finally getting my badge and heading into the parking lot where I, amazingly, actually got a spot right in front of my building.
I headed inside and logged onto my computer to find an e-mail McStudly had sent while I was in Georgia this weekend. It was a forward of our BGE bill and HOLY LORD in HEAVEN!!! We only own a town home, mind you. Not even a large town home - like... a two story, two-bedroom town home. So then HOW, might I ask, is it even POSSIBLE for our bill to be well over $400??? Yeah... I didn't think it was possible, either. Especially since we just had BGE install our programmable thermostat last month. Here we thought we'd be cutting that bill in - like - HALF! Guess we were wrong on that one... (and don't worry, we've already cut our temperature down into like the low 62 degree range, after receiving this bill! Who needs anything more than blankets, right?)
I check my voicemail and, I should've known, Mr. Moulton's voice comes on, asking me to give him a call. Oy. I should've just gone home, then. So I call Mr. Moulton and he picks up right away. He informs me that they've received another complaint from Neighbor Lady (NL) and that we are now "required" to clean up our dog's poop every two days. Just FYI - we clean it up weekly. He goes one to sometimes two times a day. It's really not that much. But now, because they've received regular complaints over the same issue, though we've never ONCE been in violation of any HOA or County Health Codes, he has had to issue us a pre-citation. Now, a pre-citation has nothing to do with whether or not a violation has occurred, according to Mr. Moulton. But instead, it is the next step in dealing with a constant and regular complaint. Here's where I just let it all out. Now, I know that he is just doing is job. But after dealing with this huge load of crap (pun not originally intended, but left in for good measure) for the 4 and a half months that we've lived in our home, I think a good dose of sarcasm is long overdue. Fortunately for me, he doesn't really pick up on that kind of thing. So I'm laying it on PRETTY thick. "So let me get this straight, if I may... you have no regulations regarding cigarette smoke and it's affect on neighbors, however because she has to look at my dog's poop there's a 'health' concern?" Yes ma'am. That's correct. "Okay, so even though I can get LUNG cancer because she smokes about a pack-a-day in front of my house and her just having to LOOK at dog poop in MY backyard is a higher priority to the Anne Arundle County Health Department?" MmmHmm. That's correct. Am I the ONLY one that sees a problem here? Let's leave it at that. I'll spare you the remaining details. However, know that I am drafting up my letter to the Health Department high-ups as well as the NL. All of which will be sent certified mail so that I have proof that received them, should this crud go any further. So I get off the phone and am SHAKING I am so pissed off, at this point. Do you blame me?
But no... it can't end there. I haven't even had LUNCH, yet!
After watching the inauguration - which was pretty cool, might I add - I decide that it's time to finally shut my stomach up and have some lunch. Since I got to work late, I just ran down to the cafeteria and bought myself a little Stouffers french bread pizza to warm up instead of going out. "Cooking directions: Heat for 1 1/2 mins. in the microwave, then heat for 4 - 6 minutes in the toaster oven at 475." I put it in the microwave. Done. I set the toaster over to 450, because that's as high as it goes, here at work, and then put it in. I really had to pee, so I asked my co-worker, Lulu (not her real name), to pull it out if it starts to smell like it's smokey or something (our Toaster over smells like a forest fire when you warm a friggin pop tart... so it was bound to happen). She agrees and I run of to the little girls' room. Not 2 minutes later I return to Lulu standing in front of the toaster oven, wide-eyed and horrified. "You owe me, Sarah!" Why? What happened?? Here it is... in a nutshell: Not even half-way into it's 4-6 minutes of necessary cooking, the toaster oven starts to stink. So Lulu gets up and grabs some paper towels to help her take out the pizza. She turns it off, gives it a few minutes to cool, and then... after it stops "glowing" (the toaster oven, that is), she starts to pull it out. All was fine, at first. But then suddenly, one of the paper towels start to flicker a bit of a flame. She tried blowing it out (not a good idea, mind you) and the little flame becomes a BIG flame! So she stars calmly 'yelling' "This things on Fire!" She throws it down to keep from being burnt and two guys run over and begin stomping it out. So... not only am I the butt of everyones joke (and probably will be for a few weeks, and then everytime I attempt to cook my food) but there is ALSO a huge burnt piece of carpet on the floor to remind everyone, should that happen to forget.
I was so ready to just go home. But I ended up having an afternoon filled with writing letters to the Health Department and then on my way home, got a call from a girlfriend of mine to come to their house, because that's where McStudly was and we were going to order pizza and hang out. So the evening ended up fantastic. It was the only way to perfectly end such a horribly awful day.
Now... aren't you glad you're not me?
I have the most amazing husband in the world.
Today, I got up just after he came to bed (he works nights, this week). I gathered my clothes and got dresses in the bathroom, so as not to bother him. Took the dog out... took the recycle out... then left for work. It was BUTT cold! What's this 25 degree nonsense. No sir!!
But, alas, I had to stop for gas, because I didn't want to stop in last night's BUTT cold... I guess I figured it'd be better if at least the sun was shining. So I pull up to the closest gas station (that light's been on for a while, folks - have I mentioned how much I hate the cold?) and grabbed my wallet. Put my keys in my coat pocket, took a deep breath and then held it as I opened to door and let that dadgum wind whimp-slap me in the face.
I stepped up to the "pay at the pump" thingy and opened my wallet to find a piece of ripped off and folded white paper sticking in with my card. I know I didn't put it there... so of course my curiosity got the best of me. I opened it. It said:
"You make me Smile. I love you. - McStudly"
*sigh* Isn't he dreamy?! MAN I can't wait to get home and wake up him this evening. I wanted to call him right away, but I didn't want to wake him. Oh man... he's just wonderful. And now I'm giggling all over the place like a school-girl that just got that "circle Yes or No" note passed to her in class.
I guess that feeling never goes away... even after you're married.
I think I'm okay with that.
I am a SLACKER! Not that it's a news flash or anything. I mean, you can tell by how often I've blogged in the past week, right? Right.
So My bad. I keep waiting to upload this pictures from my Birthday Bowling Extravaganza Shin-dig Bash this past weekend, and it hasn't happened, yet. Should be good times, though... when it finally happens.
Peace out!
This week, I'd like to talk about how my husband rocks - because he makes my birthday TOTALLY fabulous.
Even though McStudly thinks it's absolutely ridiculous that I have this Princess-like necessity to have an "All About Me" day once a year, he still does what he can to make it happen.
Thank you, Baby! I had one of the best birthdays EVER this year! I LOVE YOU!
So apparently, there's this SUPER cool website that scans the first page of your blog, and can pull your personality from it. I'm still playing with it to see how it works, but mine is pretty dang accurate, I think. Let me know if you agree:
ESFJ - The Socializers
The social and opinionated type. They are especially attuned to the feelings of themselves and others. They tend to be very aware of the values of their peer-group and tend to see things as either right or wrong, good or bad. They tend to be traditional and value their friends and family the most.
The Socializers are down-to-earth, practical people and very keen on making sure everyone is alright. This quality makes them enjoy social work places. Since they enjoy being and keeping things neat and tidy, they often also enjoy working in such environments.
And they're telling me what part of my brain is used when I blog:
Pretty neato torpedo, eh? So, what's it say about YOUR blogging style?
